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“Since you look like money I assume that’s the case, since I also assume that’s what greased the wheels that brought you to my door. ”
“No, actually it was my connections in the government, earned by risking my ass in places where hell would be considered a vacation resort. ” He met her barb for barb but kept his tone mild. “I know this is wrong, Mrs. Gupta. I know it goes against your ethics and you wouldn’t be doing it unless your former boss, a person you greatly respect, hadn’t leaned on you hard. But I need to understand some things. I’m hitting a brick wall. ”
“Walls of brick are built to protect the occupant from the harshest elements.
Helping you pull out the foundation so that wall can crumble and leave the occupant vulnerable doesn’t seem something I’d be willing to help with. Why would I?”
“Because you care about her. And because I’m in love with her. And sometimes brick walls are a prison, not a protection. ”
She studied him another long moment. “Come in and we’ll see what we can talk about. And I’ll choose what that will be. If you can’t accept that, get back in your car. ” He inclined his head, stepped over the threshold. After a measuring glance, she closed the door and showed him to a small sitting area with couches and chairs comfortable for the frame of a small woman. It suggested that this had become her home since her husband’s passing. When Tyler looked at her, he saw a woman with a kind round brown face,
her hair in a fat gray-black braid down her back. She emanated the reassurance that he sensed would have comforted a child. Many children.
“I’m sorry for my comment, Mrs. Gupta. I’m sure you’ve dealt with far worse situations than I have. At least most of mine dealt with adults. ” She cocked a brow. “This isn’t a contest, Mr. Winterman. You may be right, but I’ve rarely risked my life. Perhaps my soul, but never my life. ” She sat down, crossed her legs and pinned him with her dark eyes. “There are times you see things so horrible you become certain that nothing like God could exist. And if there is an All-Powerful Deity, It is a murdering son of a bitch for turning Its back on those who are so helpless to the evil of others. But in time you understand that the comfort of God is a balance to the evil of men. The Deity, whatever Its purpose, is not a warden. It’s something you don’t understand with the rational mind, correct? It’s something you feel with your heart, your instinct. It’s faith, for logic and understanding will only send your soul into despair in this human world. ”
“Is that how Marguerite managed? Or Marie?”
“You did your research. I call her Marguerite. I respected her desire and her need to become a new being. ” The reproof was in her tone and Tyler found it took effort to keep his expression steady, non-defensive. “Marguerite has managed, has survived. She did it by adopting many of the expected defenses for an extremely abused child and by being gifted with a wholly non-hereditary strength of character. Tell me what you know of her before you try your interrogation techniques on me. ”
“She…” Tyler, always adept with words, found himself at a sudden loss. The one image that immediately came to mind seemed inappropriate for the company, but he suspected that in order to get what he needed from Komal Gupta he was going to have to answer her questions with brutal honesty.
“This morning I was sitting in her garden, watching her do yoga. The sunlight was touching her hair, her skin. I could have sat there forever, just watching her. ” He hesitated. “She was completely naked. I could see the burns, every scar. But she turns toward me, so strong and resilient. Looks at me with her blue eyes and it’s like I can see down into her soul. She’s in mine, I know it, but I can’t… I can push hard to get what I want, but I’m afraid the wall holding me back is glass. I wouldn’t hurt her if the fate of the world depended on it. She’s given enough. But I want her so much, I want to give her anything, everything…” He stopped, closed his eyes, shook his head. “Jesus, if you can pull that out of me just sitting there with that expectant expression, you were a hell of a counselor. ”
Komal blinked. “I think you had that built up in you and I was just the first recipient you felt acceptable to share it with. I only had moderate success in that area with Marguerite and most of it was deduction, not her opening up. ” Humor crossed her features. “And what I meant by ‘tell me what you know’ is what you know of her history. ”
For perhaps the first time since he was sixteen years old, Tyler felt a flush creep up his neck. She laughed, a sound like bells, reached out and touched his knee. “No, don’t be embarrassed. It tells me a great deal about you. It also makes me feel better about our chat. Though you have an intensity that suggests an obsessive stalker. ” Tyler snorted. “One of my closest women friends has suggested the same. ”
“How intuitive of her. I’m regretting not making you tea, as I would an honored guest but to be honest I was planning to boot you back out the driveway, no matter what Henry said. I can tell your feelings for Marguerite are genuine, so I won’t do that. ” She leaned forward, her dark eyes piercing, the humor gone. “But I need to be sure you’ll listen and truly hear what I say to you, whatever I choose to give to you. ”
“That’s why I’m here. ” He locked gazes with her, held it until she nodded. “You introduced her to tea. ”
“Yes, I did. ” Komal looked at a set in a hutch behind her, a set similar to ones he’d seen in Marguerite’s shop.
