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As the boy headed back to the others, Julie choked on laughter. "Oh my God, who was that kid? His mother so needs to sign him up with a talent scout."
"I know it's hard to believe," Des said deadpan, "but he is a drama student." His expression became droll. "Goes to one of the magnet schools for the fine arts, which is where he gets away with such a cheesy routine."
"Hey, you put that kind of confidence behind it, a cheesy routine can make a girl's heart flutter. Add to that the hair and the charm. Wow. Glad I'm sitting down. My knees are weak."
Des made a grab for one. She scooched out of range and held up a hand. "Now, other than the fact everyone should meet that kid, why did you specifically want me to meet him?"
Des put his arm around her and drew her closer. Now that he wasn't trying to tickle her, she was amenable to it, her hand naturally falling on his thigh. "He's learned to deal with his diabetes and his life in a way a kid would," Des explained. "With imagination, by creating a role for himself. He's able to stay a kid. Though it's not always fun for him, he's got the child wonder thing happening, the belief that reality is still a choice, not a requirement."
His expression became serious. "I didn't have that. I constructed who I was on a flat concrete slab of reality and built who I was there. Rope gave me a place to step outside of that and into an alternate version of myself."
He adjusted to touch her face, slide his fingertips along her shoulder. Though he paused as if sorting out his words, he had Julie's full attention. His voice, when he spoke, was low and honest. Rough.
"When I touch you, it's different. I don't step outside myself. Instead, I go deeper in." He gave her a crooked smile. "I found wonder at last. I don't want to give up that fantasy yet, Julie, especially when I've just found it. It was why I touched you so soon after meeting you. I wanted to make sure you were real. The spider only gave me an excuse."
She looked down at her lap. "You make it really hard for a girl to be pissed at you."
Yet she only half meant it. She was still more irritated than she knew she had a right to be. Or maybe not. She couldn't quite put her finger on it but, as wonderful as hearing his words was, what had happened still bugged her, the way he'd shut her and Betty down so decisively.
"I'm sure you'll manage being pissed at me when needed," he said wryly, as if reading her mind. "I tend to bring it out in women, as you noticed with Betty."
"She loves you. Love can make you crazy." That was probably why she wasn't completely over her irritation, but she tried to shift the mood. She tipped up his bill cap and touched the fading purple streak in his hair. "I think you're wrong. I think you already discovered your child wonder side, just later in life."
"Is that your way of saying I'm emotionally immature for my age?"
She shook her head at him and sighed. "Okay, I can leave it there for right now. But when the time comes, I'll be here, Des. I won't run. I can handl
e it."
"That's just it." He shook his head. "I don't want you to have to."
Crap. Why couldn't he just have agreed? He had to go and push one of her triggers. Men.
"Why?" She got up and faced him, keeping her voice down with an effort. "Why do men have to be so proud? I get that you're a tough guy who replaces roofs for a living. You walk on your hands forty feet above the ground and drive a truck. I've been up close and personal with your balls. I know you have bigger than average ones."
His expression flickered dangerously. "It's about controlling my own life, Julie. I didn't have a mother, and I damn well proved I don't need one. Even if I did, that's not what I want from a girlfriend."
"Would you care to outline my role so I don't step outside the boundaries? Am I not allowed to care about what happens to you? Because whether or not you want to admit it, I suspect your health is a little higher on the list of things your girlfriend should know about than for the average guy."
He went to a full scowl. "The state of my fucking internal organs is not going to run my relationships or my life."
"Your vital organs do run your life, by keeping you alive to live it. If you refuse to acknowledge I have a vested interest in that, that I can be helpful to you, then you're telling me I'm the same as a session hookup you leave at the door of a club."
His brow creased. "Julie, that's not true. You know that."
"Yeah. Mostly." She took a breath, glancing over her shoulder to make sure their argument wasn't reaching anyone else. "I get that it takes time to let someone inside that kind of door, but you're giving me the impression if I expect it to ever open, I'll be waiting a hell of a long time. All because you want to hang onto control of everything behind it."
"I just told you what I want. Why can't I just have this with you for at least a little while, without having to get into all that?"
He was right. But he was also wrong. She couldn't explain why, but she was going to go with her gut, that Betty was right. She doubted Des would have let the nurse be so embedded in his life if she was an alarmist. He lived on her property, for God's sake. That couldn't be coincidental. Maybe it had boiled down to: Okay, I'm going to need someone to help me monitor my health, but I'm choosing the person.
"Yeah, you want the fantasy. I get it. But while Mylo is playing his charm games, he's handling what needs to be handled. Those numbers Betty is worried about sound serious. If Mylo's numbers looked like that, would you tell him to ignore them?"
"That's different."
"Is it? It doesn't sound like you have too much time to indulge reality-dodging." She tried to step back from the worry that suddenly had her by the throat, because the truth lurked in the shadows of his expression. Softening her tone, she touched his hand clenched on his knee. "Our relationship doesn't have to be perfect for it to be wonderful."
But he'd shut down. His fist didn't open, and his expression had become just as closed, his eyes shifting so he was staring stonily at the kids.
