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“Nothing, except the path itself. ” There was a hint of sympathy in Lucifer’s voice.
“That the journey continues until it’s done. ”
“I’ll know her. ” Nathan remembered that kiss, held it to him like his own beating heart. “She knows me. She looks at me and doesn’t see a mirror. She sees me. ” She sees who I’ve been, who I am.
More than that, more than the punishment or anything else, there was one thing that made him sure that he’d remember her.
She had faith in him, in who he could be. No one, not even himself, had ever given him that before. Since his brave, beautiful Mistress had never intended to have faith in a man again, that meant there had to be something worth loving in him. Had to be.
Everything flashed through his mind. When he got into the car. When he faced down the leopard. When he took all of Dona’s punishments and yet still desired her.
When he turned as he did now, to face that red glow and all the terrible things it represented.
You’re not weak… I have faith in you…
“I’ll know her anywhere, in any form. I won’t lose her again. I won’t lose myself again. She found me. She’s my compass. ”
Lucifer inclined His head. “Noble sentiments. Are you strong enough to live up to them?”
Nathan began to move, the agony growing in his chest as he moved forward, as if the chasm returned all pains past and present. The pain of the piercings was suddenly there too, a gift. He didn’t know if it came from Lucifer, the Lady, or Dona herself, but he held that particular pain to him like a promise. Not giving himself time to think, he broke into a run, moving toward that red glow, toward the promise of Dona that would wait on the other side. Toward his choice.
Dona…
He gave a fierce yell, defiant, let it echo out over the chasm and come back to him, blast him with heat. Gathering himself for the charge, he leaped out over the void.
Gravity snatched him, spinning him downward toward flames. As he fell, he could see the shadows upon shadows in the fire, waiting for him.
He had survived the abandonment of his mother, the cold hatred and indifference of his foster mothers. He’d killed a woman with his cruelty and taken away the hopes and dreams of countless others. Through some miracle, he’d gotten Dona as his soul mate. He’d found his only hope for salvation in Hell. The irony was not lost on him.
There was someone out there whose soul was connected to his. That meant he would never be alone, that someone needed him as much as he needed her. He could survive this. He would. He’d remember her. Or be damned to Hell forever, no matter where he ended up. His mouth opened on a scream as the fire swallowed him up, the shadows taking him eagerly.
* * * * *
Show mercy, love.
“Did he show mercy to the women in his life, those he used to exorcise his own pain, futilely? How about Eliza? He must pay for his crimes, my lady. You would show mercy to all of them. ”
“I would. ” She looked fondly down at the image of the blue planet She held in Her palm, but there was sadness in Her gaze as well. They make things so difficult for themselves.
He reached out, for He couldn’t bear Her sadness, and touched Her spirit. “It will all be well, my lady. He is strong, stronger than I first believed. The soul chooses its own justice, knows what it must pay to earn what it most desires. He will be all right. ”
“Perhaps we could choose a different way this time. Something that would be best for them both… After all, he is right. We can fold time, go back, change the way the world turns, rearrange the chess pieces…if it be for the highest good. ”
“You are a plague to me, my Lady. ”
“I love you, my dearest and only Lord. ”
Chapter Twelve
“Clear!”
Fire through his body, jerking him, his heart pumping irregularly, faltering, stopping again. Oblivion. All I want is oblivion.
“Again!”
Heart yelping in protest. Don’t make me feel… For one moment, don’t make me feel…
Air, painful, dragging into the lungs. Heart feeling like a jagged rock pounding on the inside of his chest. Fire in his midsection.
