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‘I am warm enough.’ She put a staying hand on his arm. She hadn’t meant to do it and her feelings betrayed her when she was too slow pulling away.
‘You too?’
‘Me too?’ Liv queried, trying to remain immune to the warmth in Cade’s eyes.
‘We feel the same way about each other, don’t we? So why are we pretending?’
She inhaled sharply as he drew her close. ‘Because we must,’ she said, freeing herself. ‘Because we both know this isn’t going anywhere, Cade.’
He kept fighting his feelings, knowing he could never make her happy, but he didn’t want to lose her—nothing on earth was worth that. But could he hold back the demons waiting in the shadows if he allowed emotion into his life.’
She pulled away when he went to kiss her, but he brought her back. ‘Don’t do that,’ he warned softly against her cheek, ‘or it could become a habit you can’t break…’
She turned her face up to see Cade smiling down at her. There was everything she longed for in his eyes: warmth, humour, tenderness, but after all that had happened between them she wasn’t going to kid herself that those emotions were there for any other reason than her efforts on his behalf tonight.
‘No,’ he murmured, when she tried to pull away again. ‘I won’t let you go—’
‘Cade—’
He cut off her argument as only Cade could, with a savage kiss of such intensity she could so easily forget it was all a lie. She wanted to forget…
When he released her she wanted to pummel his chest and yell at him, Why are you doing this? But she would do nothing to spoil his evening, or draw attention. And now his face had assumed that dark, mask-like quality she knew only too well. It told her Cade had withdrawn within himself and had shut off. The moment he felt a connection, some emotion, he fought it off, as if there was something lurking in the dark corners of his mind that frightened him. ‘I’d better go back inside,’ she said brightly, not wanting anything to threaten the success of his evening. ‘I can’t leave the ball for too long.’
As she walked back inside she steeled herself to forget what had just happened. She wanted so much more than a kiss from Cade, but he didn’t have anything else to offer. She would never be part of Cade’s inner world because that was a world without emotion. She must put space between them now, because she didn’t trust herself to resist; when the other half of her soul was calling to her she could only remain deaf for so long.
But where would she go? Liv wondered, biting her lip as she pressed back against the glass doors while dancers whirled in front of her. Just as she’d said to Cade outside, she couldn’t simply walk out. She had to see this evening through. She had to find the adjutant and pick up the folder she’d left with him earlier in the day. She had to go round the tables gathering up the signed petition forms…
At least with Cade out of sight she could escape his magnetic pull on her.
But not for long, Liv discovered. She had just collected up the last of the signed petition forms when she spotted him. Her impulse was to run and tell him excitedly that not one person had let them down; everyone had signed. He was going to get his rehabilitation centres, of which Featherstone Hall would be the first. But how could she do that if she valued her sanity? It wouldn’t be long before he spotted her. He was staring round the ballroom with an expression on his stern face that suggested no one walked out on Cade Grant. He had never looked more the warrior, or more the unforgiving male. Or more desirable?
Stop right there, Liv’s inner voice warned. Wasn’t she done with fantasy? She was more cosy suburban wife material than she had previously imagined, and it was time for her to get used to the idea that warriors like Cade weren’t for her—
‘Given you the brush-off, has he?’
‘What?’ Liv gazed uncomprehending at the handsome young officer standing in front of her, and then realised that he must have seen her gazing longingly after Cade.
‘You’ll never tame him. Cade Grant comes from a different breed to people like me and you.’
Liv frowned. ‘A different breed?’ What a dreadful expression. She guessed the shock must have shown on her face. ‘If you’ll excuse me—’
‘You’ll regret it,’ the officer called after her. ‘You’ll never really know him. None of us does.’
Maybe not, Liv thought, making her way through the crowd, but she wasn’t in the market for an alternative.
