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The I Ching calculator then scrolled this text Across its tiny LCD display:
The Judgement of King Wen:
Chun Signifies Difficulties At Outset, As Of Blade Of Grass Pushing Up Against Stone. The Time Is Full Of Irregularities And Obscurities: Superior Man Will Adjust His Measures As In Sorting The Threads Of The Warp And Woof. Firm Correctness Will Bring At Last Success. Early Advances Should Only Be Made With Caution. There Will Be Advantage In Appointing Feudal Princes.
Line 6 Changes:
The Commentary of the Duke of Chou:
The Horses And The Chariot Obliged To Retreat.
Streams Of Bloody Tears Will Flow.
Dirk considered this for a few moments, and then decided that on balance it appeared to be a vote in favour of getting the new fridge, which, by a staggering coincidence, was the course of action which he himself favoured.
There was a pay phone in one of the dark corners where waiters slouched moodily at one another. Dirk threaded his way through them, wondering whom it was they reminded him of, and eventually deciding that it was the small crowd of naked men standing around behind the Holy Family in Michelangelo's picture of the same name, for no more apparent reason than that Michelangelo rather liked them.
He telephoned an acquaintance of his called Nobby Paxton, or so he claimed, who worked the darker side of the domestic appliance supply business. Dirk came straight to the point.
"Dobby, I deed a fridge."
"Dirk, I been saving one against the day you'd ask me."
Dirk found this highly unlikely.
"Only I wand a good fridge you thee, Dobby."
"This is the best, Dirk. Japanese. Microprocessor controlled."
"What would a microprothethor be doing id a fridge, Dobby?"
"Keeping itself cool, Dirk. I'll get the lads to bring it round right away. I need to get it off the premises pretty sharpish for reasons which I won't trouble you with."
"I apprethiade thid, Dobby," said Dirk. "Froblem id, I'm not at home at preddent."
"Gaining access to houses in the absence of their owner is only one of the panoply of skills with which my lads are blessed. Let me know if you find anything missing afterwards, by the way."
"I'd be happy to, Dobby. Id fact if your ladth are in a mood for carting thtuff off I'd be glad if they would thtart with my old fridge. It badly needth throwing away."
"I shall see that it's done, Dirk. There's usually a skip or two on your street these days. Now, do you expect to be paying for this or shall I just get you kneecapped straight off, save everybody time and aggravation all round?"
It was never one hundred per cent clear to Dirk exactly when Nobby was joking and he was not keen to put it to the test. He assured him that he would pay him, as soon as next they met.
"See you very soon then, Dirk," said Nobby. "By the way, do you know you sound exactly as if someone's broken your nose?"
There was a pause.
"You there, Dirk?" said Nobby.
"Yed," said Dirk. "I wad judd liddening to a reggord."
"Hot Potato!" roared the hi-fi in the cafe.
"Don't pick it up. pick it up, pick it up.
"Quick, pass it on, pass it on, pass it on."
"I said, do you know you sound exactly as if someone's broken your nose?" repeated Nobby.
Dirk said that he did know this, thanked Nobby for pointing it out, said goodbye, stood thoughtfully for a moment, made another quick couple of phone calls, and then threaded his way back through the huddle of posing waiters to find the girl whose coffee he had appro
priated sitting at his table.
"Hello," she said, meaningfully.
Dirk was as gracious as he knew how.
He bowed to her very politely, doffed his hat, since all this gave him a second or so to recover himself, and requested her permission to sit down.
"Go ahead," she said, "it's your table." She gestured magnanimously.
She was small, her hair was neat and dark, she was in her mid-twenties, and was looking quizzically at the half-empty cup of coffee in the middle of the table.
Dirk sat down opposite her and leant forward conspiratorially. "I expeg," he said in a low voice, "you are enquirigg after your coffee."
"You betcha," said the girl.
"Id very bad for you, you dow."
"Is it?"
"Id id. Caffeide. Cholethderog in the milgg."
"I see, so it was just my health you were thinking of."
"I was thiggigg of meddy thiggs," said Dirk airily.
"You saw me sitting at the next table and you thought 'There's a nice-looking girl with her health in ruins. Let me save her from herself.'"
"In a nudthell."
"Do you know you've broken your nose?"
"Yeth, of courth I do," said Dirk crossly. "Everybody keepth--"
"How long ago did you break it?" the girl asked.
"Id wad broked for me," said Dirk, "aboud tweddy middidd ago."
"I thought so," said the girl. "Close your eyes for a moment."
Dirk looked at her suspiciously.
"Why?"
"It's all right," she said with a smile, "I'm not going to hurt you. Now close them."
With a puzzled frown, Dirk closed his eyes just for a moment. In that moment the girl reached over and gripped him firmly by the nose, giving it a sharp twist. Dirk nearly exploded with pain and howled so loudly that he almost attracted the attention of a waiter.
"You widge!" he yelled, staggering wildly back from the table clutching his face. "You double-dabbed widge!"
"Oh, be quiet and sit down," she said. "All right, I lied about it not going to hurt you, but at least it should be straight now, which will save you a lot worse later on. You should get straight round to a hospital to have some splints and padding put on. I'm a nurse, I know what I'm doing. Or at least, I think I do. Let's have a look at you."
