He didn’t even come to New York City after me. He let me leave because he didn’t think I’d be strong enough to stay gone. He was counting on me to apologize, to beg for his love like it was the only option I had…
Even after all these years.
There’s a swift knock on my hotel room door. I open it, but no one is there.
Instead, there’s a plate of Rice Krispie treats, a manila envelope, and a note.
The note reads…
Rachel,
You love Rice Krispies too much to let some guy ruin them for you. I added a little sweetness to hopefully make you love them again.
Now…for what’s in the envelope.
Someone once ruined something for me, too. Or at least…I thought they had. I just hadn’t found the right ingredient, or person, to make me want to try again.
You might have believed you were just giving Barrett a new life, but what you didn’t know at the time is that I was Barrett. I write what I know to make sense of the world, to find reason and closure. I wasn’t ready to let more in than what made sense to me, but there you were…
Knocking at my door and I didn’t want to open it.
I wanted to keep you out because the truth is…
From the very beginning, when I read your words, I knew.
You’re brave and beautiful. You’re a light in the darkness…my darkness, and I’m not scared of it anymore.
That’s what makes you special, Rachel. You aren’t just a dreamer. You look into the storm, and you find what is good. You found what was good in Barrett, what is good in me…and I see what is good in you, too.
Inside the envelope is the new ending to my fourteenth novel, including the new title.
Life After Daybreak.
Death Before Daybreak just didn’t fit anymore, especially since I’d killed Barrett off and the fourteenth was going to be the last. But because of you…
Well, you are the marshmallow to my Rice Krispies, and that may be the cheesiest thing I’ve ever written, but I will write anything to let you know that you matter.
I want to tell you, in person, three special words, but I hope you can still read between my lines and see what I’m saying.
Evan
The tears are uncontrollable. They’re streaming down my face, soaking into my smile.
And I also feel like I just experienced emotional whiplash.
From being reminded of someone who treated me like I was hard to love…
To being loved by someone who makes it look easy.
And my heart doesn’t know what to do with the difference. Like it’s been living in survival mode for so long it forgot how to justbe. How to beat without fear. How to hope without bracing for disappointment.
Because with Andrew, love was a finish line I never quite reached, no matter how hard I ran. With Evan…it’s not a race. Or a fight. Or a punishment I have to earn my way out of.
It’s just…there. In these words from him.
Steady. Offered without conditions. A love without loopholes.
And I don’t know how to explain the ache that is filling my chest right now. It’s grief for a girl who didn’t know better and gratitude for the woman who finally does.
