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Christ, he'd loved it. And damn, the guy could read faces too well. "Okay, you've already been there," Logan said. "Good. But a spanking can hurt, right?"
"That's different."
"Yeah, it is. Did she get excited by it?"
"Yes. It made me want to do it more."
"Until she's bruised and bleeding and she's afraid of you, begging you to stop?"
"No." He recoiled. "Christ no. I'd kill anyone who'd treat her like that."
Logan's brown eyes glowed with approval. "See? There's a difference. To someone who's never had these inclinations, they might not see a difference. But you do. And she does. That's all that matters."
Logan put aside the can of finish and leaned against his workbench, crossing his arms over his broad chest. "Geoff, you know the reason BDSM gets such a bad rep? It's extremely hard to explain in a politically correct way just how intense and right a healthy power exchange feels to the people involved in it. I expect Sam is a pretty independent woman. She's not looking for someone to wipe her ass and forbid her from pursuing her career, having friends and being an accomplished individual."
"Wow. No. She'd hit you for even suggesting it."
"Right. So how does that kind of woman say, 'I fantasize about having the man I love restrain me so I can't move, because when he does that, I feel helpless, like I have no choice but to relinquish control to him.' Which in turn can get her so aroused that she wants you to do all sorts of things to her when she's helpless. Not just spank her, but mark her with a whip, with a strike brand, with a violet wand, with your teeth. Maybe she even wants you to treat her like your property in a scene, like she has to ask your permission to even breathe. Everything that's the exact opposite of what she embraces in her day-to-day life."
Geoff realized he'd gone still, all his muscles tense. Logan's gaze rested on him, his expression saying he understood all too well the feelings rolling through him. "And while you're doing all that, you're also wanting to hold and kiss her, t
alk to her, show her in every damn way possible just how much you cherish her. The two go together. Your urge to dominate, to control and care for her, is as strong as her desire to submit, to trust you to take her for a journey, keep her flying, but make her yours as well."
Geoff could imagine it, so vividly he was afraid he was going to embarrass himself by getting an erection here and now.
"Not going to see that written up in Modern Woman magazine anytime soon, right?" Logan continued, his eyes glinting. "But a world scared of its own shadow won't take a close look at what's really going on there. They won't realize it can be a healthy, damn near spiritual form of sexual expression to people who enjoy or need it. If I hit your girl or hurt her feelings, made her cry, what would you do?"
"I'd kill you."
Logan's lips curved. "Yeah, it's automatic, isn't it? You'd protect her from the wrong kind of harm with everything you are. What you do in session is different. You flog her until she cries, and yet she's not calling out a safe word. You put your hand between her legs and find she's seconds away from climaxing like she's never climaxed before. What does that tell you?"
"That kind of pain releases other emotions, good ones."
"Yeah. Women have a different relationship with crying than we do. They have a hundred different languages when it comes to tears."
Geoff tightened his jaw. "I should have sought more guidance earlier. I didn't connect with anyone at the clubs or parties and, since it seemed too difficult to get into the right space with anyone, I was worried that if I pursued it with Sam . . . Sam really matters. But she's set things in motion."
"You want to make her happy." Logan grinned. "Selfless guy that you are."
Geoff found himself grinning back. He also experienced a guilty twinge, because he'd second-guessed her on the damn date thing, assuming he knew better than her what was best for her. Wow. Talk about being an arrogant asshole. And on top of that, it wasn't him being selfless. He'd been pissed at the idea of her dating another guy and had gone with a knee-jerk reaction. Which meant now he'd have to honor it and let her go through with it, even though he'd much rather ask for a do-over on that bad judgment call.
He glanced at his watch regretfully and extended his hand. "I've got to get back. Would it be okay if I needed to talk again?"
"Absolutely." Logan clasped his hand. "I encourage you to do so. If you decide you want to join the local BDSM group, I do demos at a lot of their events, and you'll find other experienced Doms there, men and women. Any one of them worth anything is willing to answer questions from a Dom learning his path."
Logan paused. "That's something else I want to mention. You're a natural Dom. And since Sam is a natural submissive, she picked up on it. But instincts are one thing; experience is another. If you don't want to hurt her, don't do this half-assed. If you decide to do anything with her more than the light stuff like spanking, make sure you understand the risks."
Turning to open the drawer of the bench, Logan withdrew a sheet of paper off a short stack of them. "Here's the handout I give out at my demos. It has some good sources and BDSM 101 safety-type stuff, some of the most common bullet points. You may already know some of it, maybe not. Better to hear it twice than not at all."
He grimaced. "It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking we have to act like we know what we're doing when we don't. Sam has to learn to be your partner in that, and that's not always easy for someone with a submissive nature. Best way to help a sub to do that is to set up the opportunity, give her a structure. For instance, make her talk over a scene with you before and after. Command her to give you feedback. That tells her she's not topping; she's just communicating and helping you honor the priority that's above every other priority, even your pride. You know what it is already."
"To keep her safe. To protect her."
Logan nodded, satisfied. "And to love her. Don't forget that one, because sometimes when you're new at this, you talk yourself out of stuff, thinking somehow you're protecting her when what you're doing is depriving you both of a journey of discovery together. She may be your submissive, but in your case, she's also your lover. You're not alone in this."
"When she let me spank her . . . I thought, I could get lost in this, never stop, never want to stop. And then I thought, I might get carried away and really hurt her, emotionally or physically. Or do something that makes her afraid of me."
It was the first time he'd said it aloud, which told Geoff that Logan was right. He didn't like being seen as anything less than cocksure in front of the woman he loved. He supposed that didn't differ from how most men felt in front of their women, but if he wanted to explore the Dom/sub stuff with her, he was going to have to get past that. Having a restaurant reject a credit card during a romantic dinner was a far cry from a misstep during a BDSM session where Sam's emotional and physical well-being was entirely in his hands. "I don't want to harm her, not for anything in the world."
