Then I stare at my phone for a few seconds, aggressively beating my fingers on the desk.
He can text me, fine. He can leave me food and… unnecessarily thoughtful gifts.
But he doesn’t get to choose how I save his number in my phone.
THE ACTUAL DEVIL
I’m not even hungry.
THE ACTUAL DEVIL
Yeah you are, boyo.
What did you mean the books were sad? Which one did you start with?
I know before he even has to say it.
Most of the books I found were ones that spurred my happy ever after bullshit. A collection of fairy tales, a few longer novels.
But there was one.
One book I found in his library’s shelves, and I included it in thatstack, buried it down at the bottom, because while it broke me as a kid, that break is a part of my foundation.
THE ACTUAL DEVIL
Bridge to Terabithia.
If I had any doubt about his magic being based in luck, good or bad, I don’t anymore.
Mom started reading that book to me before she left. Part of my childish beliefs once she was gone involvedshe has to come back, she didn’t finish the book.
Once it was clear shewasn’tcoming back, I went ahead and read it myself.
Two kids create a fantasy world in the forest behind their houses. Two kids, full of hope and imagination, driven by wonder and freedom and belief.
One of them dies.
And yeah, sure, there’s a lot of deep literary discussions that came from this book, but as a young kid whose mom had left in the middle of reading a book I hadn’t known would end tragically, it was a one-two punch of grief.
My eyes sting again. I’ve been staring at the notebook too long, that’s all.
THE ACTUAL DEVIL
I started to suspect how it would end, so I skipped ahead and I cannot believe you would give someone that book without warning them.
First of all, YOU SKIPPED AHEAD? Sacrilege. Sentence: a painful, public flogging.
Second, how did you suspect the ending?
THE ACTUAL DEVIL
The book had a vibe about it. I dunno.
A vibe? You guessed that Leslie dies based on a vibe?
Where the fuck were you when I was seven, your vibe could’ve saved me a lot of heartache.
THE ACTUAL DEVIL
