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He didn't look toward Rand. He didn't need to do so, the feeling from the shifter complicated and painful. Cai didn't want to unravel that to see what was inside. "So, see? On top of not knowing how to be a family, I'm not a good man, Rand."
"I think you want to be. You've just never had anyone who appreciated the effort before, who could tell you that it matters. Every step you take back toward who you want to be matters, no matter how slow, or if you get knocked back some."
"Very inspirational."
"Shut up." Rand sighed and touched Cai's face, bringing his eyes to him. "For once, just shut up, and feel. Feel what I believe about you. Feel what I feel for you."
Cai immediately wanted to take off, but Rand had his arm curled around his thigh, his other hand around his nape. "Climb inside my head, vampire, and stay there. Stay as long as you like, until you figure it out. Drop down all the way to my soul, and you'll find a lot of things there. Dylef, Fane, Sheba, the pups. But you'll also find you. Solid, permanent and big as life right in the middle of them. A part I want to keep there, and right here. Figure it out, and I'll work on doing the same."
Cai made a frustrated noise and pushed away, but only to flop down on his back. "You are such a pain in my ass."
But Rand followed him down, amusing Cai in a despairing sort of way by putting his head on Cai's chest, his arm loosely around Cai's waist. Cai realized if he imagined Rand as a wolf, this was how he'd laid upon Cai days ago, only Cai had been on his stomach and the wolf's head had been resting above his hips.
Cai ran a hand over the strong back that was pleasantly accessible to him in this position. "How can you be so sure of this shit?"
Rand's lips pulled in a smile. "I'm not sure about any of it. But I'm willing to take it on faith, figure it out as we go. You remember that T-shirt Jacob was wearing in Savannah? If you love something, set it free. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it. That's a very wolf sentiment, you know."
Cai snorted. "Not too far off from vampires, either." He went still, though. The night seemed to close in, become colder. Despite the words and feelings shared, the shadows of the past were never very far away, the darkness too close. Maybe what he feared most was losing his willingness to be lonely. Knowing it, that darkness would rise to take him, and take Rand down with it.
For decades, a fifteen-year-old kid had lurked in his subconscious. Whether he'd experienced a bloodcurdling victory or deep despair, or anywhere in between, the question was always the same.
Am I lost or found?
Rand held him even closer, speaking in Cai's ear as he brushed it with his lips. "Perhaps both. And that's okay, too."
They lay together a long time. Murmured, stroked. Listened to the night. Cai never said yes, not with his lips. But Rand didn't listen to his words. Take it on faith. The wolf saw something in Cai he couldn't see for himself. And somewhere in the past two weeks, the past few minutes, that faith had set up a small camp inside of Cai. When he realized it, the significance of it hit him hard.
He had a permanent servant. A family. Rand considered him his pack.
Lust had brought Cai back here to chase Rand down. That's what he told himself. But Rand had brought heart and soul into it, and here they were.
Cai swept his gaze over his servant. His servant. Hell, he was going to be like a girl with an engagement ring, captivated by the sparkle of the two words.
All that furred, tanned, muscled chest, bare flexing haunch. His servant's cock was looking decidedly interested in something again...
Or someone. Rand sat up and stretched, cracking his back and tilting his head to gaze down at Cai. His brown hair slipped over one broad shoulder. Cai reached up and tangled his fingers in it.
"You thinking about that big-dick Dom at Club Atlantis?" Cai asked. "That why you're getting hard again? Can't blame you. Let's go back. I'll put him down hard and we'll both fuck him."
Rand's lips curved, his eyes showing a feral light. "I don't want you anywhere near him. You'll decide to keep him."
"Sorry, I've got all the family I can handle now. And it's a lot more trouble than it's worth."
Rand's blue eyes warmed, and damn if it didn't tilt Cai's heart over, just a little. He found his own lips curving.
"I'm worth it, vampire," Rand responded. "So are you. Catch me if you can."
Rand was off at a run, one long stride, two strides. In a bound of motion, full of sinuous power, he shifted in mid-air and hit the ground as a wolf, running full out.
Show off.
Cai waited all of three heartbeats, maybe two. Then he was after him. He caught up fast, but they didn't lock in sensual combat, not yet. He melded with Rand's mind, immersed himself in the wolf's love of running with a pack, of play, the nipping at heels or flanks or ruff as they ran. He bumped Cai's shoulder once and almost sent him tumbling over a log. He huffed a snort and caught up to tug the wolf's tail, sending him in a comical spin to nip at Cai's hand, before they were off again. Just running for the joy of it.
Eventually, he'd grab him, send him tumbling, hold that warm, furry body close. He'd whisper in his mind, tell him to shift so Cai could take him again, take it deep, have Rand at every physical and mental level, because that was what a servant could offer. Cai would also really kick his ass over the Atlantis Dom thing and enjoy every damn minute of it. There'd be restraints, blunt objects. Cai's fist was going to be up his ass and bring Rand to a climax, so Rand would know the true knife edge between arousal and not necessarily unbearable pain, but a wise anxiety about the limits of his anatomy.
But for now, they ran together. Running toward whatever challenges they'd face, toward the demons they still had left to fight in their hearts and souls. He'd noted Rand was still having problems with that leg, favoring it as he ran. Which was probably why Cai had caught up with him. Not that Cai would admit that.
They'd talk to his friend in Syria about it, the sorceress with healing skills.
Because that was the way Rand had said it could work from now on. Neither one would be in the fight alone, and that would give life a lot more meaning. One day, Cai hoped he would believe that. If anyone could help him get there, he expected it would be Rand. And he'd try his damn level best to do the same for his wolf.
Be his family, his pack, his alpha.
His Master.
The End
