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“Me, you mean?” Leo says.
Jake nods. “I hated you for what you had. I hated you because you wouldn’t let it go, even though you didn’t want it. I thought you were the only thing standing in our way.”
Leo shakes his head. Looks at the sky through the jagged roof. “She really was a special kind of crazy,” he says.
“I was so fucking mad when I found out. So fucking mad that I was just a stupid part of her stupid fucking game. She had no fucking intention of burning this place down, not really. She just wanted to stack it all up for effect and make sure you’d be along to discover her at the last minute.” He stops speaking to collect his voice. “You always ran after her.”
“Not that day,” Leo says.
“Not that day,” Jake agrees. “So, that’s the first fucking thing that killed her. You didn’t come running.”
“I’ll take that,” Leo says. “I should’ve stopped her. She was crying out for attention and I let her starve.”
I love the way he can take responsibility for this shit so calmly, soaked to the skin in diesel in a room full of the stuff, with some crazy psychopath holding the reins.
He’s got a shit-ton more composure than I’d have in his position.
“She was a fucking idiot,” Jake says. “Playing with fucking fire so literally. She knew the stuff was unsteady. She knew there was too much of it up here.”
“I guess the need for drama outweighed the risks,” Leo says. “In her head.”
“I dunno what the fuck was going on in her head, Leo, but as soon as she told me she didn’t want me with her and never really had done, I lost my shit.”
My breath catches. What the fuck did he do?
“It was a stupid fucking place to light up a cigarette, but you know me. I’ve smoked around a shit ton of explosive vats before when I’m out on the job. I shouldn’t but I do. Did.”
And I know the rest. Leo does too.
Jake doesn’t need to say it, but he does.
“She must have disturbed some of the safety clamps in the trolley. That shit must’ve been leaking the whole time we were talking.”
Leo nods. “You threw the butt.”
Jake. “One split second of madness, because I was fucking angry. She was still in here, dicking about with shit she shouldn’t be. I was already storming away, heading out toward the loading bay. It was quick. The explosion sent me fucking flying. I thought I was fucking gonna die myself when I hit the ground.”
I know the rest and so does Leo. I’ve heard the rest.
I feel privy to secrets that don’t belong to me. I shouldn’t be listening but can’t look away.
Can’t leave him.
Jake’s face crumples. “It was me. I’m the one who killed her.” He blows this horrendous bubble of snot and pain from his nose, a wreck of misery as Leo looks down. “And now I have to go with her.”
“Or you fucking don’t,” Leo says. “You threw a fucking cigarette like a dumb fucking asshole. She piled a whole fucking arsenal of flammables in this space to cause a scene.” He pauses. “And me? I was a shit partner to Mariana. We didn’t match. Didn’t even come close. She was always pulling away as I was trying to rein her in. We were doomed from the minute Cam was born. I’m the one who didn’t run after her. She was crying her fucking eyes out that night, hissing her usual stream of shit and accusations. I didn’t care. I hoped she’d fucking go.”
Oh what a sorry fucking mess this is.
A whole circle of hurt.
I dare to hope Leo’s done now. That Jake will still let him leave.
“Go,” Jake says and answers my question. “Take the girl and go.”
But he doesn’t.
Leo doesn’t move an inch.
I cry out as he drops himself to the floor. Scream his name as he tips his head back and looks at the sky.
He’s sitting in a cocktail of disaster while his brother pulls a cigarette lighter from his pocket.
“Go,” Jake says again. “This ends here, Leo. I can’t stand the pain anymore.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Leo says and I could kill him myself.
“You gotta fuck off outta here!” Jake shouts, but Leo’s still shaking his head.
I’d go in and drag him out myself if I’d be able to move him. My hands are in my hair as I curse this whole sorry situation.
“Remember when we were little kids, and Serena got picked on by those guys down on Harrow Road? Remember that?”
Jake’s smile lights up. “I remember, yeah. We kicked the living shit outta them, you and me.”
“You and me,” Leo repeats. “Because we’re brothers. That’s what you said. We’re fucking brothers, Leo. We take care of our own, no matter what. No matter how fucking hard it gets.”
