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I shrugged. “I don’t remember much about church,” I said. “I wasn’t the best about it, you know?”
“I’m not sure what that means.”
“I used to bring paperbacks in with me and read during the sermons. It was the only way my parents would let me go.”
He snorted. “That’s funny. My foster parents never would’ve let me do that.”
“Lucky me, I guess?”
“I liked church though.” He tilted his head, staring up at the altar. “I liked the ceremony. I always thought it was beautiful.”
“I’ve never been to mass before.”
“We could go sometime,” he said. “Maybe we could go here.”
I looked at him for a long moment. He stared straight ahead with a small, sad smile on his lips.
“What do you think is after this?” I asked, my voice gentle.
He glanced at me. “Not sure,” he said. “Heaven, maybe, though for me—”
“No, I mean, after this whole situation we’re in is over.”
“Ah,” he said. “I’m not sure of that, either.”
“You think it can end if my dad makes a deal with the other mob, right?”
“That’s the idea.”
“Then what? I just… get left alone?”
“I hope so.”
“And what about you?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “Saving you was something of a bridge-burning action, you know what I mean?”
“I almost feel bad, which is weird, because that just means you don’t get to kill people for a living.”
He just shrugged. “It’s complicated.”
“But seriously, where will this leave you?”
“I’ll manage.”
“Won’t the Leone family want to… punish you?” I chewed on my lip for a second. “I mean, they can’t just let you get away with defying them, right? That’s how these people operate.”
He gave me a long look and I thought I saw a measure of surprise and sadness in his eyes.
“I don’t know what they’ll do,” he said. “But you’re right, they’ll probably want to make an example out of me.”
“So basically, by saving my life, you threw away yours.”
“You could see it that way,” he said. “I’m choosing to see it a different way.”
“How’s that?”
“I’m choosing to think of this as a new beginning.”
“Come on,” I said. “That can’t be true. What are you going to do? Get a real job?”
“I have skills.”
“I don’t think they’re really applicable to the real world.”
He just shook his head and stood. “Come on,” he said. “Let’s go before we get yelled at.”
He slipped past me and back out into the aisle. He walked toward the entrance. I watched him go then got up and followed. My steps echoed off the marble.
I wanted to say a prayer, but I didn’t know how.
So I kept my mouth shut and followed Tanner back outside.
He lingered on the steps. “We should get back.”
I just nodded. He didn’t reach out to take my hand.
I followed him back to the hotel.13TannerGoing out was a stupid risk.
But I was just as bored as Elise and couldn’t help myself.
I regretted it, of course. As soon as we got back into the hotel, I went into the bedroom and started the bath. She lingered near the bathroom door and watched me.
“You want me to come in now?” she asked.
“That’s fine,” I said. “You don’t have to.”
“But we had a deal?”
I shook my head. “It’s fine.”
“If it’s about what I said in the church, I didn’t mean to—”
“I said, it’s fine.” I stared at her, expression flat. “Go order room service or something.”
She opened her mouth then shut it again. “Fine,” she said. “I’m just trying to be nice. I don’t even know why I bother.”
She stormed off.
I rubbed my face and shut the bathroom door.
I was a fucking moron.
I don’t know what I expected. I gave up my life for some strange girl that I wanted, and of course I didn’t think that all the way through. At the end of this she could go back to her cushy little life and her nice job and her boring as sin office buddies and trade gossip over the coffee maker while I’ll end up back at my house alone with no jobs and no prospects and a mafia that wants to kill me as an example to all the other hitmen in the city.
Not the best fucking future imaginable.
Before I could undress, my phone rang. I stared at the unknown number and answered on a whim.
“Hello?”
“Tanner, it’s Lee.”
I turned off the water. “Hello, Lee,” I said. “Lovely to hear from you.”
He grunted. “I did that thing you asked for.”
“Yeah? How’d it go?”
“Not the best,” he said. “Annoying, actually.”
“Did you find him?”
“I sure did. And I’ll tell you right now, it wasn’t easy.”
“What’s so hard about finding one fucking guy in this city?”
Lee laughed. “Like I said, it’s Bennigan. He’s a psycho. Worse than you, no offense.”
“None taken. Where’s he sleeping these days?”
“Here’s the thing,” Lee said, and I knew this was going to be a real pain in the ass. “I feel like I can’t just give that to you anymore.”
