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Sunday was slow and beautiful, every minute sinking in, glorious.
I didn’t want it to end.
Mum’s energy was gone completely long before the afternoon was done, but she was determined to stay outside with us, drifting in and out of sleep on her lounger. Chloe and I moved closer, lying together on the grass as we read, her foot brushing over and over against mine.
Once again, I could have stayed alongside her for a lifetime, but lifetimes are fleeting things.
Her hair was a ripple on the grass, and her smile was timeless and she was everything in the world I could ever have wanted. Yet, that responsibility goes both ways. You have to give in this world as much as you receive, and I would have loved to have been that man for her. I would have loved to have soared her spirit with my own.
We helped Mum into bed once dinner was finished, then headed back down to the living room to carry on reading. Our quiet was a stunning time of connection, both of us soaking in words and enjoying the companionship that a shared hobby brings.
I fucked her that night. Slowly. Quietly.
I held her in bed. Firmly. Safely.
“I’m going to say it again,” she told me, before falling asleep. “Be pessimistic all you like, but I’m going to say it all the same.” I could feel her staring up at me, even in the darkness. “I love you, Logan. Call it a moment, or call it a lifetime, I don’t care. I just want to tell you I love you. Even more so now I know the freaky shit about you having the same favourite niche little novel as I do.”
I smirked to myself, because I felt exactly the same way as she did – loving her even more after the Moon Magic revelation – and if I’d have believed in destiny, even for a fleeting moment, I’d have believed that she was mine. That some kind of universal energy had put us together, our polarities making us whole.
But I didn’t believe in destiny.
Especially not with having my dying mother in the room next door to me, getting ready to say her goodbyes.
And most certainly not with preparing to say goodbyes of my own.
Still, I said it.
I told the truth.
I looked at that girl at my side, knowing exactly the smile she was pulling, and I gave her the tiny little utterance from my heart.
“I love you too.”37ChloeWe sat on the train together, but there were no novels this time, not even the pretence of getting caught up in the words. There was only us, smiling and talking. Small talk. Big talk. It didn’t make any difference, just talking to him made me tingle inside.
We walked into work, hand in hand, and this time I didn’t let him go, still squeezing tight as we headed through the double doors on Franklin Ward. Everyone smiled to see us like that, Nadia seeing us first and nudging Richard alongside her. It felt right. It felt safe. It felt real.
I was all in with this new world I was living in. My old life with Liam was nothing more than a shadow of a memory next to my life with Logan.
Liam was still pinging, screaming about my stuff at his, and I knew it needed doing. I told him I’d be over soon. Still, my mind couldn’t be on it. It was on the people on the ward, helping their journeys as best I could. It was on snippets of time with the man I loved, sharing smiles every time we crossed paths. It was on my friends on the ward – because that’s what they were now. Friends. Even Vickie on Kingsley Ward was still messaging me to keep in contact and meet up when we could.
I was always a happy person and had been forever. I’d always seen the joy in every little snapshot of life. Every smile. Every laugh. Every time you share one of those meaningful little snippets of time with someone, and know you’ll remember it forever. But this was different. Colours were deeper and those rivers of happiness were flowing faster, and every breath felt like magic.
I watched Logan on his consultations and admired the pit of his brows and the sincerity in his eyes. I saw how genuine he was when he placed his hand on other people’s and listened to their words. He was an inspiration. A man I respected with my whole heart.
I wasn’t expecting it when he came along with his briefcase as my shift reached an end. I was still staring in shock as we walked back to the train station and he took my hand to board the Redwood train – but not staring in shock as wildly as Jackie did when we walked into her bedroom together that evening.