“She still has the cups and the doll you gave her. ”
“I know. I saw them when she opened Tea Leaves. ”
“So you’ve stayed in touch. ”
“I’ve kept track of her. ” Komal crossed her ankles, pressed her hands together in her lap. “When she opened the teahouse, I went to see her. I introduced myself to the hostess as an old friend, asked if Marguerite might have a moment to come out and share a cup with me, my treat, to congratulate her on her success. I remember the hostess was so nice, said she was sure Marguerite would be pleased to see me. ” Tyler watched the woman recall the situation, a shadow crossing her face. “I was given the best tea on the house, an excellent scone. The hostess was solicitous to my every need. At length she told me that Marguerite was so happy I’d come by but she was very busy today. She apologized on her behalf and said the house would pick up the tab. The hostess was embarrassed I could tell, so I reassured her with my politeness, my understanding and thanks. I sat there for a half hour drinking tea, studied the beautiful haven she’d created, walked the grounds. Then I left her a note on my napkin, that I wished her all the blessings of the world, for she’d earned them all. Throughout my visit, I could sense she was watching me somehow. ”
“She has a two-way mirror, the Victorian mirror over the mantel. At least it’s there now. ”
She nodded. “It’s not unusual for victims of trauma to eschew contact with any memory they have of it. But looking that place told me how carefully she’d constructed her sanctuary, to the point I expect she’s obsessive-compulsive about certain aspects of her life, the ones that help keep that brick wall in place. ”
“And would she be that way about romantic, sexual relationships?” Komal shook her head. “Mr. Winterman, a serious obsessive-compulsive cannot control the dynamics of a relationship. If I’m correct, I doubt she can sustain any interpersonal relationship, romantic or otherwise. She would compartmentalize any relationship she has.
“Now, on the other hand…” She held up a hand when he would have spoken, protested. “Marguerite is extremely strong. Neither of her parents showed a propensity for handling extreme trauma well. She went through more than either of them, at their hands, and she coped. ”
“I’ve seen her interact with her neighbors, her customers. Her staff. They all love her. ”
“Yes, let’s look at that. Where did she build her shop? She built it in a neighborhood where she essentially has no peers, culturally, socio-economically. She can once again keep them at arm’s length. The fact she does give to others suggests to me it’s a way she can connect without risk. But if a person tries to push past a certain boundary she will retreat, shut them off. I suspect you got in because you were somehow part of the ritualized environment she created, so you were already inside the boundary. She didn’t expect you to break out of your role, seek something more personal, so you took her off guard. I also suspect you’ve been frustrated by the fact that she rejects what she cannot keep within boundaries. And you need to consider carefully that may be the safest thing for her survival. ”
His expression darkened. “You can’t believe that’s any way for a person to live. ”
“That’s a very male reaction to a problem. ” But her voice was kind, softening the accusation. She opened a candy dish, took out a lemon drop, offered him one. Recovered the dish when he shook his head. “I’ve done this a long time. Enough to know that people do the best they can. And it’s important for those who love them to understand what their best is, because you can break them by forcing them to your best, or what you think their best should be. Mental handicaps are no different from physical ones in that regard.
“She’s a contributing member of society, but I suspect she’s chillingly rational about what she is and isn’t capable of. She’s created a very carefully crafted environment, which is what people with serious mental issues do. If you start disrupting that, you may think you’re breaking through, but she may be literally breaking into pieces, shattering. ”
