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She sucked in a breath of her own. “What the fuck?!”
I could only meet her with fresh sobs, and I could hear her walking on the other end of the line, hear her grabbing her keys.
“I’m on my way,” she said. “I promise, I’ll be there soon!”
I hung up the call and rested my head back against the wall and begged the universe that she would be with me soon. I begged the universe that this was some sick joke and I was asleep on the fucking train caught up in a nightmare.
But it wasn’t a nightmare. It was real.
The man I loved with all my heart and soul had laughed in my face that he was in love with Maya Brooks, and left me alone in the carnage, and I’d never hear from him again.
And that’s when it happened.
That’s when my mind gave up along with my heart as I failed to ride the pain.
That’s when I had my first seizure.Chapter NineteenAnnaBack in the present.I couldn’t believe how much I’d truly blanked out the pain those past few weeks. I’d blanked it out and held it back like some kind of amnesiac on some stupid perpetual fairground ride.
I was sobbing all over again as it rose up from the ugly depths of my soul and I remembered just how much the man before me had hurt me all those years ago.
It was supposed to be one stupid filthy fuck. Nothing more than a decent orgasm that I was a total fucking joke for even considering.
I’d been a disgusting asshole to myself for even having his number on my phone, let alone texting the vile prick.
But here I was, crying for Lucas Pierce, in love with him all over again.
I don’t think I’d ever stopped being in love with him. Not even for Sebastian who’d picked me up from the floor and given me a whole new world.
I hated myself and I hated the prick in front of me all over again. I remembered his cold expression as he’d laughed at me, his smirk as that door closed behind him, and with that I tried to step away, but I couldn’t. He held me there, his arms wrapped tight around my thighs.
“Please, Anna,” he said, and his voice was choked. “Please just hear me out.”
“Hear what?” I hissed. “The way you fucking destroyed me? The way you laughed at me? The way you didn’t even say fucking sorry?!”
“I couldn’t,” he said. “I couldn’t say sorry because I’d never have been able to leave you if I had. I’d never have been able to stay away from you if you’d have even tried to fucking forgive me.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?!” I screeched. “What the fuck do you mean you’d never have been able to leave me?! You were in love with Maya fucking Brooks! You fucked me over for Maya fucking Brooks!”
He was shaking his head and he was crying too.
I’d never seen him like that.
I’d never seen him cry, and never seen him hurting just as bad as he was hurting right then along with me.
I gave up. I fell to the floor and pulled my legs up and I rocked back and forth as I tried to catch my breath. He collapsed too and sat so close, pressing his forehead to mine, even though I wailed for him to go.
“I’ll never be leaving you again,” he whispered through the tears. “I swear to God, Anna, I’ll never be leaving you again.”
“Why?!” I cried, and it came out so weak and so hurt. “Why did you leave me the first time if it was so fucking hard?! Why were you seeing her for so fucking long behind my back without giving the slightest shit about how much it would fucking destroy me?!”
“I wasn’t,” he said. “It was one stupid mistake, Anna. One stupid, drunken, cuntish fucking mistake on one cuntish night you were gone.”
My mouth dropped open, and I couldn’t believe it. It didn’t make sense.
“What the hell are you talking about?!” I snapped. “You were in love with her!”
“I never fucking loved her,” he told me, and he was looking straight in my eyes so raw and so real, I believed him. I believed him and I felt it in my stomach. “I loved you. I always loved you. It was just one fucking mistake after two many fucking drinks, and I paid for it. Jesus Christ, I paid for it. It’s been an acorn rolling down fucking Everest every fucking step of the way, gathering up so much fucking snow that it’s a fucking avalanche that’s fucked up my whole fucking world.”
Yet again, I didn’t get it.
I couldn’t get it.
“Then why?” I asked him. “Why didn’t you tell me so?! Why weren’t you honest with me?” I paused and held back another sob. “I mean, I would have hated it, and it would have hurt real fucking bad, but if it was one mistake, Lucas… if it was just one mistake, then maybe we could have worked through it… maybe I could have forgiven you…”