Liv managed to hold her feelings in until she reached the kitchen and closed the heavy wooden door behind her. Whether she liked it or not, the young officer was right: Cade would never love her. Cade wasn’t capable of love. He fought off emotion as if it were another enemy on the battlefield. Whatever she tried she would never get through to him. And she had been naïve enough to think making love with Cade would bring them closer. She had hoped it would—
As tears welled inside her Liv gave way to frustration. What use was it, falling in love with a man who wasn’t capable of emotion? Tugging off the beautiful gown Cade had bought her, she let it fall to the floor, and with frustration bursting inside her she kicked it aside. Shedding her shoes, she slammed her bag on the floor, howling at the moon—or the electric light, at least—until she suddenly thought: the roses—
My roses…
Crouching on the floor, she examined them to find that by some miracle they had survived. Her tears dripped on the petals as she carefully unpinned them. Carrying them tenderly to the sink, she ran some cold water into the washing-up bowl and left them floating. She was still standing in knickers and bra when she heard footsteps approaching.
Recognising Cade’s determined footfall, she fled for the back stairs. Racing up them, she slammed the door on her attic bedroom and shot the bolt.
‘Liv, are you all right?’
Cade was calling up the stairs.
‘Liv, answer me…’
She tensed as he started mounting them. When he reached the small landing outside her door there was a silence like the stillness before a storm. He must have seen the heap of discarded clothes—the shoes, her bag, the roses…
‘Liv?’ He thundered with his fist on the door. ‘Liv, are you all right in there? Are you ill?’
Did heartsick count?
‘Liv…Open the door and speak to me—’
‘No.’
‘Why not? Has someone said something to you? Has someone upset you?’
The face of the young officer sprang into her mind, but she could hardly repeat what he’d said to her when she had no call on Cade.
‘Liv, please open this door so that we can talk face to face.’
And weaken? For both their sakes, wasn’t it better to make a clean break?
As Cade tried the handle Liv pressed back against the wall. ‘Go away…’
‘Liv—’ his voice had gained an edge ‘—are you going to tell me what this is about, or must I break the door down?’
She was still thinking about it when Cade crashed his way into the room.
‘Cade, you—’
‘Uncivilised brute? If you wanted civilised you should have stayed in Acacia Drive, Liv. Why did you run away from me like that?’
‘Because—’ How could she tell him the truth? That she loved him, and always would, and that the young officer had only confirmed her fears that Cade didn’t want or need roots, or the type of family life she had always dreamed of. And if Cade dared to offer her the job as his housekeeper she refused to see herself thirty years from now still quietly managing his home life…Or, worse, if he did marry—making sure things ran smoothly at Featherstone while some other woman brought up his children—
‘Your imagination running riot again, is it?’
‘No…’ She reddened guiltily.
‘You still don’t have much confidence when it comes to you, do you, Liv?’ His shoulders relaxed. ‘I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. You’ve been brought up to look the part, but inside here…’ reaching out, he touched her chest above her heart
with the fingertips of one hand ‘…you’re all mixed up…’
‘No, I’m not.’
‘A breath of wind would blow your confidence into next week.’
She wasn’t ready to hear the truth. Not when Cade’s voice was so gentle and full of understanding. She didn’t trust herself to stay with him a moment longer. She didn’t want Cade’s pity; she wanted his love.
‘Don’t run away from me again,’ he warned when she tried to push past him.
She hesitated only a moment before seeking refuge in the bathroom, where she shut and locked the door.
‘Do I have to destroy every door in this house before we get round to talking?’
There was no time to answer him before a second door was hanging from its hinges.
She lost it then. ‘Have you forgotten how to open doors? Oh, no, I forgot—they don’t have doors on caves!’
Her comment cracked him up. ‘No more doors, Liv,’ he warned, trying very hard not to let humour into his gaze. She was too hurt for that. ‘Please,’ he said, catching hold of her arm as she made for the landing, ‘I’ve got enough restoration work on my hands, as it is.’
‘Let me go, Cade. This isn’t fair.’
‘What’s not fair? You aren’t making sense, Liv. Liv?’ Holding her firmly, he brought her round to face him. ‘Are you going to tell me what this is about?’ He couldn’t bear to see her eyes so wounded and full of tears.
‘I love you…’
She spoke so angrily it took him a moment to take it in. ‘Is that so terrible?’
‘Of course it is,’ she said, as if he didn’t have a clue.
‘Explain.’ He held her firmly when she tried to pull away.
‘I want a quiet life, Cade.’
‘A quiet life?’ Somehow he didn’t see Liv living in the shadows, keeping to herself.
