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Conflicted. Confused. And wanting to do way the hell more of it, enough he'd played with the idea of annoying the vampire into carrying out his threat. With the additional hope maybe it would make Cai feel better. Because now that the decision to rescue Dovia had been made, it had stirred up some bad debris in the vampire's subconscious. Rand could feel it, scent it.
He considered how he would feel if someone said: "Hey, let's go back to the night your family was murdered. No, nothing will change. They'll still be dead, and all that horror will still be there, but maybe you can save one pup. Just one, mind you. And not one of yours. Or Sylvan's."
If Rand had been given the opportunity to snatch even a stranger's pup away from that brutal death, he'd have taken the opportunity. Earth and stone, why was he even going down that road?
Because he'd put Cai on this track toward his past, and he was concerned about Cai's state of mind.
Rand ran a few miles under the cover of mist-filled patches of forest backing up to the farms. It kept him out of view of the early morning risers caring for their horses. But then he cut the run short and circled back. He bypassed the chance to catch a couple rabbits he flushed, deciding he'd get the second helping of meat from the servant. He just wanted to be back. Every stride was fueled by more urgency, until he was at a full run, favoring the lingering ache of his injuries as little as possible.
As Rand closed in on that last mile, images swam into his mind that weren't his own. A darkness came with them, with a power so thick and heavy it was like a smothering blanket. Words erupted in his mind, screamed into a void. He startled, an animal fight-or-flight instinct that knocked him off his path. But he recovered fast, leaped forward, his stride covering over three times his length with every bound.
No. Stop... Mama...
If he'd been human, the hairs would have risen on the back of his neck, because the last word was screamed in the voice of a teenage boy whose voice was just beginning to break toward manhood. It held all the desolation and desperation of a mind pushed toward an edge where the fall would break it irreparably. In the blink between one terrified heartbeat and the next, the boy had become a broken, scarred man.
Rand barged through the kitchen door as a maid was coming out of it. He ignored her shriek of surprise, his nails scrabbling for purchase on the tile floor. He hit the butcher block island hard enough to jar his shoulder and tip the fruit bowl on it, sending oranges and apples over the edge. He ignored that, too, and the startled looks of more servants, as he shot past them and ran through the house.
When he reached the top of the stairs to the lower bedrooms, there were a couple servants set as a posted watch. However, they could hear a muffled version of what he'd heard in his mind, echoing up the stairs, and let him through.
By the time he reached their guest room door, he'd shifted to human and turned the latch without a pause. To hell with who saw him, though fortunately the hall seemed deserted and all doors firmly shut. He'd forgotten his clothes, where he'd hidden them on the periphery of the garden.
When he lunged into the room, he realized what was causing the smothering sensation. Cai was used to sleeping beneath the loosely packed earth where he could move as needed. He'd somehow wrapped himself in the blankets so tightly it was almost like he'd been shrouded, the covers over his head.
Rand shoved him out of the bed, unrolling and shaking him loose rather than trying to touch or hold him. Cai exploded into a standing position, chest heaving, fangs bared, fists clenched. Rand backed into the corner, dropping to his heels. He was breathing hard himself, a combination of his long-distance run and the sudden sprint to get here. He spoke aloud and in his mind, hoping one or both methods would get through. He said what came to mind, no analyzing the meaning of the words. That didn't matter.
"You're here, vampire. With your wolf. Not with them. Take a breath. Be easy."
During the short time Rand had known Cai, the vampire had handled both Rand's dangerous animal and pissed-off human side with a sort of unflappable control. Even when the vampires had been beating on him, his attitude had been virtually unassailable. But that initial panic attack when bound, and the explosion of rage in the study, had opened the vampire up to Rand's ability to reach far deeper into him.
Lyssa had called it right. Cai's behavior was a full, adhered-to-the-skin armor, containing what was within as much as it was to defend himself from what was without.
As Cai stood there, swaying, fangs bared, eyes wild but unfocused, part of him was in the here and now, while another part was still in the dream. Rand saw a two-hundred-year old male who looked far younger, and yet ancient beyond the expression of time. The look the young had in the middle of war zones.
Maybe the primary reason he was still here didn't have to do with a kidnapped female, though that was important enough. Since Dylef, Sheba and the pups, no one had needed him. Or rather, Rand hadn't let himself be put in a position to be needed, because he couldn't handle the responsibility without getting the shakes, just thinking about the chance of losing someone again.
But this situation, this male, had saved his life and linked their paths. Cai was strong and capable, a good fighter and a dangerous vampire. He wasn't helpless, but that didn't mean he didn't need help.
This was where Rand was meant to be. Cai needed Rand, and so did a young female vampire. If the danger to her had not been evident before, seeing it drive Cai out of this bed and stand, ready to fight, with a look of terror and desperation on his face, was a full broadcast of it.
Rand shifted back to wolf and left his corner, padding across the floor. He pressed his body against the side of Cai's, giving him a literal reminder of his presence that backed up his words. It startled him when the vampire's knees buckled. He adjusted fast so he broke Cai's fall. Cai clutched his thick ruff, his face buried there, the rest of him shaking. He was ice cold.
Rand made as much of his body available to him as possible, to share warmth. Cai was gasping, and vampires didn't have to breathe, not like that. But the vampire was trying to slow it down, reassuring Rand that he was heading in the right direction. He just needed to be here, quiet and patient. He'd shifted for the same reason he'd gone to Leona as a wolf. Sometimes there was nothing so comforting as a dumb beast, something living, warm and affectionate who required no exchange of words, merely the physical contact that could offer so much more.
Rand's heart lurched at the words he heard murmured into his fur.
"So fucking scared...hate it. Just fucking hate it."
Be with you. Scared...together.
It took a while, but at length a sigh lifted Cai's shoulders. His chest flattened against Rand's massive torso.
"Okay," the vampire murmured at last. "Okay."
He rose. Rand stayed close to his side. When Cai slid back into the bed, Rand leaped onto it. Cai tugged on him so Rand lay down before him, and the vampire laid an arm over his barrel chest, his face pressed into Rand's thickly furred nape.
"This is nice," the vampire murmured. "But when I wake up with a hard-on, you better be the human version of you."
Rand dropped his head back to bump Cai's nose with the flat of his skull and earned a muttered oath. "Asshole."
As things settled, Rand felt the male's body temperature returning to a more normal heat level, his occasional shudders getting further apart. Finally, Cai's breath evened out and stilled as he trusted himself to fall back into dreams. Or the pull of the daylight sun above became too strong. But he continued to hold onto Rand as if the wolf could keep him from sliding into nightmares. Rand hoped so.
But as he thought of what Cai had said, he made a mental note to shift before he fully fell asleep. When the vampire woke, that armor would be back in place, with the attendant barbed sense of humor. Rand didn't put it past him to try and stick himself up Rand's wolf ass just to piss him off. And then Rand would bite his dick off.
What does it matter? Cai's thoughts were slurred, sleepy. It's still you in there, right?
Yes, but the wolf...it's a sanctuary, of sorts. A haven from everything. That feels like an invasion. Using a battering ram on a door that hasn't been opened to you.
Cai snickered against his back. "You compared my dick to a battering ram. I feel so virile and manly."
Rand let out an exasperated huff. And bit back a mental smile.
Armor it might be, but damned entertaining armor.
