When Jett paused again, Harrison moved closer to lean into Jett’s warmth and comfort him. The pain in his voice made it easy to hear how hard it was for Jett to talk about this. And after what Jett had just done, he decided it was worth the risk to his pride to be more vulnerable alongside him.
He had a brother of his own once, and he couldn’t have imagined being separated from Luca in that way. They’d been so close until they’d been torn apart. Maybe Jett’s pain was another version of his own: to still have a brother, but be separated by forces he couldn’t control.
“Go on,” Harrison whispered.
Jett nodded—more to himself than to Harrison—and kept going. “I blocked it out at first. My dad kept me out of it, and I focused on hockey. But Mom would send me tons of texts about how she and Chase missed me, and how I was missing out on their lives.
I missed her wedding. I was supposed to go, but the lawyer told Dad I shouldn’t, in case she tried to stop me from coming back. I missed the birth of my half-sister. I missed all of it.
But by then, I was angry at Chase because he’d left me here. Dad had to work a lot, and I always had hockey, but I still spent a lot of time alone. I was pissed when he missed March Break, and Easter—and then it was summer vacation, and he still wasn’t back.
I shouldn’t have been so damn stupid. I shouldn’t have cut him out like that. I didn’t see how badly he was hurting. How alone he was with his new family and school.”
Jett’s hand flew to his mouth, making Harrison jump. He could feel Jett’s body trembling beside him, each breath coming in short, panicked gasps.
Harrison didn’t need Jett to finish the story to guess what had happened. His heart broke into a million pieces for this man who was nothing but joy, sunshine, silliness, and strength—and he was using all of it to deflect from the pain he carried every day.
The darkness in Jett’s life that he had suspected was this, a mirrored image of his own. It was no wonder they were drawn to each other.
“Jett.”
“It’s all my fault.” Jett’s voice broke, and Harrison pulled him closer. He didn’t know what instinct inside told him to do so, but he knew he needed to hold this man together.
“No, it’s not,” Harrison told him firmly. Why was it so much easier to tell Jett that with his usual stubborn conviction, but not himself?
“I should have gone to visit him. I knew he wasn’t okay, but I was mad at him. I thought he’d tell us he wanted to come back.”
Warm droplets landed on Harrison’s arm, and he knew Jett was crying. He tried to hold him closer, but Jett shoved him away and sat up, his shoulders heaving.
“Why didn’t he just come home?”
“It wasn’t your fault,” said Harrison.
“I was one phone call away.”
“Your mother should have known better—”
“Why didn’t hecall?”
“Jett—”
Harrison reached out, and Jett smacked him away.
“I wasright here,” said Jett. “I was one fucking room away, Harrison.”
Harrison pushed himself into a sitting position, ignoring the protesting pain in his leg.
“You needed someone and I was right here,” Jett said again. “Why didn’t you say what was wrong? Why did you do that to yourself?”
Even if Jett wasn’t actually mad at him, it didn’t stop Harrison from feeling like crap. “Jett, we hardly know each other,” said Harrison quietly, and the tone in his voice immediately settled Jett into silence.
They sat on the bed, staring at one another in the darkness. The rain was finally stopping, but every droplet sounded like a gunshot in the quiet room.
Finally, Jett said, “Iwantto know you. What do I need to do for you to let me in?”
Harrison tried very hard not to scoff, not at Jett, but at himself. He had been asking that same question for five years. He didn’t know if he would ever find the answer.
“I wasright here,” said Jett. “If you need someone, I’m one room away.”
