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"He tried to choke her... Tried to kill Siren..."
"From what I picked up, she deserved it," Regina snapped. "I would have choked her myself, if I could have gotten here any faster."
She plucked the keys off the hook and unlocked the cell. When Alex came closer, she shot him a searing look. "You fucking stay back," she said. "You've done enough. Clear this damn room."
"Duncan," she said. "The door's open. Come here." She reached in, but it wasn't her again. It was his father, pulling him to the table, and it was Dot under his knife. He struck out, missed and hit the bars. The pain was welcome, bringing Regina and the present back into focus. He did it again, and wanted to keep doing it, just hammer his fists into blood and fragments of bone so the agony wouldn't let the past swallow him again.
But Regina's hands rested on his fists, curved over them. She held his gaze, wouldn't let him go away. She wasn't restraining him, but she didn't need to do so. He wouldn't beat on the bars if her fragile fingers were between his fists and the unrelenting steel. His gaze clung to her, the one thing of color in a gray world.
He still couldn't breathe. Regina eased him out of the cell and put him on his ass, using the outside of the cage to prop him up in a sitting position. She crouched next to him. She was still in her teaching clothes, her trim slacks and crisp blouse.
"Easy," she murmured. "It's a panic attack. Nothing's wrong with you. Just slow everything down. Easy."
He was gripping her too hard, though not as hard as he'd wanted to grip Siren's neck. "I tried to kill her," he rasped. "I tried..."
"She cornered you and broke every rule there is about how to treat a sub. It's okay."
"No, it's not. Why...why did you..."
"No. Not me." She touched his face, bringing his gaze up to her worried eyes, her tense features. "Someone pretended to be me, had the staff send you that text. I was expecting to see you at dinner tomorrow, our usual routine."
"So you didn't..."
"Mother of God, no. No, sweet boy. Sssh." She tried to put her arms around him, but it was too soon. He pushed away. She let him go, respecting that, but as he struggled to his feet and gripped the bars of the cage to stay on them, the darkness kept closing in on him.
"Not. I'm not that. I tried to kill her. Wanted to kill her."
"Duncan." Regina stood before him, giving him space but staying in his direct line of vision, keeping his focus on her. At least externally.
"You have triggers. You know that. She was so set on making you face what you did to her and taking her pound of flesh, she had no interest in why you did it or who you are. So she stomped on those triggers and set them off. You didn't want to kill her, Marius. You were protecting yourself."
Protecting himself? Regina hadn't been in his head, hearing those voices, feeling the drive to take life from someone who was mocking him. He would have done it and felt nothing.
He brought his gaze to Alex, who stood on their periphery. Though he was trying to maintain a professional DM facade, his unhappiness and unease suggested guilt. The sharp look Regina shot him said she'd also put it together.
"Taught me a lesson, did you?" Marius said softly.
He was aware of Regina moving closer, her tension increasing. She was worried he would launch himself at Alex, pound his self-righteous face into a wall. He could do it. Make him bleed. Make him beg.
Alex met Marius's gaze squarely, despite the shame and regret suffusing his features. "She's been so off her game since it happened, and this seemed a way to help her get peace about it. You said you were wanting to understand, you said you're sorry. She said Regina had asked for a temporary pass and knew about it. She didn't tell me it was going to be like this. Or about your father. And...I thought I'd be here. There was a problem in the other room--"
"A fucking distraction, you idiot," Regina snapped. "Which accomplished exactly what they intended. And the Mistress who knew I was working late tonight helps in The Zone administrative offices. She approved the fucking pass in my name. What got me here was Tina's text to confirm I knew about this, because she thought something was up. Apparently she has better instincts than the damn Dungeon Master watching the floor."
Alex nodded, accepting that, looking miserable. The rage simmering in Marius had no target. He was weary. Too weary too care. "I'm going to go change," he said woodenly. Things felt very distant, as if Regina and Alex were tiny figures within a model version of The Zone, and he was floating somewhere around it, detached.
"Good. We'll go home," Regina said. He backed away, shaking his head.
"Not now." Not ever. The certainty of it was a rock in his chest where his heart should be. He stared at her, her beauty and strength, her glorious anger only exceeded by concern about him. It made everything inside him hurt. Abruptly, he dropped to one still quivering knee. "Thank you, Mistress. But we're done. I'm done. I don't belong here. Or with you."
He rose and strode away. As he passed through the club, through the quiet knots of people with accusing or curious eyes, he didn't pay attention to anything or anyone. He kept going, knowing if he stopped too long the lava inside him would explode, overflow, too many emotions to manage. But he knew where to find an outlet for those. He just needed to get in his street clothes and get the hell out of here.
As he went down the stairs to where the locker rooms were, he was brought up short by someone unexpected. Marguerite Winterman, dressed in white blouse and dark gold pencil-style skirt, her pale blue eyes focused on his face.
"You need your Mistress," she said quietly. "Don't run away from her."
He put his hands on her arms and bodily moved her out of his way. Albeit without malice or harm, it was still way outside of protocol for him to put his hands on her. But he was no longer bound by any of this. He'd proven once and for all it was something that couldn't keep him in check, no matter how much he had hoped for and craved the right to belong to a Mistress
. He had no rights when it came to Mistresses. Not now, or ever again.
