Was he capable of settling down? She wondered about the relationship he’d had with Megan. They were planning to get married and have a family. He’d said she wanted a big family and that he did too. Then the unthinkable—a horrible accident. And she was gone, leaving him to deal with that tragic void. Both Bart and Kitty had used the word “snapped.” Something snapped when Megan died. Bart was one person before and another person after. How did that bear on his relationship with Molly? Had his ability to commit to someone snapped too?
Megan was likely too good to be true. She was the oasis, the safe landing, after his nightmare in Afghanistan, then she became the next nightmare, the nightmare that pushed him over the edge. Was he still over the edge? Had the passage of time and the wilderness escape helped him deal with that? Or were they pushing him further away from civilization? Could he commit to another relationship? Was he testing the water with Molly? He was happy to be with her for a few days. He didn’t seem ready for more than that.
The PTSD had been less apparent during his family’s visit. He seemed quite normal. She was aware watching Kitty’s barrel race that he was constantly looking around the crowded stands. She was also conscious that Brett stayed close to him, especially in public places. The twin brothers worked the pig roast together. They went to the parade and sat together in Mack’s VIP section. They went back to the cabin after the parade to check on the pig together, then returned and sat together at the rodeo. She now realized that Brett had been watching over his brother. Brett, more than anyone, would understand what Bart had been through. She guessed having Brett close was like a security blanket. The two of them could handle anything that might come up. Bart wasn’t alone when he was with his Army Ranger brother. They sat together around the fire, Brett close by. Maybe that was one of the reasons she wasn’t as conscious of the PTSD. Brett had a comforting effect on Bart.
How much of a factor was the PTSD in Bart’s decision to be off the grid? How much was his writing a factor? Was the absence of distractions critical to his writing? Could he write while dealing with civilization? Or did he need to be alone for that? He didn’t write when he was at the cabin. He checked on the business of writing, but she never saw him settle in for several hours of writing. Was his writing a factor in not wanting to spend more time with her?
Thinking about his gift of Ginger had originally given her some peace of mind. Certainly, that was a significant indication of his feelings for her. No man would ever pay that kind of money to gift a girlfriend unless he was pretty serious. But the more she processed that, the less significant it became. The family ranch was likely worth millions. Bart would be entitled to a quarter interest in that. But he was willing to gift his share to Kitty if she wanted it. Just like that? Give a million dollars to his sister?
He lived on $300 a month and was proud of it. He banked his disability check. He didn’t need or want that money. He never cashed a check or spent a penny. He had money, but it didn’t mean anything to him. The fact that he would dip into his savings to buy Ginger was probably not an indication of how he felt about her. The more likely scenario was that he just didn’t care about money. Ginger was a generous gift that he felt like giving. He wanted to do something nice for Molly. But the expense of the gift didn’t mean anything because he didn’t care about money. She decided it was a beautiful and thoughtful gift, but not an indication of his long-term commitment to her.
Molly thought about Bart daily and looked forward to his next visit. But thinking about him didn’t offer any answers. Only Bart had those answers, and he was playing his hand very closely. He was very introverted. He didn’t volunteer anything. Any information she had, she’d pulled out of him. That was his nature, and she wasn’t going to change that.
All she really knew now was that he enjoyed visiting her once a month. Anything beyond that was a mystery known only to Bart.
His next visit in early September was very similar to prior visits. She was nervous and anxious. Her concerns melted when he took her in his arms. The lovemaking was warm, tender, and beautiful, like it had always been. It was like he hadn’t been away.
She’d decided not to raise the long-term issues, hoping he might say something. She’d hoped the pups would be sold, opening the possibility of visiting his cabin in September, but she still had four pups when he arrived. She didn’t want toseparate Shadow from the pups, and she wouldn’t go to Dark Hollow without Shadow.
