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"Okay," I say. "Time to get to work, right?"
"No work."
"Hmm?"
"There's no work here. Just this." He waves at the lookout. "Thought you might like to see it."
I grin so wide I can feel the stretch of it.
Here, in the middle of this wilderness, I am something I've never been in my life. Free. Free not only of the guilt and the fear over Blaine, but free of expectations, too. I've lived my life in the shadow of expectations, and the certainty I will fail, as I did with my parents. Now those are lifted, and I'm happy. Unabashedly happy.
I look down, and Dalton's staring at me. I flash another grin for him, and he looks away quickly, his hands shoved into his jacket pockets.
"This is okay, then?" he says.
"No, it's awful. This is my bored face. Can't you tell?"
I'm teasing, but he drops his gaze and mumbles something I don't quite catch. I hop down and walk to a campfire ring.
"You want one of those?" he asks.
I look over.
"Bonfire," he says. "I brought stuff if you do. Wood, tequila, bag of marshmallows."
My grin returns. I'm sure I look like an idiot by now, but I can't help it. "Yes. Please and thank you."
He pushes to his feet. "Like I said, we needed a break. I come up here most nights when I have to fly to Dawson. I've even fallen asleep on that bench. Unless it's a weekend, you don't usually get anyone else up here this time of year."
Which is kind of unbelievable. It is truly a once-in-a-lifetime view. But like Dalton said when I first arrived, there's plenty of scenery here for those who want to see it. This is their normal. My normal now.
"So you come up and have a bonfire?" I say.
"By myself?" He snorts and shakes his head.
"Ah, that's the real reason you invited me. Someone to roast marshmallows with."
Again, I'm teasing, but again he looks away and mumbles something.
I watch him build the fire. Soon we're settled in beside the flames, enjoying tequila in plastic cups and marshmallows on sticks. Darkness falls, and I barely notice. We're too busy talking. I remember the studies I mentioned, on lethal violence with chimpanzees, that subject I've been keeping in my back pocket for a moment just like this, when I have his attention and want to keep it.
It's not exactly light and cheerful conversation, but it works for us, and by the time we finish, I'm stretched out on my back, staring up at the stars. Impossibly endless stars.
"I really wish I had my phone right now," I say.
"Huh?"
"I have an app that identifies the constellations. You just point it, and it knows what section of the sky you're looking at and tells you what you're seeing. It's very cool."
He shakes his head. "Which one are you looking for?"
I smile over at him. "All of them."
He squints up into the sky. "First you need to find the North Star. You see it up there?"
I point.
"That's a planet," he says.
