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"Well, it's just you, Him, and me." The minister nodded. "If you need to shout a bit, I'll leave you to it. Just don't resort to violence. My office is around the corner there." He pointed. "I'm Jerry. If you need a human counterpoint, come find me."
"Okay. Thanks. I mean it. Really."
He gave her a searching look. "Sometimes, after you get it all out, just sitting here quietly helps. It's been my experience that He offers His best solutions when someone is actually listening."
Jerry retreated on quiet footsteps down the aisle. Julie moved to one of the pews and sank down in it, contemplating the altar again, the bright flowers. She knew Jerry's advice was sound, but right now, she felt like she was going to shatter. If she kept thinking about this, she might just resort to breaking things. She should leave. But something about the quiet of the place made her want to stay. She typed in the name of the church, the street it was on, and two more words.
Please come.
Then she set the phone aside and tried not to think. Her hands were shaking and her heart was pounding, so she focused on calming down, not on trying to make sense of it. She needed to get a grip before she could make sense of what defied comprehension.
He was quick, she'd give him that. She wondered if he'd showed up at the theater after she left to help out Harris as he'd promised, which meant he hadn't been far from here. She had her eyes closed, but she knew his scent, that combination of hair and body products that enhanced every powerful, sexy inch of him. But right now, he wasn't some absurdly handsome man. He was just her friend.
Marcus slid in to the pew, his arm along the edge behind her, pressing against her shoulders. He didn't say anything, waiting her out.
"Do you believe in any of this?" she asked, her voice hoarse from a strain she couldn't define.
"More than I used to."
"Because of Thomas." She didn't need him to confirm the obvious. "What if Thomas got sick and died? Would you still believe? Or would you believe but be really pissed? Sign a deal with the devil to bring it all crashing down on everyone else, because you were hurting so badly you wanted everyone else to suffer, too?"
"Probably," he said truthfully. "Though I might take a minute to at least try to look at it the way Thomas would. That I'd had the opportunity to love someone the way he and I love one another, and too many people never find that."
"Yeah. It's hard to understand that scarcity." She bit her lip. "I've met very few people who don't deserve to have love in their life, or who wouldn't be better people if they did. So why is it so hard to find and keep?"
Marcus sighed and twirled a lock of her hair around two of his fingers. "Because we're human, which means we're innately self-destructive morons who refuse to attain the level of enlightenment needed to maximize the miracle of someone just as messed up as ourselves wanting to love us."
She met his serious green eyes. "Oh my God, who put together that string of bullshit?"
"You did. When you were drunk on your thirty-fifth birthday."
"Great. A drunk single woman with a degree in drama queen and too damn much higher education."
He touched her face. "What's going on, Julie?"
"He's sick, Marcus. Seriously sick."
She gave him the highlights she'd gotten from Betty, along with the things she'd learned since meeting Des. "Now he's mad at himself and feeling guilty for dragging me into all this. He told me at the beginning, mostly, but I don't think he expected it to suddenly get this bad, this quick. So he pushed me away, told me to get lost."
Marcus raised a silken brow. "I hope you told him to fuck off, you'll leave when you're damn good and ready."
"Sort of. He left before I could dig the shrapnel out of my chest and get that far." She drew endless circles on the blue denim stretched on Marcus's thigh.
"You have that uber-Dom, large and in charge thing happening. He's different, but the right kind of different for me. He's the quiet fire that's always going to keep the home fires burning. That's what I always wanted..." A hint of a painful smile touched her lips. "Well, with some of that dangerous bad boy thrown in, just enough to make it all fun. He has that, too. I hope you'll stick around long enough to see him do a rope session. It's something else."
Marcus nodded agreeably, though he remained quiet. Just listening.
"I told him I would give him a kidney, and..." She stopped as Marcus winced. "Yeah, that's the same reaction he had. What the fuck?"
"Because he's a man. Because he's a Dom. Because he's in love with you, Julie. Despite how much ground you've covered, you're still just starting on this road together. You say he drew hard lines about his health from the beginning, which means he didn't want it to interfere with the falling in love part. Now this has come along and your first, very well meaning offer to help is to have an organ cut out of your body for him."
"Yeah, I get it. It's pride."
"Don't get a tone." He shook his head. "Pride isn't the surface emotion a lot of people think it is. It can be, but in this case, I think it's connecting to a lot of deeper issues. Control of his own life, his perception of himself, and how others perceive him."
"I love him, Marcus. I know we're just on the front end of it, but I do. I don't doubt it at all, and I think he doesn't, either. Which is maybe why he's acting like this. If we'd just been playing at falling in love, he could convince himself I could just walk away and he could too and he could die without hurting anyone..." She stopped, her voice breaking, and Marcus's arm moved fully around her shoulders, drawing her close so he could kiss the top of her head.
"I know you love him. I can se
