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Suddenly I realized how important it was to get to him, and why he might be hiding. If Blake really wanted to point fingers, Raven would be in trouble no matter what.
“Where’s Corey now?” I asked. “Is he following Sam? And where’s this spa? Is it the same as the bath?” The bath seemed to take up an entire section of the ship, and I hadn’t seen any massage tables or other spa stuff.
He pointed each hand in different directions. “The last I heard, Sam and Corey were a few decks up. The spa’s downstairs. Deck two, I think.”
“Then I want to go take a look at the spa.”
“No,” he said, approaching me.
I paused, holding my breath, staring at his face. I was trying not to yell at him. This was the perfect time to check things out, and I didn’t see a reason not to.
He glared at me and reached up, over my head, holding the door closed, cutting off my ability to leave. “Absolutely not.”
“Look, I may not be able to do DNA testing or criminal investigation, but I know how to think like a criminal,” I said. “At least let me go look at the place. Let me see what might be going on.”
“I can’t allow it,” Brandon said, his voice rising. He leaned in and I pressed my back against the door to avoid him touching me. He pointed beyond the door. “Somewhere in there is someone throwing people overboard to die. We really shouldn’t have you out in the hallways at all. The more we’re walking around, the more likely that someone will recognize you. That killer might be down there, waiting to see if anyone else snoops around. It’s the last place you need to be. We need to take you somewhere safe.”
“I’m not going to wave and call out my name and say I’m back,” I said. “Sam’s upstairs doing whatever he’s doing. Which means I can take a look around and just see what might be going on.”
“No.”
“Why did I come back if I was going to be stuck in a room? Unless there’s something else we should do immediately?” The next words slipped out of my mouth without thought. “Unless there’s something more important we should discuss.”
Brandon kept his hand on the door, towering over me. “Kay—you…” The strain on his face was so tight, I thought it would crumble.
“I’d do it for you,” I said. “I’d go ask Sam myself if it meant I helped you out of a mess like Raven might be in.” Wouldn’t he want some help if he was in trouble? Maybe Raven was caught up and couldn’t get help, but that didn’t mean he didn’t need it.
Brandon hovered over me, the muscles in his arm tightening as his loose sleeve slid toward his elbow. His breath hard, coming faster as he struggled to hold himself together.
His blue eyes finally lifted, looking right at my face, pleading. “Don’t do this to me,” he said, his voice soft.
My heart thundered. “Help me,” I said. “Help him. If we can get to the bottom of this, we can get back to what we were doing before.” We needed to find out who had done this to me, but I couldn’t forget about Ethan asking me to help him find all that money.
“I don’t think we can ever get back to how it was before,” he whispered.
His meaning caught me off guard, and I realized he might have been referring to our relationship. My lips tightened. I swallowed and my heart, which had been ready for action, suddenly raced for a new reason.
He brought a hand up toward my face, his palm hovering over my cheek but not touching. “I thought we lost you. We knew you were gone before you called. We only hoped you hadn’t gone overboard…”
I gasped, surprised. “You thought I was still on the ship?”
“No one saw you actually going over. Just heard the struggle. You can’t hear a splashdown on the recording. We broke down almost every door looking for you until Corey told us you called…”
I swallowed again, finding myself staring at his chest and how the sweater hanging off of him revealed part of his broad shoulder. I had thought Blake was still on board until I’d gone over, so it was easy to believe they were looking for me until they’d heard from us.
“You thought someone just knocked me out and left me?”
“Or someone was holding you hostage, or you’d just dropped your earpiece and gotten into trouble like you tend to do. We were running around trying to figure it out…and then when Corey got your call and the truth came out…” He placed his hand over his chest, over his heart. “I was angry after you went to dinner. I didn’t know what to think. I couldn’t think at all. Then when you disappeared, I couldn’t stop thinking it was my fault.”
I gasped and leaned against the door. “Your fault? You didn’t push me over.”
