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"Maybe."
She sniffed and pretended she was going back to her side of the table, but he put a hand on her knee, keeping her still. He played with her ponytail, twining his fingers in it. "So spill. Who would it be?"
"I guess it would be Marcus and Thomas. If something isn't right, Marcus steps in and makes it right." She deepened her voice and imitated her friend. "'Hey, what the hell is this Pearly Gates shit? Heaven's a gated community? Really? Who's in charge here?' Thomas would calm him down and be the pure soul that gets Marcus and me in despite all our flaws." Who would your person be? Or persons?"
His expression was thoughtful, but his eyes dwelled upon her in a way that held her still. Like a bird in his hand, as he'd described at the lake.
"I'll tell you another day," he said.
Since he didn't say anything further and seemed lost in thought, she chose to remain quiet. Thinking he'd want to put his hair back up before he returned to the job site, she took the band from his wrist and scooted closer to comb her fingers through his hair and pull it back from his face, working the band over the thick tail in a double wrap. He dipped his head down to accommodate her and, when she finished, she let her fingers linger on his rough jaw.
He looked up, their faces close. "You've eaten, so there's another answer you owe me."
The increase in tension in his fingers on her shoulder, in his leg beneath hers, told her the answer mattered. She wanted to give him the answer he wanted, but it was how much she wanted to give him that answer that worried her. But he'd said this took courage, didn't it? She was far less courageous than he thought, but maybe, just this one last time...
"You've told me what I need to know, Des. If you mean it, I want to keep going forward. I want to be with you, keep figuring things out with you. I think we've already passed the point where I'd choose anything different, anyway. But watching you do a session with another woman...that's going to be a tough one for me. I'm a traditional girl, all in all, and this world is new to me. I'm going to have some out of sync moments about it."
His fingers dropped to stroke the valley of her spine beneath her shirt. Her answer had changed his eyes to that copper intensity. If there'd been room in the booth, she suspected he would have pulled her onto his lap then and there. She wondered how late he could be back to work and if either of their vehicles would accommodate two grappling adults. Were there any isolated parks nearby?
Fortunately--or not so fortunately--he helped distract her. "Maybe when you see me perform with Missive, it will help. And you can ask me anything you want about that, before or after."
"Not during?"
"Well, Miss Director, I have no problem with you walking out on stage and making it a Q&A, but I think your audience might." He became more serious, hand returning to her leg, gliding up and down her thigh. "It does get intense. So if you do end up feeling unhappy about it, promise me something. Don't walk away. Let's talk it out. I think it will be easier to talk about it afterward, after you've watched it first, rather than trying to hash out all your possible reactions beforehand. Okay?"
"Okay."
"Hey." He tapped her forearm. "In case I haven't stated it clearly enough, if we're walking this path together, I'm not planning on having sex with someone else in a session. Or out."
It was reassuring to hear, though a BDSM scene was sexual by nature, whether actual sex happened or not. But it was something. She wasn't going to be a baby about it or quiz him about particulars. Not right now. It was like he'd said. They'd just wait and see how she reacted to his stage performance.
She closed her hands around his on her thigh. "All right. Is it okay if we keep it kind of light until opening night? That still feels like a turning point to me, a starting line, if that makes sense."
He didn't say anything for a few moments, studying her as if he was considering variables beyond her comprehension. When she was about to shift uncomfortably, he spoke.
"I think you might be right. I'll plan accordingly."
He didn't explain that further, shifting topics. "But I want to see you between now and then, Julie, and not just when I come in to do my part for the performance. How about a couple normal dates, when you can fit it in?"
"That sounds good." Perversely, she was caught between happiness that he wanted to keep pursuing this like a real relationship and disappointment he wasn't overriding her caution and taking her to a dungeon lair where he could shatter her mind.
He muttered something under his breath and leaned in to speak against her ear, teasing it with his mouth and his tongue as he did so.
"You don't have a poker face at all, love." The suggestion he subsequently planted in her mind was enough to push away any worries and send erotic shivers through her body. Her fingers tightened around his hand, the one that had been inching up her thigh. As he drew back enough to stare into her eyes, she realized Des could be pushed beyond civilized behavior, even in a public place.
"When will that date be?" she managed in a breathy voice.
"Sometime after that starting line. Sooner rather than later." His voice dropped to a whisper, sending shivers down the side of her throat and tingling through her body. "Though it may happen sooner than that. All sorts of things can happen on a 'normal' date."
His eyes glowed with the promise of it.
Despite sexual frustration and what she'd decided to dub sub-anxiety, a state where a submissive personality wanted more, more, more, now, now, now, she was in a good mood when she returned to the theater. She was ready to sing some more Taylor Swift. She ignored Harris's snicker and finished out the rest of the day with a million thoughts in her head.
When he and the scattering of stage hands went for a dinner break before the dry tech run, and she had the theater mostly to herself for the next half hour, she knew it was at last time to make a call. She'd done the texting thing the last few weeks as promised, and Marcus and Thomas had both responded regularly. They'd also emailed and posted things on social media to let her know they were no farther away than she needed them to be.
She felt guilty she'd pushed them away as she sorted things out for herself, but they were the type of friends who would understand. Well, Thomas would, and he would help Marcus to understand. Marcus just liked to control everything. She grinned and took a seat on the empty stage, punching the button on her phone that would connect her to Marcus.
It wasn't purely a social call. She needed to understand a few things that only Marcus could explain from the Dom, aka Des, perspective. What he couldn't, Thomas would, but she generally went to Marcus first. Must be the sub in her.
