“I think that’s enough.” I push back from the table and stand, holding out a hand for Frank. “We’ll be going now.”
FRANK
“I’m sorry.” It’s the first words Matthias has said to me since we made our escape from my house. Much of the drive has been in silence, not even the radio to cover up the awkward tension between us.
“Why?” I blurt out. I’d been trying to come up with a good excuse, a way to apologize for not giving him the whole story. He, of course, knows that I’m moving out of my parents’ house. That’s why he’s going to be paying my tuition next term, which I love and hate. When I broke and told him about my money issues, I may have left out the part about my parents’ ultimatum. At the time, I was so embarrassed I couldn’t say the words. I mean, how shitty of a son do I have to be to get kicked out of the basement when I’m paying rent?
“For telling them your secret. For creating issues. For making a scene. Pick one or all of them. I’m so sorry, Frank.”
It’s weird how strange my name sounds on his lips. I prefer it when he calls me Firecracker. “They’d find out eventually.” When he said it, I had a brief moment of complete panic, followed by what can only be described asrelief. Everything was on the table for once. At least then when they rejected me, it was all of me. The whole version of the story.
“But it should’ve been in your own time.”
The silence returns, this time a little bit lighter. A few minutes later, we pull into Matthias’s garage. I’m not sure exactly what happens now. Not with him, specifically, but in general. Do I go get my stuff? I don’t have anywhere to go yet. I’ve been looking at places, but I figured I had another couple of weeks before I needed to commit to anything. With the holidays, tracking down landlords and setting up showings has been hit or miss. The two places I looked at were straight out of a horror movie. Which might be the best I can manage, but I want to be sure before I sign up to play the lead character in the film.
“Frank—” Matthias says at the same time as I say his name.
“You first,” he says.
“I wasn’t completely honest with you. I’m moving out of my parents’ basement, but not completely of my own free will.” His face doesn’t change, so either he figured this all out or he’s good at poker. “They said I could either get a new job that they deemed appropriate, take a position with Ethan, or move out. They didn’t want me wasting my life anymore.” I try to hold it together, to keep the tears filling my eyes from spilling over, but gravity wins, and they start streaming down my face. “That’s why I said I needed to get out. It’s why I’m getting my own apartment and couldn’t pay my tuition.” At this point, I’m not even sure he can understand me. My tears have turned into sobs, and I barely manage to gasp in a breath every few seconds.
“Firecracker.” Matthias’s hands are on me, holding my chin and gently brushing his fingers over my cheek. “Take a deep breath for me. In and out.” I try to follow his instructions, breathing when he tells me to. It takes a few rounds before I manage to get myself under control. “That’s good. You’re doing so good for me.” His words pierce through the dark cloud around me, hitting me directly in the heart. It’s enough to make me almost start crying all over again. Almost.
“Sorry,” I mutter, wiping my hands over my eyes, trying to get rid of the evidence of my breakdown.
“What are you sorry for?” he asks gently.
“For crying all over you.” I break into a laugh. This poor guy is seeing all the worst parts of me.
“You never need to apologize for that. Not to me. I’ll take all your tears.” I hope not. If I could stop embarrassing myself in front of this man, that would be fantastic. “Let’s go inside so we can talk.”
Yeah, I know what that means. We can talk, and he can tell me all about how he doesn’t want to date me anymore. I’m too complicated. Too young. Too much in general. All the reasons bounce around in my head as we make our way into the house. I expect him to lead me to the living room, but he bypasses it and takes me into the bedroom instead.
Weird place to break up with someone, but okay. Maybe he wants me to get the small collection of personal items that are here out.
“Firecracker, why didn’t you tell me what was going on with your parents?” Matthias’s voice is gentle and soothing. He beckons me to sit down next to him on the edge of the bed, patting the comforter a few times.
“Um… because it’s embarrassing.” Although, that seems to be a theme in this relationship. “I mean, getting thrown out of my parents’ house? Refusing to take a pity job from my brother?” Eww. Now that it might cost me Matthias? I wonder if it would be that bad. They have an office here in Cardinal Falls, so I wouldn’t have to move.
No, I wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror every morning if I did that.
“Firecracker, do you remember what we talked about? That I can’t help you if you don’t tell me the truth? That’s part of my role here. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s embarrassing. I’m not going to think any less of you. That’s part of a relationship. We get to know all the embarrassing things about each other that no one else knows. And those pieces are part of what bonds us together; makes us stronger.”
I hang my head. I know he’s right. I did promise him that I would confide in him. Twice now—once after the car and once after my grades came out. This man has seen so much of me already; I don’t know why I thought I needed to hide.
“I’m sorry, Daddy.” He feels like my Daddy right now, my protector and guardian. The white knight who rides in and saves me.
“I’m going to punish you for this, for not telling me, and then it’ll be over.”
I suck in a breath at the word punish. We talked about this, but at the time, it was purely hypothetical. When we sat down and discussed limits and other topics, I consented. Though, I honestly didn’t expect it to ever happen.
“Take off your clothes.”
A shiver goes through me as I obey, stripping off everything but my briefs. It’s weird standing here, almost naked, in front of him while he’s fully dressed. Even his shoes are on. That little fact makes me even more aware of the power differential in the room. My dick seems to like it, though, chubbing up in anticipation of fun times. I try to tell it thatnaked in Matthias’s bedroom doesn’t equal sex this time, but it doesn’t want to listen.
“Those, too.” Matthias motions toward my briefs. As if tonight could get much more humiliating. At least with them on, the clear evidence of my excitement isn’t waving around in front of us. I sigh and step out of them, adding them to the pile of clothes on the ground next to me.
Matthias stands and takes off his grey slacks and button-down shirt, leaving him in only a pair of navy boxer briefs and a white undershirt. I wait for him to take off the rest, to join me, but he doesn’t. Instead, he sits back down on the edge of the bed.