“I thought you would have called for us, any of us, to come help if you weren’t so angry with us.” His gaze darkened. “Why didn’t you tell me about the others? How come you didn’t tell me they were…flirting?” he grumbled. “I don’t know how to say it.”
My lips twisted and my tongue moved. I wanted to say so much and yet I couldn’t get anything out of my mouth.
I thought I’d be ready for this conversation, but I wasn’t. Was there really anything I could say about my behavior?
A cold breeze whipped around us, shifting his sweater. He turned his back to the wind, shielding me from it.
Protecting me, like he’d done since I’d first met him.
When the breeze died, he leaned his shoulder against the wall, looking down at his feet. “I should have realized there was a bigger reason why you were pulling away. Every time we got close, you backed off. Why didn’t you tell me the others were doing the same?”
Liam had talked to him, right? Was he not going to ask about Axel?
It sounded like he was resigned, like he was looking for closure.
I dropped my shoulders and looked to the balcony, then at the wood floor. It was my instinct to be dismissive and just move on. If he didn’t care about me in that way after hearing the truth, then I’d have to accept it.
The fact that he did small things, like protecting me from the wind and trying to stop me from chasing after Sam, killed me. Despite the broken look, the sadness I saw in him, he was willing to do nice things for me. He was incredible.
“It happened slowly,” I said, trying to keep my voice even, to stop myself from breaking down. “I’d been on my own for a long time. Suddenly there were all these…really great and wonderful guys around me, and they were fun, and talented. I was happy with the idea of a few friends, once I got over how you basically kidnapped me to do your dirty work in the beginning.”
He said nothing, although I wished he would. I paused long enough for him to, but he stared at his feet instead, waiting.
I continued. “You all approached me at about the same time. For a while, it felt like little flirtations here and there. I was sure most if not all of you would change your mind after getting to know me. I also didn’t know you all very well. The more I got to know you, the harder it became to make a decision. I was waiting for…for…I don’t know. That was my mistake. I didn’t know what to do, so I waited.”
His eyes moved slowly up from his feet, over my body and back to my face.
He looked lost, full of emotion as his eyes narrowed on mine. “You couldn’t choose between us? Did you ever feel I pressured you?”
“No. After a while, it felt too late to choose,” I said. “I knew what you wanted from me, and I now realize it was wrong of me to stay so quiet. It wasn’t re
ally anyone’s fault but mine. Please understand, you’re all great. I’m still getting to know you. I wasn’t allowing myself to get closer until I was clear with what I was doing. Suddenly, everyone was too close, to the point where I was…I was afraid.”
He frowned and leaned in. “Kayli, you should never be afraid of me.” His palm finally touched my cheek softly.
I leaned my cheek into his hand. I couldn’t help it. I was desperate for a connection, even just a friendly one. Some deep part of me hoped this touch wouldn’t be the last one from him. “I was afraid if I picked one, the others would be angry, or bitter, or…I’d lose what I’d built with everyone. Or I’d break up your team…”
“Our team,” he said. “I wish you’d stop saying your team, like you don’t belong.”
I swallowed thickly and blinked rapidly to ward off the emotion. How could he talk like that? Once we found Raven, everything would change. Could they keep me on their team, or even stay close like they had? I didn’t see a scenario where we’d all just forget everything and go back to just being friends.
Not that I wanted to be just friends with any of them.
I sighed. “I wanted to belong, in my own way. I wanted to just keep going like we were, but I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to get closer. I was waiting to find my brother. I told myself if I found him, I’d get a job and move out. Once I was on my own two feet, I’d have the time to do things properly, and get to know you all better. Only…I couldn’t leave. I didn’t want to. For the first time, I felt comfortable around other people. Like I belonged. And then things were going too far with everyone.”
He leaned in until his forehead was hovering close to mine. He was too close to actually look at, so I closed my eyes.
“We’re going to fix this,” he said. “I know this isn’t the time or place. This was our fault, too. I was pushing for something, even when I sensed you were holding back. I thought you were just being stubborn.”
