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This hurt so f**king bad, he thought as he struggled for control. She didn’t love him, didn’t want him. She wasn’t the pathetic one, he was. He’d only loved two women in his life and both of them could have cared less, first his mother and now Jamie.
He didn’t want to love her. A long time ago he closed his heart off and it should have damn well stayed closed. She had no f**king business making him fall in love with her, he thought bitterly even as he reached for her and how f**ked up was that? He knew that she didn’t love him, but he couldn’t help but hope, pray really that she cared at least a little bit for him to take the edge off the tightness in his chest.
“No, you don’t!” she cried, shoving him away.
“Yes, I do!” he snapped back, reaching for her again only to have her weakly slap his hands away.
“You can’t!”
“Why the hell not?” he demanded.
“Because you’ll get yourself killed, you jackass!” she snapped back and not even a second later she slapped both of her hands against her mouth as her eyes widened in surprise at what she probably thought was profanity since he noticed that she didn’t swear or the fact that she’d just said a little too much.
“What did you just say?” he asked, stepping in front of her as she tried to head back down the hall and the hell away from him.
“Nothing,” she mumbled, trying to get past him, but he refused to move.
“It didn’t sound like nothing to me, Jamie. What did you say?” he asked, not allowing himself to hope that maybe, just maybe she cared about him too.
“Just let me go, Nick. Please!”
Let her go? There was no way in hell that he was going to let that happen.
Not now. Not when there was a possibility that for once someone loved him back.
When she folded her arms over her chest defensively and turned away from him he stepped up behind her, careful not to touch her in any way.
“Tell me that you don’t care about me, Jamie, and you can go,” he said softly.
“I don’t!” she cried, but he didn’t believe her.
“You’re lying,” he said tightly, keeping his voice low and even as he resisted the urge to take her into his arms and shake some sense into her.
“No, I’m not, Nick. We’re over. I don’t care about you and I never want to see you again,” she said, her voice breaking as she struggled not to cry.
“Look me in the eye and say that,” he said, praying like hell that he wasn’t wrong. He couldn’t be wrong, not about her. She was his little recluse, his sweet, loving Jamie and he knew that she cared about him.
Slowly, so damn slowly that he thought his heart was going to burst in two, she turned around. When she looked up at him and didn’t quite meet his eyes he had his answer.
“I don’t love you, Nick. Please just let me go,” she said, keeping her eyes averted to the right as her chin trembled and her body shook as she struggled to hold back the sobs that he knew were threatening to escape.
“You’re a liar,” he said softly as he reached over and gently cupped her face in his hands.
“No, I’m not!” she cried out as tears began to stream down her face and she tried to step away from him, but he wouldn’t allow it. He was done playing this game and wanted to know why she was so damn willing to break his heart.
“Look me in the eye, Jamie, and tell me that you don’t love me,” he demanded softly even as he carefully wiped her tears away with the pads of his thumbs.
“I did,” she mumbled, sounding miserable.
“No, you didn’t, baby. Look me right in the eye and tell me that you don’t love me and I will let you go, Jamie,” he promised, knowing he would, but that it would probably kill him.
Beautiful glimmering caramel eyes looked up and locked on his. He watched as she worked her mouth soundlessly for several minutes before finally closing her mouth and looking away from him in defeat.
“If you can’t tell me that you don’t love me then why don’t you tell me why you’re willing to lie to me, Jamie?” he suggested, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
“Tell me why you’re willing to break my heart,” he whispered against her forehead.
Instead of answering him she shook her head, but thankfully didn’t try to step away from him. He dropped his hands from her face and without a word swept her up into his arms and carried her down the hallway. When she still didn’t speak he started to become a little nervous. He sat down on the leather loveseat and adjusted her in his arms until she was straddling his lap. Once he was done he took both of her cool hands into his and pressed a kiss to each palm.
“Are you upset about the video?” he asked, feeling like an idiot. Of course she was up about the video, but he didn’t know if that was the reason that she was pulling away. “If I had known, I-“
“It’s not the video,” she whispered.
“Then what is it?”
“I shouldn’t be around you.”
“Why? Because I’m a bad influence?” he asked teasingly, hoping to get her to smile. When her lips twitched he damn near sighed in relief.
“Because of the threat. If you’re around me you might get hurt.”
“And you don’t want me to get hurt?” he guessed.
She shook her head.
“Because you love me?”
“Maybe,” she mumbled, pulling her hands away so that she could play with one of the buttons on his shirt.
“Maybe?” he repeated, trying not to glare at the stubborn woman as he continued. “You thought by pushing me away that you were protecting me.”
“If you’re not around me then you won’t be hurt,” she said firmly as she looked up and met his eyes.
“Uh huh,” he said, wondering if he should just spank her ass now or cut off her chocolate supply. It was his job to protect her and he really didn’t appreciate her interference. It was touching that she cared about him enough to protect him, but really the woman needed to let him do his damn job, he decided with a shrug as he rearranged her on his lap until she was lying across his knees.
Chapter 28
“Oh, no you don’t,” Nick said, swiping the large coffee roll with extra icing out of her hand.
“But I need that!” She made a mad grab for it, but Nick simply ignored her as he put it back in the white bakery box and dropped the box in the top drawer of the tall black filing cabinet near his desk. When he closed the drawer and locked it she considered kicking him in the shin and stealing the key out of his hand.
