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I don't want this. I don't want him touched by this. It's not fair.
Not fair to him, to be sure. But also, if I admitted it, not fair to me. Ricky was my one good and pure thing right now. Even telling
him about Cainsville and the omens had been difficult, as if it tainted what we had with the madness that was my life these days.
Matilda. Gwynn. Arawn. The cycle repeating.
"Is it fated, then?" I asked. "Us?"
"You mean does Ricky love you because he has to? No. It's not fated that you'll meet. It's not fated that you'll feel the same. You aren't truly Matilda. They aren't truly Arawn and Gwynn. The cycle isn't set. It shifts and it changes. You could choose Arawn this time. You could choose Gwynn again. You could choose . . . and they might not reciprocate. Nothing is decided."
"And which is the best solution?"
She lifted her thin shoulders. "Who knows? It's never happened. Now, you need to go."
"I have more--"
"You aren't worried about him anymore?" I followed her gaze. The meadow faded into the Cainsville park. I saw myself on the bench, sweat pouring down my face, soaking my shirt as I stared glassy-eyed. Gabriel crouched in front of me, his hands on my shoulders.
When I squeezed my eyes shut, I could hear his voice, feel his touch.
"Olivia. Damn it, Olivia."
My eyes snapped open.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Gabriel was right there, his face taut. He moved away, releasing me fast.
"I couldn't get you back," he said, as if in explanation.
"I know. I was just sitting here and . . ." I inhaled. "It's over now. I got the whole story."
"I couldn't get you back," he said again, and there was a different note in his voice now, almost angry. "You would not come back. Your temperature kept rising, and you were gone."
"I'm sorry," I said. "I--"
"I'm not accusing you of anything, Olivia," he said as he stood, snapping his shades back on. "I'm telling you that I could not bring you back. It keeps getting worse, and I don't know . . . I couldn't get to you--" He bit off the sentence, and I remembered the fire, the terrible fire between the worlds, Arawn shouting, Gwynn shouting, trapped on their opposite sides, Matilda lost in the middle, screaming, as she burned.
They couldn't save her. Couldn't get to her.
Gwynn . . .
I closed my eyes. Gabriel wasn't Gwynn. Thrust into the role, but not the same person, not bound to the same fate, not feeling the same emotions, the same bonds. I had to remember that. Otherwise . . . well, otherwise, I thought I'd go mad, trying to reconcile it, Matilda and Gwynn, me and Gabriel.
"I think it's over now," I said. "I've seen it all."
"And you'll tell me."
I hesitated.
"Olivia."
"Of course." As much as I can, as much as I dare. "Not here, though. We should go someplace. Maybe . . . Shit! Ricky." I checked my watch.
"I heard his bike a few minutes ago."
"He'll be wondering where I went. Did you text him?"
