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She blinked over the memory of a beloved husband, her hand dropping to her wedding set without conscious thought. Des felt an odd twist as he always did, seeing those subtle yet unmistakable signs of a family connection that extended over years. He'd never had that, but he was hearing about the family that had contributed to his own life's path. No matter how painful the tale for both of them, he realized he did want to hear it.
He'd always claimed that it didn't matter if he knew or not and, in a way, it didn't, but knowing who his mother was had always been a puzzle. Her pieces added to the picture of his own life. It might not change who he was or how he viewed himself, but would give him a greater sense of balance, however hard it was for him to explain why. Perhaps it was because of what he saw in Elaine's face now. That sense of being part of a whole, not a piece cut away and drifting alone.
"She refused, of course, but that was when I learned about you. She broke down and cried, and said if she hadn't been forced to give up her baby, maybe she would have been happy like me. At first I thought she was lying, a sympathy ploy to convince me to let her stay longer. Like most addicts, lies came as easily to her as truth, and all too often became the same to her. But as it all spilled out, I realized, to my horror, she wasn't lying."
Elaine's eyes became distant as she recalled the conversation with her sister. "She told me you'd been born sickly. In her twisted mind, she took that as more proof that God hated her. She said God could have given her something perfect and beautiful to love, but he gave her something she couldn't care for, an excuse to leave you with the hospital and the social workers."
Elaine paused, recalling herself, and put her hand over Des's on the blanket. Her touch was soft and cool. He was more ready for it now, but his fingers twitched in reaction, so she drew her hand away.
"Forgive me, son. Perhaps I shouldn't have told you that, but nothing in those words she spoke were true. You were a gift she should have treasured. Your health was merely her excuse."
"Yeah. And her fault. She abused her body, and my body paid the price."
Des had no anger over it. It was just simple logic. But when Elaine flinched, he put out a hand, palm up. She glanced at him, then laid hers in it, like a butterfly landing. It worked better that way, him initiating the touch. He closed his fingers over hers, gently, wondering at touching her. But the feeling that rose in him was too powerful, too undefined, and he didn't want to lose control. He drew back.
"Like you said, she blamed others for the things she did. I'm not a child, Elaine. Maybe when I was little, I went through the 'why didn't my parents love me enough to keep me' phase, but I had good people at the boys' home who looked after me. I'm not really into religion, but I do believe there's Something out there, and whatever she was so willing to blame gave me the smarts to embrace my life instead of being bitter about it. Most the time." He smiled at her. "You know, once when I was in the hospital, Miss America came to visit the children's ward? She was wearing this silky floral dress. When she bent down to stroke my head, I could look right down the front of it. I was nine. I was old enough to appreciate the gift."
Elaine tsked at him, but her eyes twinkled, telling him he'd succeeded in easing her mind. "Mind your manners, young man."
He sobered. "Seriously, she was nice. And I thought, wow, if I hadn't been in the hospital today, I wouldn't have met her. It was around about then I started realizing that, no matter what shit I had to deal with about my health, there were plenty of good things out there for me. I just had to pay attention so I didn't miss out on the opportunities to have them. Fortunately, my first goal--to marry her--didn't work out, so I didn't find myself off the market when I met Julie."
"She's a very special woman."
"She is." Des read the speculation in the older woman's face. "I won't hurt her. I love her."
"Then you'll definitely hurt her." The wisdom and experience of it showed in Elaine's hazel eyes. "That's the way love works. She'll hurt you sometimes, too. But love is all about forgiving one another, learning to love, laugh and grow together. Build a life together. Is that your intention?"
Des blinked at the shift. Though Elaine had been tentative in their discussions of Christine, Des now found himself in the laser sights of a woman who operated on a code many would consider outdated. But she'd obviously taken Julie under her wing and would protect her in the ways she knew best.
Despite being b
edridden and not at his best or most stubborn, he rallied enough to give her a direct look.
"I think that's something she and I should discuss first before I make my intentions known to anyone else."
"Hmph." Another long stare, and Des considered it lucky he didn't relapse, holding fast against it. Then Elaine's lips curved, and her eyes sparkled anew.
"You'll do, Desmond. You have backbone." She rose, gripping his hand and holding onto it this time. "If you don't already have a tradition of your own, I'll expect you for Christmas with the rest of the family. Julie usually stays at Marcus and Thomas's house, right down the road from us, and you're welcome to do that, or you two can stay in Thomas's old bedroom. My house is open to you."
I'll expect you for Christmas with the rest of the family. Never in his life had those words been said to him. Maybe it was the surgery, the painkillers he was on, or other debilitating factors that made him susceptible to sucker punch triggers, but his chest got tight, his throat thickening. "Um...I...that would be..."
Her eyes softened, and she bent down to kiss his forehead, her thin, cool hands cupping his jaw. She pressed her cheek against his, trapping the moisture that had leaked from his eye and absorbing it into her own creased skin. She straightened, combing her fingers through the wisps of hair at his brow.
"You have no idea how much you look like her," she said, her own voice thick. "I lost my sister, Desmond, long before she actually died. I prayed for her every day, but when she told me about you, God forgive me, I prayed even harder for you. Though I knew giving you up was the best thing she ever could have done for you, I prayed that you'd end up with someone who loved you. I've prayed for you every day since she told me about you."
She was killing him. As he tried to nod, her hand gripped his again, her eyes suddenly brilliant in their intensity. "I know you're a grown man, and you've dealt with all these things, and obviously dealt with them well. You are a generous, kind person. However, I want you to know something. If she had come to us when she was pregnant with you, Robert and I would have taken you in a heartbeat. You would have been raised as one of our children, just as loved as any of them. I didn't have the chance to do that, but if you want a family now, you have one."
Okay, Marcus was right. The woman was evil. When his shoulders shuddered and he turned his face away, she wrapped her arms around him. Though she was careful not to disrupt his IVs, she held his face to her bosom so he could bury those tears there. He had his arm around her fragile yet oddly sturdy body and, while he held on tighter than he should have, she never flinched. She cradled him in her arms in a way he'd also never experienced. As he wept without thought or analysis, she cried, too.
His body would heal from this surgery, but Elaine had just helped heal a wound to his soul.
He didn't really remember running down, but the drugs and the stress of the surgery overcame him. He recalled her settling him back on the pillows and using a damp cloth to wipe his face, her fingertips combing back his hair again. She admonished him about using the word 'shit' earlier, telling him he needed to watch his language. It made him smile. He slept.
He was aware of Julie coming back, sitting with him, gripping his hand, the press of her mouth against his, an entirely welcome sensation he tried to prolong, but his arm was too weak to lift. It was okay, though. Her clean female scent stayed close.
When he woke again, she was curled up in the guest chair, asleep. Marcus was laying a blanket over her, and Elaine was saying something about wishing she could bring him back some breakfast since hospital food was so horrible. He was all for that.
"Eggs and hash browns," he mumbled. "And take Julie with you. She needs to sleep in a real bed. Don't let her wear herself out. I'm fine here."
