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"That's normal--"
"Normal?" A bitter laugh. "I don't think 'normal' has anything to do with my case. Everyone knows how I died. Everyone has an opinion about who did it. Everyone thinks they know the truth. Everyone except me."
I didn't know what to say.
"All I know is who was accused. The man I married, the father of my children. A criminal court finds him innocent. A civil court finds him guilty. And I don't know. I still don't know." Her voice rose, then she steadied herself and rubbed her face on her sleeve. "How am I supposed to spend eternity not knowing?"
If I opened my mouth, I was going to throw up. It's happened before. Just last spring, I almost lost my dinner on the scuffed shoes of a very straightlaced old man who'd cried as he begged me to contact his dead granddaughter and find out who'd raped and murdered her.
That's the price I pay--for every hundred people I console with fake reassurances, there's one whose heart I break by saying no. I used to think the balance was in my favor, that I helped more than I harmed. But lately, I've come to question that.
"I--I don't know what to tell you," I said finally. "I can't solve your murder."
"I know, but isn't there someone you can ask? Some...higher power who can tell me the truth?"
"If there is, I have no way to make that contact. With the afterlife, I'm restricted to talking to ghosts like you."
She reached to take my arm, frustration and despair filling her eyes as her fingers passed through me. She met my gaze. "Then just tell me what you think. Did he kill me?"
As tempting as it was to tell Gabrielle what she wanted to hear, I didn't have that right.
"What if I tell you no, and you wait for him, only to learn I was wrong? What if I say yes, and you find out later I was wrong?"
"You're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. Do you...do you want me to leave now?"
I shook my head. "Walk with me, if you don't mind. I could use the company."
AS WE neared the house, my gut started twisting again. How should I handle our parting? If I said nothing, I'd lead the other ghosts to believe that while I might not have been able to help Gabrielle, that didn't mean I wasn't willing to hear their stories. I'd spend the rest of this job with ghosts hovering about, waiting for the excuse to pop in, only to be disappointed.
But what was the alternative? Tell Gabrielle to bring them all by, like serfs granted an audience with the queen, telling me their stories, begging for help I couldn't give? I couldn't find a killer. I couldn't help a still-grieving spouse find love again. I couldn't take an inheritance away from an ungrateful child. I couldn't stop an unscrupulous partner from destroying the business they'd built together. Most times, I couldn't even deliver a simple message--at best I'd have a door slammed in my face, at worst I'd be reported for trying to scam the bereaved.
I couldn't handle listening to their pleas, knowing I'd disappoint them. Selfish, maybe, but every no hurt too much.
So what should I say? "Please tell all those other ghosts not to bother me"? How callous was that?
I tell myself that I do help--not ghosts, but the grief-stricken, with my show. But does it matter how many people I reassure if I raise the false hopes of one? By splashing myself on
screen and stage, proclaiming my desire to help the grief-stricken make contact, aren't I lying to the spirits themselves? Misleading them into thinking that of all necromancers, I'm willing to help?
As we reached the drive, I turned to Gabrielle, to tell her...I didn't even know what. But when I looked, I saw only the empty sidewalk.
III
"Five years ago, in this very room, when we first decided to escalate our search for knowledge to the highest level, we made a pact."
She looked around the circle of faces, getting a nod from each member. There was no need to remind them what that pact had been. They were all educated and rational people. Indeed, that very rationality was what had led to the pact.
For over a decade they had searched for the secret that would unlock the arcane mysteries of the occult. It had to exist. Countless ancient texts detailing spells and rituals could not all be mere works of fancy. They were too pervasive, coming from every age, every civilization, every corner of the globe and yet, in many ways, so similar.
They'd come close several times. Even found success with minor magics. But what good was a spell that would levitate a pencil an inch? What they sought was true magic--the ability to fully control inanimate objects, the elements, human behavior, everything those old books promised.
For a long time there was one thing they'd refused to do. An ingredient they would not collect, one that many of the darkest, most obscure tomes called for. Even if that was the key, they'd find another way.
When they finally accepted that their progress had stalled--that they could go no further without help--they agreed to one human sacrifice, to reassure themselves that this wasn't the answer.
To be able to say "we did all we could do," they had to follow the practice most often prescribed. Not just human sacrifice, but the sacrifice of a child.
First, though, they'd needed to protect themselves against one another. They must all agree this was necessary. They must all participate. If it succeeded, they must agree that it would be repeated and that they would participate for as long as the group remained intact. Anyone who refused or changed his mind would forfeit his life.
