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"You're doing just fine." Logan's steady eyes never wavered from his face. Geoff thought he'd be a great choice for a court-ordered mediator. "You know what was going on there. On some level, Chris probably did, too, and a part of him was open to it. Else he wouldn't have stayed. I think he would have made his excuses to Sam to spare her feelings and slipped out. He seems like he's pretty much his own man."
"Yeah. He is. In a quiet way. Most people miss it until they try to treat him like a doormat. He'll even let them get away with that for a while, if it's nothing that aggravates him. You know the way a parent's patient with a kid's weaknesses? Chris is like that with the whole world. But once you push him, he either becomes a turtle until you go away, or he simply picks you up and sets you out of his way. You have to get pretty deep inside to provoke him."
"Looks like you drew that winning straw." Logan grinned at the bruise again, but then he lifted a shoulder. "Sam is easy. First off, your relationship to her has always been more defined. And she clearly wants to submit. Chris is the unknown. You know he wants to submit, but he's not as easy as Sam. You're having to prove Dominance, because he's another male and he's got his own alpha thing happening."
Geoff thought of their wrestling match. He could have left it alone when Chris backed off, but something in him had retaliated, not willing to let it end without taking his own pound of flesh. Though the wry truth was he'd been able to pull that off because Chris hadn't been expecting it. Chris's approach to fighting always reminded Geoff of the line from the movie A Knight's Tale: "How would you beat him?" "With a stick. While he slept!"
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"Mistresses sometimes have the same issue when dealing with a male sub, especially one who defines himself as an alpha," Logan continued. "Do you think Chris is a true sub? No editing, just say it straight out."
"No. Yes. Sometimes. To me. When it fits the moment." Geoff's brow furrowed. "But that sounds like 'gay for you.'"
"It's not out of the realm of possibility. Many of us fall hard for one person, Geoff. No one thinks that's unusual, because it's what society has romanticized. A man being attracted to other men, consistently and exclusively, is what we call gay. The opposite is heterosexual, and those who are open to being attracted to either sex, bi. But a man who simply falls in love with someone, regardless of gender, regardless of labels, is something different."
"What?"
"Enlightened." Logan smiled. "Based on the brief time he was in my store, and what Madison has told me about the three of you, that's my impression of Chris. I think out of all three of you, he's the one most open to possibilities, in a 'Standing Outside the Fire,' Garth Brooks kind of way. He can be hurt, badly, because he doesn't have any shields. Not with you two. Keep that in mind."
Logan straightened off the stool and began packing up his whips. "But you need to keep something else in mind, too. You're new to this, learning your way, but there's a core to what you are that's as old as time itself. Don't doubt that part. Your desire is as much a component of this as theirs. They're all tangled together, if it's meant to be."
It might be Zen-sounding garbage, but it resonated with Geoff. It actually made sense, and since most things today hadn't made sense, he welcomed the change. Seeing it, Logan gave Geoff a grin.
"I don't think you're on the wrong track, Geoff. You just haven't spent as much time working out your desires about Chris as you have Sam. When a good Dom stumbles, he tends to be harder on himself than a loving sub would ever be. They're forgiving, and they're willing to help us figure things out, as long as they trust that we want what's best for them above all else. If your sub feels cherished, he or she will handle a few harmless missteps. If you love her . . . and him, and that love is mutual, there's no difference between that and a vanilla relationship. Someone who loves you doesn't expect you to be perfect. They just expect you to be there with them every step of the way as you figure it out together."
Geoff looked in the direction of the blonde. She was now in street clothes, saying good-bye to other friends. "If you don't mind me asking, is she a love or cherish situation?"
"Cherish, for certain." Logan smiled fondly at the woman. "Missive is her scene name. Multiple meanings, multiple layers. When I'm in session with a sub, even for a demo, she becomes the center of my universe. Everything is about her, about her reactions, my responses. Keeping her safe, giving her pleasure and finding what level of sadism will add to her arousal, even if she doesn't know that herself until it happens, is part of what turns me on as a Dom. So much so it's oddly self-serving."
Logan shot him a wolfish grin, which Geoff found himself returning. He understood it, a hundred percent. "But being in a D/s session is very much an in-the-moment experience. When you step back and let that moment go, it's done. As beautiful as it was, it's transient." Logan's brown eyes kindled with a different light then, his mouth setting in a firm curve. "On the other hand, when you do it with the love of your life, the person with whom you want to share every moment, not just a D/s session, you've found Nirvana. That pure connection will be like nothing else."
"Yeah. But not everyone can have that."
"No. You're right about that." A shadow passed over Logan's features. "And it's a shame when someone wants that and can't find it, but it's no different from looking for love in the non-BDSM world. It doesn't always happen how we want it. In our world, we might have to settle for splitting it. We love outside of this, and meet our needs inside in a way that allows that outside relationship to still thrive."
He paused, considering Geoff. "But some of us won't settle for less than having the full package. If it ever comes our way, we better damn well make the most of it, because the gods aren't going to throw it our way that often."
"Like you and Madison."
Logan's eyes gleamed, appreciating him. "Careful, boy."
Geoff spread his hands out in amused conciliation. "Just calling it like I see it. Oh, and thanks for the lack of pressure. Not. You just said that it's okay to make mistakes. Unless one of those mistakes loses me that choice."
"If the love is there and real, a mistake won't destroy it," Logan said seriously. "That's the hardest thing for a Dom to understand. You can't control all of it and, in the end, it's the sub's heart that leads you where you need to go."
Logan closed his suitcase and hefted it off the table. "A Master may be in charge in a lot of ways, but when we fall in love, we're the ones on our knees. The sub who loves you back knows that, even if she . . . or he . . . doesn't consciously acknowledge it."
*
In Geoff's job, it was imperative he not only review information pertinent to a case, but know it well enough that he could respond to unexpected twists and turns. He'd always enjoyed that challenge, pushing himself to anticipate and comprehend two steps ahead of anyone else. It was a skill a Dominant used. So on the drive home, he reviewed everything that had happened over the past several weeks, picking up clues and information that would help him with Chris.
He thought about his and Chris's wrestling match in the backyard. Chris's expression right before he'd tackled Geoff had been an echo of that same heated look he'd swept over every inch of Geoff's bare skin after he'd punched him in the kitchen. Angry, hungry, confused.
Then there was the day the three of them had decided to go back to Naughty Bits. They'd been in Sam's bedroom, right after she and Chris had first had sex. Geoff had ordered Sam to go get dressed, but when she reached the door, he'd called her to a halt.
"Sam."
She'd turned, hair tousled and body naked as the day she was born. Only now she had long, slim legs, pleasing curves and a woman's heart that shone through her soft gray eyes. His own heart had beat faster at the sight, at the miracle of her. He'd had to clear his throat, so the words would come out as a Master's command, instead of the undignified rasp of a desperate man falling head over heels. "From here forward, if you want to get off with your vibrator, you bring it to me and ask. Or you ask Chris, if I'm not here. If neither of us is here, you wait."
