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“No,” I said. “I’m not losing my mind over him.”
“Why, then?” she pushed. “Why the fuck did you spend another night with him? Tell me!”
I blustered through my reasoning, but couldn’t find any answer other than the truth of it.
“Incredible sex.”
She shook her head in disbelief. “Incredible sex from an incredible piece of shit.”
I shrugged. “An incredible piece of shit I won’t be seeing again.”
She didn’t look convinced, just kept on pacing and shaking her head at my stupidity.
“Honestly, Anna, you can’t do that again. He’s no good for you. Being anywhere near him is no good for you. He’ll fuck you up again.”
I nodded along with her wise words. “I’m not planning on being anywhere near him again, don’t worry.”
“I mean it,” she said. “He’ll leave you an even bigger state than he did last time, and this time he’ll cost you a whole load more. People will never live with you doing that to yourself. We couldn’t.”
“It’s nobody else’s business who I fuck on a weekend,” I snapped, but she glared right back.
“It’s everybody else’s business when you cast off Sebastian to chase after the absolute loser who fucked you over. That’s friendship, Anna.”
She had a point.
“You’re not bullshitting me, are you?” she asked. “That really was a one off? You’re not seeing him again?”
I swallowed down everything but my resolve.
I dug into my pain, and humiliation, and the burning bloom of shame.
I dug into the disrespect I’d shown myself for firing off that message to him in the first place.
I dug into the hurt, and those scrawled drawings lining his landing. I dug into the way I’d spent too many nights pining his loss.
And then I believed it.
I believed it when I said it, eyes burning hard with the honesty.
“I’m not seeing him again,” I told her. “It was a one off. Just please don’t tell anyone I was with him.”
She squeezed my arm as she passed me, and this time her expression had a whole other flavour to it. “It’s a bit late for that,” she said.Chapter TwelveLucasThere was a strange thrill to my Monday morning. A simmer running through the office I hadn’t felt in years. I could feel it in the air, see it in people’s faces, sense it all around me as people went about their day.
The morning was almost done by the time I realised the simmer wasn’t running through the office. It was running through me.
Hell, what a difference it made.
People were seeking me out, talking strategy with a zing to their tone, and I was a grinning optimist as I joined in the discussions. There was something burning down deep. Something I’d have taken for granted when I first took up the directorship position in the cryptography sector of GCHQ several years ago.
Excitement.
Passion.
Life.
Since Maya left and took Millie with her, leaving me at a loss as to what to do with the pitiful scrap of my former self wallowing in her wake, I’d thrown myself into my work. My position was intense, needing just enough mental discipline to scrape me through the carnage without submitting to the drink entirely. A tightrope I’d walked with a few wobbles on the way, but walked nonetheless. Still, I hadn’t been enjoying it.
I’d forgotten just how good enjoying this place felt.
I’d forgotten just how good enjoying Anna felt too.
With her dirty panties in my pocket and my eyes intent on Keith Clarke as he gave his monthly roundup, I was far more in my groove than I’d been in months. My mind was full of strategy ideas I’d been searching around the dregs of my brain for that entire quarter.
So, I did them justice. I took the full reins of my directorship and I presented them. I thanked Keith for his input, but I was right up and on point, laying out the team plan for the next round of our security development project.
It worked.
Keith was full of nods and affirmatives, and so was Ralph Jacobs beside him. Amy, Beth and Dan were scribbling notes, and even Moose – our introverted genius who barely contributed to anything – was rocking along with the positives.
“Anything to add?” I asked at the end of the session.
“Yeah,” Ralph said. “What the fuck happened to you this weekend, Pierce? You’re bouncing off the walls this morning.”
I smirked and winked, and grabbed my coffee mug along with my paperwork.
“My trade secret,” I said. “Entirely confidential.”
“Keep doing bloody more of it,” Keith added. “And dish some out to the rest of us while you’re at it.”
I laughed out loud as I made my exit from the meeting room. I wouldn’t be dishing any of Anna’s pussy out to anyone this lifetime.
I was back at my desk in the quiet of my office when I dared to tug her panties out into my lap. I debated firing her off a picture of that filthy lace stretched tight around my dick, but I decided that Monday morning would maybe be pushing the communication channels, even by my crappy standards.
