“He stole my credit cards and all of my money. He used to say he was going to work, but instead, he’d go get high, then fall asleep in his car. When I didn’t hear from him after work, I’d have to go looking for him, typically in abandoned parking structures. He’d be passed out behind the wheel for who knows how long.” She wipes a tear from her eye.
I want to hold her, but I continue to respect her space, maintaining the painful distance between us. “I watched him almost overdose three different times. I spent countless nights sitting next to his hospital bed hoping that he’d stop this time. But he didn’t. I felt trapped like I couldn’t leave. What type of person would I be if I left him like that? When he needed help and support when he was sick. What type of girlfriend would I have been?”
I shove my hands inside my pockets. I had no idea any of this happened. I can’t believe Harry never mentioned it once. I knew she and her ex broke up because of his drug use, but I had no idea what she’d gone through.
Her strained voice continues, and all I can do is stand here and listen. “I found needles and spoons everywhere. Under couch cushions, in pockets of winter jackets at the back of his closet. Needles were found hiding inside rolled decorative towels, in the inside panel of the bathroom cabinet door. They were everywhere.” Bailey walks over to the counter to grab a tissue before continuing. “It’s embarrassing that I could have ever cared for someone like that. Every day I look at Luca and feel like I cheated him. Like I cheated him out of the father he could have had. And now he’s never going to have one. I live with that guilt each and every day.”
I watch as she retreats into herself, and it hurts me to see her gutted like this. If she only knew how the world saw her. The strength that she finds within herself to put Luca’s needs above her own is incredible.
I give in, gripping her shoulders and pulling her into a tight hug, trying to take away all her sadness. “I’m sorry for bringing him up, B. I really didn’t mean to upset you,” I say into the top of her head.
Bailey buries her face into the soft fabric of my shirt. I feel the weight of her body relax as she wraps her arms around my stomach. “I would like to know why you asked me if I still loved him?” she asks me; this time her voice is muffled.
I already know what she’s looking for. She wants an explanation, some truth—or maybe she feels something happening between us outside of just sex and wants me to acknowledge it. But I’m not going to.
“I don’t know. And I’m sorry. “ I draw my head back, cupping her face so it’s tipped toward mine. “What I do know is that youare an amazing mom. Do not ever believe that you’re not. Luca loves you more than anything in this world. You are everything to him and all that he needs.” My eyes stare directly into hers and just then, another single tear rolls down her cheek. I gently wipe it away with my thumb.
Her eyes continue to bounce between mine for an explanation, clarity, or something else entirely.
“Thank you,” she says; her eyelids look heavy as they blink slowly. “And no, I do not still love Tyler. Our relationship was good before it got bad and that happened very quickly.”
Unsure of what is going on with my own emotions, I respond with the only thought in my head. “Okay.”
I’m relieved that she doesn’t still have feelings for Tyler. But that doesn’t necessarily mean she has feelings for me—or if I do for her.Do I?
We need some separation.
Spending this much time together outside of just fucking is messing with my head. The boundaries of our arrangement are getting blurred, and this never happens to me. I need to get my shit straight.I am not the person for Bailey; she deserves better than me.
Suddenly, I feel her hands slip under my shirt, then she glides them along my back. I stiffen under her touch. She raises onto her tippy toes, bringing her lips to mine. They’re soft, wet, and taste like cherry ChapStick again. My dick twitches as I slip my tongue into her mouth, running it along her bottom lip. My hand moves from her face then lightly down her neck to the sensitive skin of her collarbone.
The house is quiet except for the faint sound of Luca’s white noise sound machine coming from the cracked door of his room.
With her hands firmly placed on the back of my head, Bailey pulls me down, forcing our kiss to go deeper. My body rests flush with hers and heat builds between us. Never breaking ourkiss, she lowers herself down onto the soft cushion of the couch, leading me down with her.
“I know I said not tonight, but I think I changed my mind.” Her words come out labored.
I want her so bad, especially after making her cry. I need to fix it and I want nothing more than to make all her troubles go away. But right now, I need to think with my head and not my cock. I told her I wasn’t coming over for that and I meant it.
I lean in, holding myself up with both of my arms on the back of the couch. I tower over her while she looks up at me with her big fuck-me eyes and it’s killing me to say no.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I abruptly jerk my head back, stepping away from the couch. “I told you I wasn’t here for that.” I quickly adjust my swollen dick in my pants.
Her eyes fall to my pants, seeing me grow bigger by the second. She pulls her bottom lip in between her teeth. “I don’t know if I believe you,” she coos.
I swallow hard, stepping farther away. If I don’t leave now, I’m not going to leave without having my way with her. Those little shorts, too, would slide off so easily. Or I could leave them on, push them to the side, and bend her over the back of this couch. That thin pinstripe down the sides reminds me of being in high school. I was such a horny kid in high school.
Sweat is beading at the base of my forehead. “Look, I told you I was here as a friend, and I’d like to stick to my word.” I lick my lips, still tasting her cherry-flavored ChapStick.
No.
She lets out a heavy sigh. “Okay, I understand.”
“I’m going to go, alright?” I say, dashing toward the door.
A surprised look takes over her face. “Sure, well, thanks for coming over then.” She pauses between each word. She’s confused, but I have to get out of here.
