AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I gripped at the shirt on his chest, holding onto him, worried if he let go that I’d fall. “Axel,” I said, growling right back. “You don’t know who I really am. You don’t know anything--”
Axel pushed his lips to mine, fighting me when I tried to talk around his mouth. Whatever I had been going to say was lost.
At first, I was angry. I kissed hard, almost biting him. I dug my fingernails into his chest through the stupid polo shirt. I was going to kiss him until he gave in and couldn’t handle it.
Axel fought back. His hands on my ribs slid down to my butt and he gripped at my hips. He started to pull me down.
I wasn’t prepared for it and my loafers were slippery on the mat. I landed on my back, a bit of wind knocked out of me. I coughed. Stupid shoes. I hate loafers.
Axel caught himself in a sort of push up, one of his thighs between my legs. He looked up at my face and then bent his neck, looking at my body. “Are you hurt?”
“Stop asking me if I’m okay,” I said, pushing up at his shoulders. I wanted to get up so I could cover my butt. I was feeling exposed. It didn’t help that his knee was in my crotch.
He grabbed my wrists and pinned them to the mat. “I will ask,” he said. His smoky voice a deep growl again. “I’ll ask you every damn day until I hear an honest answer.”
“Are you hurt?” I fired back at him. I was tired of being drilled for answers. I didn’t know what he wanted me to say. “Are you okay? How are you feeling?”
He frowned, and then bent his head until his lips traced mine as he whispered. “Like you’re gripping the heart in my chest and squeezing.” He backed his head up until his lips shifted down. He spoke, lips drifted smoothly against my skin as he trailed down toward my neck. “You won’t just take it. But you should; I’m not saving it for anyone else.”
I tilted my head back, closing my eyes as he kissed my neck. I lost track of why I was fighting him at all.
“You just hang on to it and tease it and then...” He kissed my neck again, teeth grazing, sending my insides to sparking like the storm behind his eyes.
I strained against his wrists, for no other reason than he was holding me down, caging me in and I needed to move, to expend some energy. I was absorbing the lightning without release.
“No,” he said, and then brought his head up until he was nose to nose with me. “I’m not done. You’re going to hear me out. Unless you tell me you don’t want me, that you want me to get up and walk away.”
I forced myself to stop struggling, to just look up at him. I didn’t want him to walk away. I was...scared. I was afraid to say no to anyone, maybe because I didn’t believe they’d stay if they knew the truth about how I felt. So I was hanging onto everyone and everything and just hoping I didn’t end up alone. Like Wil, out there on his own. Like my father. There were people who needed me and I had walked away. People could do that to me. They would. Anytime they wanted. No one needed me.
It was more than that, too. Axel was right. I didn’t want to love. I didn’t want to hurt his heart like I knew I would, so I had refused it. I kept them all away from me and had dragged out my sickness. It was against my nature to be like that. But it had felt safe to not get involved, to not feel.
He bent his head again, putting his mouth over mine. “I’m going to assume if you’re not telling me to leave, you’re telling me to stay.”
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. My lips refused to move. I was too stubborn even though I hated it. Why was telling people what I wanted so difficult?
He lowered his head and kissed me. Slower this time. He released my wrists to hold himself up with his elbows over me. He shifted his knee deeper into my crotch, pushing it tight against my bare parts.
My hips moved against his, grinding. I couldn’t control it. I kissed him back and my newly freed hands gripped his shoulders and then moved up his neck. I was rough, gripping, squeezing, clawing.
He moved his other leg between mine, and then shifted until his crotch was pushing up against me. The action wedged his legs under my thighs. It picked my hips up off the floor. His hands moved down to my thighs, pushing up the hem of the dress as he gripped me as hard as I held on to his shoulders.
I broke the kiss, dizzy and gasping as I needed more air. My eyes rolled up so I closed them.
He pushed my chin back with his cheek and then kissed my neck. He drew in the skin, sucking hard. He used his teeth in in a trail of gentle bites all the way to my shoulder. His hands held onto my butt and he ground his body into mine. I felt his hard cock pushing up against me, rubbing at my nakedness.
There was a commotion in the hallway just outside the door. Axel growled and jumped up quickly. He raced for the door.
Too late. There was a gentle knock at the door right before it opened and a woman in a black uniform poked her head in.
I sat up in a hurry and couldn’t get the corduroy dress to straighten out properly, flashing the woman the goods.
Axel got into her way. “Excuse us,” he said. He blocked her entrance, holding onto the door and gently trying to push her back out.
“Oh!” The woman waved her hand and her face turned red. “I’m so sorry. I thought...if someone had sent their kids...and they were alone...”
“No,” Axel said. “Just us. We’ll leave.”
She nodded and walked away. I got up on my knees. I flattened out the dress and straightened the glasses again. I could set myself on fire for how embarrassed I was.
“Wrong place,” Axel said, holding the door closed, as if making sure no one else could come inside.
“We need to get back to work,” I said, trying to calm my heart and the heat in my face. Now the crew was going to hear about the friends of Ethan’s trying to get it on in the children’s play room. At least our boyfriend and girlfriend act would be secure.
“I meant what I said,” Axel said. He blocked the door, putting his back to it. “I’m tired of pussyfooting. I’m tired of this space between us we’ve created. I don’t want it. I don’t want to think of kissing you and not being able to. I’m not used to holding back.”
“Why have you?” I asked.
“I thought you were sick.”
“No,” I said, hating to say it and yet, I felt I had to. “We were both sick, remember? But I was always around. You would ask me how I was, and then would walk away. Yes, I didn’t fe
el good, but it was Raven and the others who hung out with me. Marc brought me food. Corey played games with me. Brandon would often join us and Raven watched TV with me. You went to work and I only saw you every once in a while. Maybe they did back off and behave like you asked, but they were there.” I looked at him, meeting his eyes. I hadn’t realized until just then what bugged me about Axel, but it was that he had decided to give me space at all. “Why weren’t you?”
He frowned, shaking his head, but he said nothing.
This hurt, but this whole situation wasn’t only my fault. I cared about Axel, about how he felt, but I also wasn’t going to buy that I had pushed him away every time. Not when he had been avoiding me. He couldn’t tell me that was my fault. I wasn’t the only one pushing away.
But he wasn’t talking now. “We should get back to work,” I said.
He opened the door and we walked along the corridors in silence.
I ignored our luxurious surroundings and turned inward into my own head. No wonder I was so conflicted about them all. Axel openly admitted he cared about me, and yet he was so solitary. I understood he was like that; it was part of what I liked about him. He was mystery and intrigue personified. He was the puzzle I wanted to figure out.
And yet there was Raven, and I adored his willingness to play and fight with me harder than the other boys. Marc made an effort to be nice, cooking for me, even if he hadn’t been allowed to show affection. Brandon pushed me to better myself, to get me to eat right. Corey was always a friend, always willing to play.
And then there was Blake, who had been blocked from access to me and had yet devised a way for us to work together, something they wouldn’t ignore. He might not have done this all just for me, but he had made sure to include me.
My heart was stretched, full. Before, I had Wil. And a father I didn’t really care for but who was still family. Now I had all of these guys around and instead of feeling like I’d split my heart up, or should focus on one of them, it felt like my heart had increased out of proportion, too big for my chest, because it carried all of them.
