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She paused in mid-pour, blinking at him, and then a laugh bubbled out of her, she couldn't help it. He looked so earnest, only a little twinkle in his eye. She set down the syrup. "I'm sorry. Oh God, it's awful of me to be laughing at that."
"Actually, it's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard."
She stopped, seeing the truth of it in his gaze. He was looking at her as if he'd like to see her laugh every day of their lives. She cleared her throat, feeling heat in her cheeks.
"So this is why you haven't had many relationships outside of a scene."
"Yeah. It's my big skeleton in the closet. So do I get the dollar?"
"I'll think about it. Not sure if your mortality really measures up to my wretched dating life. Maybe we'll just leave both dollars as part of our tip."
His lips curved, and though her stomach tilted at the gesture, she covered it with a noncommittal noise. "Honestly, I feel kind of dumb for unloading all that other stuff on you now. It would be nice to turn back time, to undo every stupid thing I've ever done."
"Then you wouldn't be who those moments taught you to be, right?"
"Why can't we learn lessons from being brilliant and perfect?"
Des smirked. "Because the Powers That Be are sadists." He touched her fork with his, a small tinny noise. "You shouldn't be embarrassed. I'm very glad you trusted me enough to share all that."
"If that's your kind of show, anytime you want a front row seat to my insecurities, I'll give you a free ticket."
"Don't do that, Julie." He spoke sharply enough her surprised gaze flickered up to his face. "Anything you share with me so honestly is a gift. That's part of what drew me into rope and working with subs. During a session, if everything goes the way it should, all we feel is so out front, no hidden motives or things unsaid, left to fester and infect the relationship." He pressed the toe of his work shoe down on her canvas sneaker, enough she felt his weight upon her toes. It was an intentional discomfort that focused her attention and sharpened other things inside of her. He saw it, his expression whetting with a Dom's interest, but he wasn't letting it go. "Okay?"
"I'll try. Okay." She wet her lips. "Why is that so important to you?"
"Because the world is full of so much crap we tell ourselves and each other that doesn't really mean anything. That's one of the things I liked about you from the beginning. You're clever and funny as hell, but there's not a dishonest bone in your body."
"Hmm." She returned her attention to her food, wanting to conceal how unsettling his words were. To be praised for the things she'd begun to think were flaws...it annoyed her, the clear evidence that she'd let those who tore her down define her. She should know better than that.
He'd ordered a giant vegetable omelet with a side of dry wheat toast, and she stole a sliced grape tomato that fell out the end of the omelet. In turn, he took a bite of her pancake, soaked with syrup. Fair was fair.
"When you tied me up, I noticed you touched my hands a lot. I liked it. Why do you do that?"
"Any blackberry jelly on your side?"
She checked the condiment container, and handed it over, their fingertips brushing. He briefly held onto them, giving her a warm look.
"It connects us emotionally, making sure we're still taking the journey together. The practical side is I'm testing your circulation. If your hands are cold, I know I need to adjust the form or release you to avoid damage."
"Hmm." That was how it had made her feel. Connected to him, not objectified or separate, the subject of an experiment, no matter how sensual. "You know, you're kind of a hypocrite. You'll do a dangerous stunt on a steep roof, but you freak out if I have a rope mishap."
"That's different. One's about me being in charge of me, where I can be as much of a dumbass as I want. The other is wanting to take care of you."
"I can't feel that way about you?"
"You don't need to feel that way about me."
She screwed up her face and crossed her eyes at him. "You know that's crazy thinking, right? Being in a relationship is caring about each other. It's not one-sided. That's part of you trusting me."
He rolled that over in his mind, obvious from the introspection, the slight gold glint to his irises when he was giving something real thought. His jaw had a light layer of afternoon stubble on it and she reached across the table to trail her fingertips over the sandpaper feel, just because she wanted to do so. He had told her she could be open and honest about all her feelings, and she hoped that included when she wanted to touch him.
"That idea will take me a little time," he said, closing his fingers around her wrist and pressing his lips to the heel of her hand. She liked the feel of that, especially as he gave her that look that said he liked knowing he had her caught.
"Okay," she said. She feigned indifference, despite her pulse speeding up against his hold. "But it's kind of Relationship 101."
"A lot of things are Relationship 101. Doesn't mean they're easy skills to master."
"Isn't that the definition of 101? Entry level, beginner stuff?"