They confirmed plans for her to return with him after his early October visit. When she’d asked how long he wanted her to stay, he replied simply as long as she wished. Molly hadn’t known what to do with that. Would she stay a week or two, then return alone? She couldn’t stay a month. She had a business to run, and even though October marked the end of the summer season, winter was the most exciting expansion opportunity. She had a lot to do in October and November.
So she assumed she’d be staying a week, two at the longest, then would return on her own. Something about returning alone didn’t sit very well. But she wanted to see his place. No, she needed to see his place. She needed to understand that part of him. She needed to see him in his element. And she wanted to have time with him alone, more than two or three days.
She decided that the Dark Hollow visit would be the turning point in the relationship. He made fewer visits out in the winter. So they were headed for a time when they’d be apart even more than the last six months. She was resolved to push the envelope. If he was determined to remain in the wild, then that signaled one kind of relationship. She needed to know the answer to that. She’d decide later what her response would be.
But, first, she needed to know his intentions.
Chapter 24
Molly woke confused, in a daze. The morning light was streaming through her bedroom window. A dog was barking outside, and Shadow and the pups were barking inside. Her clock said 5:35. Her alarm was set for 6:00.
It was the third week in September. Bart was expected in ten days, and she’d be returning with him to his cabin in early October.
But something weird was going on. She had four dogs in a panic. She opened her eyes, shook her head, sat up, and stumbled out of bed. Not knowing who was on her porch, she pulled on a bathrobe and headed toward the door where Shadow was barking out of control, two pups at her feet imitating their mother, and one more dog outside on the porch. She looked out the window and saw Bear barking loudly. Huh? Bear? Was she dreaming? She took a deep breath and pinched herself. She was definitely awake.
She opened the door, and Shadow and the pups rushed to greet Bear. She ordered Bear and Shadow to both sit, and they sat next to each other barking their heads off. Bear needed to be calmed down. Molly knelt and started talking to him, using her calmest voice.
“Hey, Bear. Everything is going to be okay. Did you and Bart come out earlier than expected? Is Bart over at the campground? Are you anxious to see Shadow? She’s right here, boy.”
Molly patiently scratched Bear’s head and shoulders and calmly stroked his back. He was wet and dirty. The dampness had to be sweat because it hadn’t rained for weeks. “Hey, boy, what’s up? Shadow is right here. Everything is going to be just fine.” On cue, Shadow moved closer to her partner and started grooming around his ears and neck.
Trying to process what was going on, Molly assumed that Bart and Bear had come out early and, rather than interrupt Molly at night, Bart had pitched a tent at the campground, and now Bear was anxious to see Shadow. But Bear was seeing Shadow. Shadow was actively grooming him. And Bear was not calming down. Molly continued to work with him as he continued barking.
“Everything’s okay, boy. Why don’t the three of us head down to the campground and see Bart? Maybe that will make you feel better.”
Molly opened the door and invited Bear into the house. She watched as he went directly to the pantry for Shadow’s food and water bowls. He was hungry and thirsty. She filled the bowl with water and watched the thirsty dog lap madly at the bowl. She then filled Shadow’s food bowl with her favorite meal, and Bear immediately switched to the food, devouring it in less than a minute. Molly added another half bowl and watched him eat it quickly, too. Molly knew eating too much too fast was not healthy, so she didn’t add more.
Molly settled on a kitchen chair, her mind whirring, her stomach upside down. Something was wrong. Very wrong. Bart would never let Bear get this dehydrated and hungry. Bear was soaked with sweat and caked with dirt. It came to Molly very clearly that Bart was not here. Bear was here on his own.Molly felt the panic releasing bile into her stomach. Bart was in trouble. Bear was calling for help.
She retrieved Shadow’s brush and summoned Bear to sit at her feet. She started brushing him down as a calming effort. He looked up at her and barked quickly three times. Molly scratched his head, neck and shoulders, brushed his coat, and spoke reassuringly.
“Hey, Bear, what’s going on? Where’s Bart?”
Bear barked quickly three times.
“Hey boy, what are you trying to tell me?”
Bear barked quickly three more times.
