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"Lauren. " It was a whisper. "I can't tell you - "
"Hush. "
* * * * *
Josh wasn't sure if she said it in reaction to his statement or as an answer to it. But he quieted, compelled by a strange yearning to let her hold the reins. It created a nervous anticipation in him that intensified how much he wanted her. If she had thrown open the gates to him, he might have leaped upon her, filled his hands and mouth with her like a savage animal. But with that gentle command, that "hush", the wildness was reined in, even as it was stoked to a higher pitch. Being given the hope of touching her was almost more overwhelming than having her, in that perverse way that a small bite of the finest Belgian chocolate was more tempting than a one-pound bar of the same.
Whereas a moment before he would have fed upon her body like a lion tearing into fresh blood, now he ached fiercely for permission to press his lips alongside her knee, or even the bridge of her dainty foot again.
"Keep your eyes down," she said in that same soft voice, velvet-covering steel. She rose, using his bare shoulder to steady herself. He swallowed, audibly, as the silk robe pooled around her feet, the sash falling over his shoulder.
"If you look up, I will be very angry," she murmured. Her fingers ran beneath the hair at his nape, and he made a sound, guttural in its passion. "I won't let you sleep in my bed tonight. "
His lids had twitched, wanting to test her resolve, but at that, they stayed locked down, keeping his eyes focused on her bare feet and the slender curve of her ankles. He wasn't sure if Marcus had anticipated her turning the game in this direction. He knew he hadn't, with her soft, vulnerable eyes and pink mouth, a mouth with lips he would have given anything at this moment to lick and suck until they were full and moist, the way the secret folds between her legs would be at the same form of ministration. He wanted. . .
hell, he wanted to look at her, had to look at her.
"Don't test me, Josh," she warned, as if she could read his mind. She chuckled w
hen he swore, inventively, and the music of it caressed his ears the way her hand was doing to his neck. If she had yanked on his hair or sharpened her tone, he might have laughed it off, sparred with her will, but it was the sheer gentleness of her voice, weighted with command, that kept him obeying. "I want you to close your eyes and stand up. "
He complied and stood, keeping his hands at his sides, though his palms were so hot he suspected they'd burn her fair skin, turning it as red as if he'd laid her over his knee and spanked her round, sweet ass.
His whole body went rigid with cold horror. Jesus, where the hell had that thought come from?
He turned away from her because he had to open his eyes, had to break away from that line of thought, and get away. "Lauren, I can't. . . I have to - "
"Josh," her fingers circled his wrist, delicate as flower stems. He could have broken free with a mere pressure, but her soft touch was as effective as a manacle of iron. "It's my card. " There was a hesitation, a slight, uneven inhalation of breath. "You won't do anything wrong, as long as you obey me. And I command you to stop thinking of anything other than pleasing me. If you think of anything else, I will make you sleep. . . naked, here on the cold tiles, until all you can think of is how warm my bed would be.
How warm my body would be, wrapped around yours. Close your eyes and face me. "
* * * * *
He could not know how it felt to stand there and watch him, his head hanging low in despondency. His back expanded with short breaths, his fists clenched to fight demons that she well knew couldn't be fought with fists, even those as capable and strong as his were.
She didn't understand what was compelling her at the moment. Seeing him fight with himself against the power of an invisible chain made her hot, aroused, and perversely overwhelmed with tenderness for him.
Maybe it was the sense that he desperately needed someone to take the reins and make him face the pain that Marcus had merely hinted was haunting him. Or maybe this was revenge on Jonathan, pushing Josh to the breaking point, to bring out the emotion and vulnerability she could never summon from Jonathan.
No. No. Double no and hell no. She did not want to punish Josh. She would not allow Jonathan to turn her into Prometheus, manacled to a rock where uncertainty would eternally tear at her vitals, such that every man she met would be pushed to breaking to prove something to her that could never be proved.
It felt good to be doing this. It felt right.
It always feels that way at first. The internal voice had poison in its nasty tone, and it had a quick effect.
Her shoulders dropped, and she bit back a sigh. "Josh, you don't - " she began in a near whisper.
He turned to face her, his eyes closed as she had instructed. The rest of her words died as his hand reached straight out and caught her fingers, forming a link that prevented either of them from tumbling off a cliff of destructive memories.
"Good," she managed, re-centering herself. She cleared her throat. "Lift me," she said, "and carry me to the tub. I'll tell you when you're there. "
"I don't want to trip and hurt you. "
Lauren reached up with her free hand, drew her finger along his lined forehead, tracing her nail over each closed eyelid. "You won't. "
She stepped closer, just a space away from having her bare breasts pressed against his slightly damp chest, and slid her arm up to his neck.
Josh bent, put his arm beneath her legs. His palm crooked beneath the bend of knee, his fingertips curved up just beneath the line of bone that marked her kneecap over the resilient yet sensitive cartilage that joined knee to muscle. He slid the other palm along her back, moving across the soft skin below her shoulder blades, trailing fingertips across the ridge of spine between. Her body swayed with an overload of sensory reaction to his touch and then she drew in a breath as he lifted her in that easy way that left her stomach pleasantly behind. It bounced back into place as if on a spring, with the same jolt of impact one had upon reaching the bottom of the hill on a roller coaster, resettling with a spasm of exhilaration.
