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Mutely, she nodded. She pulled away from his touch, but felt his hand drift down her arm, grasp her fingers briefly before letting her go. Under the gaze of the three angels, she moved to the edge of the dry rock, stretched out her hand and called to her the item she needed. They shifted out of the way as the sealed pouch rolled over and over, like a jellyfish drifting through the waters of her storage cavern. Then it broke through the rippling wall of water into the air bell.
It was made of the skin of a Dark One to keep it viable, and sensing that, the angels drew away from it. When she untied the top, the bitter smell of Dark One blood filled the chamber quickly, causing them further uneasiness.
Turning, she found David had recovered enough to step to her side again. His warm brown eyes and sensual mouth were close, the heat and strength, the perfect beauty of his body. The magnificent wings. Her hand trembled. "I can't."
He closed his hands over hers on the pouch. "You can. How do I manage it when it's inside me? How will it feel?"
She forced her voice to be steady. "It will exacerbate the emotions you've felt at your most difficult moments. You'll feel unexpected waves of rage, fear, anxiety. Hatred will be easiest. Bloodlust is particularly strong. Be careful if we must fight, for it will come to your aid, enhancing your strength and abilities, but it's hard to bring it back under control."
"That's what you've dealt with all these years?" A ghost of a smile crossed his face. "And still you've managed to fall in love with me."
"I'm good at multiple tasks," she said. "And I've never said I love you."
"Didn't we discuss that? You didn't have to. You never have to." Raising his hand from her face, he showed her the tears she'd spilled upon it.
She swallowed, pushed the emotions away, for she simply couldn't bear them right now. "Don't," she said, and focused on the more practical matters. "The illusion spell will make you appear as one of the lower-echelon ones. They don't speak much, except with body language, grunting. The blood will give them your scent and sound, so you can pass casual scrutiny."
She did hesitate over the next part. Jonah's words were in her mind. You will take care of him. Until she threw him to the Dark Ones.
"David, I need your worst memory." It was an effort to keep her voice steady. "The one you won't tell me." The one she knew had made him unable to forgive his mother's incarnated spirit. Take care of him.
His fingers tightened on the skin of the pouch. "Why?"
"Because that's what the blood will fixate on. As it spreads throughout your system, it will view your angel blood as an enemy. It's going to be very difficult for the two to mesh. I can force them to do so, but it won't be pleasant. The entire time it's in you, it will be like a wild dog circling, looking for vulnerable points, ways to take you over completely." Her fingers were next to his, and when his touched hers, she couldn't help the jerk that went through her hand. "You're still young enough, human enough, the Dark Ones could try to make you one of them in actuality. Death is not the worst thing that can happen to you there. If I know the memory, I can help you keep control." She swallowed. "And when the time comes, I'll use it against you. To make things believable."
She wasn't sure if the muttered oath behind her came from Jonah or Marcellus, but she held David's stare until he gave a slight nod. At a murmur of sound, she turned her head to see Marcellus had gone, apparently retreating to one of the caverns closer to the cave entrance, leaving just Jonah.
"For privacy," the commander said.
"You know," she realized.
Jonah inclined his head. "We all know, Mina. But it is hard for him."
Mina turned to face her angel and saw the struggle in his face. "David," she said softly. "There's nothing you can say that will be worse than what we're going to face." Than what she was going to do to him. Gods.
He shook his head. "It sounds idiotic, but I couldn't bear it if you thought of me differently."
The idea sent shock coursing through her. He was worried about what she thought of him? But she saw it was the truth. A fierce feeling rose up in her chest, something she didn't recognize, but which spurred her to reach up, catching on to his weapons harness to give her the extra inches she needed, and kiss him. Hard, long, thoroughly, until they were both gasping. Then she rocked back onto her heels and gave him her typical irritated look. "I don't think of you at all, angel. I've told you that a hundred times now."
He couldn't conjure a smile, but he did put his hand over her wrist, holding it against his chest. "I know we don't have a lot of time. My father... he forced my mother to... Jesus, this is hard." He blinked, swallowed.
Mina laid her other hand on his face again, tilted his head so they were looking at each other eye to eye. "Tell me," she whispered. "Trust me, just this one moment. Remember?"
He swallowed again, nodded, and his grip tightened, his expression becoming fierce, as if he were preparing for battle.
"He forced my mother to... have sex with me. It was when she found out what he was doing to my sister. He'd hurt my sister for all those years, while she-my sister-made me promise not to tell, to protect my mother... to protect me. Our mother tried to take us out of the house. My father held us there with a gun, made her... do that with me, said it was to make her no better than him. He was just so... He was insane, out of his mind."
