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I said thank you.
Thank you for hurting, thank you for hitting, thank you for making me do what I’m told.
That’s when I got so confused that I started hurting myself when I wasn’t around them. It felt good, to make myself feel so pure.
Lucian seemed to see where my mind was going, even though he didn’t speak to me. He moved in close, looked down at my legs. I flinched when he touched me then ran his fingers over my cuts nice and slowly. A loud breath escaped me. I expected him to slide his fingers between my thighs and make me feel like the fellows did, but he didn’t. His hands stayed focused on my legs.
“How about that for my secrets?” I asked him. “I guess we’re about even now.”
“Bound in secrets much stronger than blood,” he said.
I was sure I saw pity in his eyes as he stared down at me, and I hated it. I hated pity from the monster.
“Go on and touch me then,” I whispered. “I guess it’s about time you made me suffer now.”
He pulled back from me with a puzzled look on his face.
“How the fuck does that work, Elaine? You think I’m going to hurt you for telling me that a group of sick fuckers hurt you first?”
I shrugged, because I didn’t know. I never knew how these things worked – punishment and rewards, pain and pleasure. I knew he wasn’t a nice guy in any sense of the word. I’d heard plenty of stories about just how fucked up he was and all the girls he’d been with. The ones he’d hurt.
That’s when I got the weirdest pang inside me. I didn’t want disgusting pity from a Morelli monster, I wanted some form of respect, even at the end of my life, even if he didn’t want to show it.
But that wasn’t it, was it?
Even now, kidnapped in this shithole of a place with the promise of my demise ahead of me, I still wanted the Morelli monster to want me.
“Touch me then,” I pushed. “Take it. Take what you want.”
That’s when he stepped away from me, taking his attention right back to his coffee machine.
His next words were enough to hurt me, in a way that was alien to any kind of physical pain.
He wasn’t looking at me, just stirring his mug.
“Right now, I want nothing at all.”22LucianI was getting used to bizarre feelings, but not wanting to touch a vulnerable Elaine Constantine was something I’d never have expected this lifetime. I didn’t want to touch her, and I definitely didn’t want to hurt her. It was something I was unaccustomed to, not wanting another person’s pain at my hands. Fucking hell, what the fuck was going on?
She looked bizarrely put out to match, shifting around on the spot like I’d just insulted her, even though it was the least insulting thing I’d ever done.
“Are you for real? You don’t want to touch me now?”
“No,” I said. “I don’t want to touch you now.”
She laughed a snotty laugh. “I didn’t put you down as that much of a saint, Lucian. People would laugh at you.”
That riled me. Even the thought of people laughing at me made me want to burn them alive.
“Nobody will be fucking laughing at me, and even if they wanted to, they’ll never hear a word of this to laugh at. Like I said, these secrets are bound deeper than blood.”
“I guess you’re still going to kill me then? I guess this means you’re done with the games and you’re going to finish me off without even fucking me first?”
“Just shut up with that shit,” I said. “Shut your snarky mouth for once in your fucking life.”
I cussed myself as I pulled another mug down and made her a fucking coffee. Her eyes were still burning as she took it from me with a thanks.
What the holy living fuck was I doing? I was growing tired of my own fucking insanity.
The fellowship of cunts should mean nothing to me, they were just a seedy group of rich pricks taking their thrill. Elaine Constantine would have been a particularly attractive prospect. Lionel had been risking his life beyond any kind of rationale to even entertain her involvement with Reverend Lynch and his seedy fucking hellhole. The vile cunt.
I hadn’t come across that sick fucker, but I was already suspecting just who in our extended circle was at play in his game. I knew some of the aristocrats and their secret handshakes. Their names were on the tip of my tongue, all set to ask her, but she let out a sigh before I spoke.
“You know this is one of the reasons you managed to snare me with threats about Tristan?” she asked.
“How so?”
“I ran away from home once, when I didn’t think I could handle it anymore. I ended up running like a freak down to the Evanvale trailer park. He was running away himself. I met him on the track outside.”
