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Because that’s what my father used to do.
I closed my eyes and thought about my dad from the past few years. He worked as a dock supervisor, and although he didn’t love the job, he loved that he had steady, honest work. He left early in the morning and came home late in the evening, but he never seemed unhappy and rarely had a complaint about the docks. He cracked a beer, watched a football game, and went to bed early.
It was hard to believe that man used to sell crack, or heroin, or whatever they were selling when he was still a part of the Club.
That was a long time ago though. He was a much younger man, and his life was radically different now. He’d been outside of that world for almost two decades, and it was easy to forget how far a person could come in that much time. I doubted my father would sell drugs now if he ever had the chance to do it again, and that almost pissed me off even more.
He’d gotten out and made himself better. Maybe his life wasn’t as exciting or sexy as it used to be, but he had an honest job and he took care of me all on his own. It wasn’t easy for him, and he had some help from neighborhood people, but he was the one that got me up in the morning, he was the one that poured my cereal and made my dinner at night. He put on cartoons, he threw me a ball in the back yard, he bought me a bike and taught me to ride it.
It was always him. As I looked back on my life with my father, I realized how much he’d given up for me, and how much he’d done to make my life comfortable.
There was a knock at my door. I sat up and stared at it. I thought I might tell him to fuck off for just a second, but dismissed that as childish and stupid. It wasn’t Steven’s fault that my father used to be a gangster.
“Come in,” I said.
Steven pushed open the door and stepped inside. He looked at me, head titled to one side.
“You’re not happy,” he said.
“No, I’m not.”
“Why?” He stood in the doorway and watched me with a strange expression on his face.
“It’s not you,” I said, looking away. “I’m just thinking about my dad.”
“Ah,” he said. “He wasn’t in there, if you were wondering.”
I let out a breath. “That hadn’t even occurred to me.”
“He wasn’t,” he said again. “We checked every room.”
“What happened in there?” I asked.
“I fucked up.” He stepped further into the room and his eyes met mine again. “I left them an opening to fight back and they took it. I fucked up and I’ll have to make it up to my guys for that. I think I’ll give them all the loot we just took.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Really?” I asked.
“Really,” he said with a dismissive gesture. “It’s not a big deal. I don’t need the money, if I’m honest.”
“What do you need then?” I asked.
He frowned. “Power,” he said. “Territory. Strength. The more I expand, the more money I bring in, the more muscle I can build.”
“What’s going to be enough for you?”
He shook his head. “Nothing will ever be enough,” he said and smiled at me. “Except for you, my Colleen.”
I gave him a look. “Don’t do that.”
He tilted his head. “Dow hat?”
“Pretend like you want me,” I said. “For anything more than… than… just what you can get from me.”
He let out a soft laugh and shook his head. “You really don’t know me,” he said and reached into his pocket. He took out a phone and tossed it to me.
I caught it and stared. It was my phone, the one he kept in his medicine cabinet in the bathroom.
“Like I promised,” he said. “Your phone back.”
I held it in my hands then looked at him. “You’re sure?” I asked. “You’re not going to take it away again?”
“I don’t think I’ll have to,” he said. “Not if you’re really working on this with me. Doesn’t make much sense for you to fuck it up, but crazier things have happened.”
“I don’t plan on fucking anything up,” I said.
“Good.” He crossed his arms. “I want you to promise me something though.”
“What?” I asked.
“Promise you won’t let them trick you into thinking they’re on your side.”
I frowned and tilted my head. I was about to ask him what he meant, but then I shut my mouth and let out a breath. I knew what he meant, knew what he thought. I leaned forward, phone cradled in my hands.
“I’m not sure they can,” I said.
“They’ll try,” he said. “Now that you can be contacted, they’ll find you and they’ll talk to you. But don’t forget that they took your father, they hurt him, and they did that without knowing whether you were really on my side or not. They could’ve assumed you were abducted to use against them, but instead they assumed the worst, and your father paid that price.”