With or without the blood link, she could feel Jonah's pain on behalf of the young man he loved as a son. She felt it herself. She'd experienced horror like this, so hearing it was like reliving her own.
"After... he left the house. My mother got dressed, took my sister and me to a building, and we all three jumped. She said..." He stopped, the tears in his eyes reflecting the harsh anguish in his voice. If, after all these years, it was this difficult to say, how must he have been when he first came to the gates of Heaven? And she understood a little better the bond between Jonah and David.
"She said that we were going to learn to fly with the angels. In a voice that said it would all be okay. So we jumped with her. For a minute, we did fly. I remember that, remember thinking we were where he'd never touch us again. And then I found out it wouldn't be that easy. As it shouldn't be, for I did nothing to save either of them. I was the man of the house. It was my job. I had a debt to pay."
"That was why you couldn't touch a woman for so long."
Nodding, he looked at the container of blood she'd drawn from the dead Dark One. "So whatever darkness that will put in me, I've been there, Mina. When something like that happens, you know there's a dark side to this world that's so vile, it makes not only life but existence itself not worth a damn. You wish nothing had ever been created, that the universe had remained a void and you were never aware of yourself, never existed at all.
"Then, when you get past that, you realize you have to fight that darkness." The expression he raised to Jonah was glittering, fierce. His attention shifted back to Mina. "I know why you fight it. I always have, even when everyone around you wonders why you do. Because you fight, that's why I know you're worth saving. Worth loving."
It was also why the two of them had fit, she realized. So many confusing things about the day at the diner now made sense. As if reading her mind, he said, "If it wasn't for seeing her... Diane... I don't think I could have told you, could have handled the darkness of it. So I guess the Schism knew what we would need for today. A good omen, right?" Now he did attempt a smile, though there was a track on his face where at least one tear had escaped. Now she put her thumb on it and he turned his face, kissed her palm as she feathered her fingers over his fine brow, the straight nose, high cheekbone.
"Aren't you afraid?" she whispered.
His eyes opened, looked down at her. "Scared shitless. But Mina"-now his hands were on her face, holding her, his fingers tunneling in her hair, his intense eyes so close that there was nothing else-"there's nothing, absolutely nothing worse you or any Dark One could do than deny me the right to do everything within my power to protect you. Stand by you. So fo
r the love of the Goddess, don't do that to me. Don't leave me behind."
Mina closed her eyes. And there was nothing worse he could do to her than make her agree to this. "Okay," she said, when she could trust herself to talk. "So we do this."
SHE found a conch shell, poured the vile liquid into it. While Jonah watched, she helped David lift the shell to his lips, keeping her hands over his, for his thumbs had slipped over her fingers, holding her there while he drank, his eyes closing against the taste and odor. His body began to shake after the third swallow, sweat breaking out on his arms and across his bare chest.
As she started the chant that would build the magic she'd need for the blood integration, thoughts slid through her mind. She'd endured a lot of things. Fought for her own life, and control of her actions. Learned early what hatred and evil were. Maybe it was the buildup of all that which made this so hard, the final straw. But she thought she'd happily, joyously jump into the torments of Hell Jonah had described, rather than change David one bit.
As he made the last swallow with a groan of effort, she knocked the conch away and grabbed his face hard. When she kissed him this time, it was openmouthed, insistent. She poured her energy in on top of the blood, sending the molecules scattering, punching out of his intestines and into his bloodstream, making them spin through his system so rapidly, his angel immune system couldn't latch on to reject them before they were flying along the same arteries and veins, tangling together.
He was helping, giving her some of his energy to direct it, to quell the instinct of the angel's blood to reject the interloping fetid cells.
When she drew back at last, she looked into brown eyes glinting with red and felt the tremor in his body beneath her hands.
"Jesus." The word was scraped out of a raw throat. "I hope to the Goddess this isn't how you feel every day." He shook his head, backing up, dropped to one knee as if a lower point of gravity would help steady the roller coaster going on inside of him.
"I was born with it. It's different. I don't have angel blood to integrate with it. Human blood is far more accepting of the Dark One blood." She couldn't help hoping something would go terribly wrong and he'd have to stay here. While she couldn't fix what she'd just done, at least he'd have a life here, and certainly it would be much easier to have a normal life balancing angel and Dark One blood than what her circumstances had been.
"No." She snapped the warning as Jonah stepped toward him. David was bent over, breathing hard, his wings quivering with the violent tremors of his body. "You can't touch him now. They'd see your touch on his skin like a beacon. And he won't be able to bear it, not with what he's dealing with right now." She squatted next to David, placed a hand on his shoulder, didn't flinch as his head jerked up, his eyes wild.
