I know you’re going to impress them.
Everyone I love is sending me good wishes, even if I know Aaron secretly—or not so secretly—wishes I would quit and find a different job.
Love.
I easily lump Frank into that category with the rest of my loved ones. It feels too soon. We haven’t been dating that long, but I swear I fell for him that first morning. And then a little bit more every morning after that. Each time I left the water bottle on the back porch. Each time I brought him coffee in the morning. When he came to my house after class to rest or study. All of those moments when my admiration and love for him grew.
My Firecracker, who hasn’t had things easy, but lets it all roll off him as best he can. Who keeps chasing his dreams, even when the world rolls stones into his path.
I text him back first.
Me
I think it went okay.
Frank
Of course it did. They know you’re the best.
I can’t help my smile. Yeah, I love him. Now, I have to figure out how to tell him.
FRANK
I’m counting down the days until I move into Matthias’s house. I prefer to think of it that way, moving into his house instead of moving in with him, because it makes it sound less strange.
Otherwise, moving in with my boyfriend is too weird. Especially since we haven’t been dating very long. If circumstances were different, if I wasn’t about to be homeless, I’m sure this milestone would come a year from now. Maybe longer.
I’m still very excited. I mean, going from a basement cave to that place is a big glow-up. If nothing else, the bathroom will make it worthwhile. He’s got a separate tub and shower, plus that thing where you can warm the floors. I’ve installed plenty of those over the years, but always thought they seemed like an eclectic luxury.
Nope, not anymore. After benefitting from it in the morning when I pad into the bathroom, barefoot, to take a piss, I’m never going back.
Hopefully, I won’t have to.
It makes sense anyway, moving in. That’s not a superromantic notion, but I spend most of my time there. I sleep there almost every night. Logistically, being in the same space as Matthias is a major plus. He helps me ensure I have my water bottle and food for the day, especially now that he can’t simply leave them on the back porch. I guess it’s what he meant about the whole Daddy thing, but I really am taken care of.
I wish every night could be that way, but tonight I’m at home. Or at least my current home. Matthias has a big work meeting to attend, and I need to do some packing. There’s not a lot here, but enough that I need to put it in boxes and suitcases. Matthias enlisted his friends to do the heavy lifting. It’s unnecessary considering all this would fit inside Squeezy without issue, but it’s nice that they’re willing to help.
It’s a little after eight when I pull into my parents’ driveway. Statistics class is killing, thinking about all the different probabilities. It’s better than calculus though, so I’m not complaining. It does make me reconsider several times whether picking a highly quantitative degree was the right choice.
It’s Matthias’s voice, telling me to be kind to myself, that fills my head. Calc was hard, but I got a solid B. Statistics has just started, but my first quiz went well. It might be a little harder than I’m used to, but I’m doing it.
After Squeezy’s inparkand I triple-check that the lights are all turned off, I make my way inside. It’s not the first time I’ve seen my parents sincethe incident, as I’m referring to it. Each time is awkward beyond belief. I’m not even sure what to say to them. All I’ve told them is that I’m moving out, and because I’m a chicken, I did it over text message.
The sound of the TV hits me as soon as I let myself in. There’s no choice but to walk through the living roomto get downstairs. A design flaw I’d really like to have a word with the architect about. I steel myself and push forward, anxious to be in my own space.
“Frank? That you?” I shake my head at my mom’s question. Who the fuck else would it be?
“Yes, I’m going to my room.” There’s no need to talk about this anymore. I don’t have anything to say, and they don’t have anything I want to listen to.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Make it quick. I’ve got work to do.” I step into the living room, keeping myself close to the stairs, ready to make an exit the minute this turns ugly. It’s a strategy I’ve discussed with Matthias a few times. He didn’t want me coming back here at all, insisting that he’d show up and grab all my things. While I appreciate his protectiveness, I’m not afraid to be here. Plus, there’s no way I’m letting him handle my packing. I don’t want half the crap that’s down there since they’re remnants of my high school years. I’d rather leave them behind as I start my new life with him.
“How are classes?” She twists her body on the couch so she can see me better.
“Fine.”
“Your father and I were talking, and maybe we were a little too hasty with asking you to move out.” I don’t answer. There’s more. There’s always more. “We could extend the timeline a bit. Maybe after you finish this semester, you can use the summer to look for a job.”
