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We each carried a basket to the room Rae shared with Tori. I could tell neither was pleased with the arrangement. I swore I saw pencil marks on the windowsill to divide the room in half.
Tori's side was so clean it looked like mine when I'd first walked in. Nothing on the walls. Nothing on the bed or the floor. Every surface was bare, except two picture frames on the dresser. One held a shot of Tori and her parents and the other of a huge Siamese cat.
Rae's half had enough clutter for both of them. Hooded sweatshirts on the bedposts, textbooks balancing precariously on the desk, makeup left open on the dresser, drawers leaking clothing. The room of someone who didn't see why she had to put things away when she'd only be using them again the next day. Her walls were covered with taped photos.
Rae set her basket on Tori's bed, then closed the door. “Okay, I could beat around the bush, but I hate that, so I'm going to come right out and ask. Did I hear right? That you're here because you see ghosts?”
The words I don't want to talk about it rose to my lips. But I did want to talk about it. I longed to pick up the phone and call Kari or Beth, but I wasn't sure how much they'd heard about what happened and whether they'd understand. The person who seemed least likely to make fun of me or gossip
about my problem was right here, asking for my story. So I gave it to her.
When I finished, Rae knelt there, holding up a shirt for at least thirty seconds before realizing what she was doing and folding it.
“Wow,” she said.
“No wonder I'm in here, huh?”
“And it started right before you got your first period? Maybe that's it. Because you were kinda late, all that stuff built up, and then… bam. ”
“Super PMS?”
She laughed. “So have you looked it up?”
“Looked what up?”
“The custodian. ”
When I frowned, she went on. “You got chased by a guy in a custodian's uniform, right? And he was burned, like he died in some fire or explosion. If it really happened, it would have made the papers. You could look it up online. ”
I won't say the thought hadn't occurred to me, but I'd only given it permission to flit through my brain, like a streaker at a football game, moving too fast for me to get a good look.
What if I was really seeing ghosts?
My brain flashed don't go there neon warnings, but some deeper part was fascinated, wanted to go there.
I rubbed my temples.
Ghosts aren't real. Ghosts are for crazy people. What I saw were hallucinations, and the sooner I accepted that, the sooner I'd get out of here.
“It'd be cool if it was,” I said carefully. “But Dr. Gill said seeing visions is a clear sign of a mental illness. ”
“Ah, the label. God, they love their labels here. Can't even let a girl get through her first day without slapping one on. Mine's pyromania. ” She caught my look. “Yeah, I know. We aren't supposed to share. Protecting our privacy. I think that's crap. They just don't want us comparing notes. ”
She lined up socks and started matching them. “You don't agree. ”
“Maybe with something like pyromania. It sounds almost… cool. But there are other things, labels, that we might not want to share. ”
“Like what?”
I concentrated on mating the socks for a minute. I wanted to tell her. Like the stuff about the ghosts. As scared as I was of sounding like a freak, I wanted to tell someone, to see what she said, get a second opinion.
“They say I have schizophrenia. ”
I studied her reaction. Just a small frown of confusion.
“Isn't that multiple personality?” she asked.
“No. Schizophrenia is, like, you know, schizo. ”
Her expression didn't change. “So it's seeing things and stuff?”
I lifted a white sail of a T-?shirt, with faintly dingy armpits. No need to check the name. I folded it and added it to Derek's pile. “There's a whole lot of other symptoms, but I don't have them. "
“None of them?”
“Guess not. ”
She eased back, uncrossing her legs. “See, that's my problem with it. You have one weird episode and they slap on a label, even if you just have the one problem. It's like coughing and they decide you've got pneumonia. I bet there are a lot more symptoms to pyromania, too. Ones I don't have. ”
Her gaze fixed on a red and a blue sock, and she stared intently at them, as if she could will them to turn purple and match. “So what else comes with schizophrenia?”
“Dr. Gill didn't say exactly. ”
“Huh. ”
“I guess I could look it up on the Internet. I should. ”
“We should. Schizophrenia and pyromania. I'd like to know more. To be sure, you know? Especially with the way things are going with Liz…” She rubbed her mouth with the back of her hand, still staring at the mismatched socks. “I think you're going to have the room to yourself soon. Maybe real soon. ”
“They're transferring her?"
“Probably. They've been talking about it for a while. This place is for kids who have problems, but they're not too bad and they're getting better. A couple weeks after I got here, they transferred a guy named Brady. He wasn't getting worse or anything. Not like Liz. He just didn't want to get better. He didn't think there was anything wrong with himself. So off he went. … Taught me a lesson. I might not like their labels and their meds, but I'll keep my mouth shut, play the game, and get out of here the right way. ”
“And go home. ”
A moment of silence, neither of us moving. Then she yanked a blue sock from my hand and waved it in front of my face.
“Whoops. ” I hadn't even realized I'd been holding it.
She folded the blue pair together, then shoved the lone red sock under Tori's bed. “Done. It should be movie time soon. ” She piled folded laundry into one basket. “Notice how quick Simon was to get out of watching the movie? Couple of real scholars, those two. Anything to avoid hanging out with the crazy kids. ”
“I got that impression. Simon seems nice but…”
She handed me one basket and took the other. “He's as much of a diva as Tori. They'd be a great pair. Derek might be a jerk, but at least he's honest about it. Simon makes nice during the day when he has to hang with us, then bolts the minute he can escape with his brother. Acts like he doesn't belong here. Like he doesn't have any problems and it's all a huge mistake. ”
“What is he in here for?”
“Believe me, I'd love to know. Him and Derek, both. Simon never goes to therapy, but Derek gets more than anyone. No one ever comes to visit them, but sometimes you'll hear them going on about their dad. Simon's dad, I think. If he's so great, why'd he dump them here and take off? And how do two guys from the same family, but not blood brothers, both have mental problems? I'd love to see their files. ”
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious about Simon. And maybe Derek, if only because I had the feeling I might need some ammunition against him. But I wouldn't want anyone reading my file and I wasn't going to help Rae read theirs.
