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But by the end of the next weekend I do.Twenty-FourWe shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
T. S. EliotPhoenixStaying away from my black swan is harder than I ever anticipated. Ignoring her voicemail has been a far greater challenge than I ever expected to encounter as the result of a crazy online hook-up.
But it’ll be worth it.
Using that front door key for the first time and have her genuinely not expecting it, will be worth it.
Worth the cravings for her sweet tight snatch that present themselves all day long.
Worth the pang in my gut that says I could be ruining something so much deeper than the fantasy we set out on in the first place.
But it can’t be anything deeper.
As much as I may want to, I’m not about to drown the girl in my shit ton of baggage when she’s only just getting clear of her own.
My scars itch for a reason.
Because they’re raw.
Deep.
Ugly.
I’ve got a brother who wants my blood, and a boy who may not be my blood, who can speak but doesn’t, and shows no sign of doing so for the foreseeable, and a sister trapped in the middle of it all.
All that and a business that may not survive the insurance verdict when it finally comes in.
No.
Abigail needs a monster in the darkness. A thrill to spike her adrenaline when real life proves too monotonous.
I’ll give her both of those things and spare her the rest.
I’m beyond excited when the time comes. I’ve been aching for this for weeks.
A Monday night seems perfect timing. I’m barely able to function at the office as the time draws near.
The anticipation was supposed to be all for her benefit, but as my dick throbs with desperation enough to fucking pain through the afternoon, I realise it’s been as much for mine.
Serena can’t hold back a smile when I pick up my keys after Cameron’s bedtime routine.
“Mud wrestling?” she quizzes. “I thought it must be about time.”
“I’ve been busy,” I lie.
“I hope you can make it up to her,” she says with a quirked eyebrow.
“Make what up to her?”
She shakes her head like I’m a dumbfuck. “If she’s happy to coast along for a couple of weeks without seeing even a piece of you, then she’s a considerably more patient woman than I’d be.”
It’s my turn to quirk my brow. “We’re not engaged, Serena.”
She laughs. “Oh, Leo. You underestimate the savage seas of female emotion, I fear. Buy her flowers if you have any sense.”
It makes me smirk as I leave. Flowers will be the very last thing on Abigail’s mind this evening.
The drive over there is tense. The beast in my belly spreading its wings where there’s no space for them.
I’ll be all but breaking and entering. That itself is enough to spike my adrenaline. I feel strangely criminal, as though I’m being watched in the darkness. Followed as though I’m up to no good. Pairs of eyes feasting on my ill-intent and set to call the police out.
I could really do without that kind of attention.
I park up in the loading bay across from her place and watch the lights through the window. Two shadows move in the living room.
There’s a sickening flash of jealousy until I realise the other shadow belongs to the blonde girl next door.
I guess they’re watching something – I see the lights from the TV moving on her ceiling.
It feels like a lifetime before two shadows turn to one and those lights finally go out. I wait until long after midnight before I lock up the truck and head on over.
I’ve already considered the communal door lock. We had one similar on our old storeroom. These things aren’t robust, just token gestures added to older buildings to deter opportunists.
I’m not an opportunist. My intentions are sinister and unbridled. It’s easy enough to yank that thing loose from its catch with enough force behind it.
My footsteps are quick and light, the key to her apartment in my hand before I’ve even reached her landing. I slip by her neighbour’s door and across, holding my breath as I ease that key home and turn it to the right.
The door swooshes as it opens, but doesn’t creak. The catch makes the lightest click as I close it after me.
And then I’m in.
My heart pounds along with my fucking cock.
I feel like a fucking monster for real as I cross her darkened hallway and press my ear to her bedroom door. I hear nothing.
Perfect.
I’m careful as I retreat to the kitchen and take a glass from the drainer. I press myself into the corner next to her storage cupboard and count down from ten.
And then I slam dunk that pint glass straight into the sink.
