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He had an opinion? I stuffed my fingers into the front pocket of the hoodie to hide how they trembled. Nathan was right, I needed to learn how to lie better. “I just go to the woods behind the house. No one is ever out there.”
He frowned but shrugged me off and headed back to his bedroom. I hesitated, waiting for him to relay what was going on to my mother and my mother to start yelling at me to talk to her and ground me to my room or tell me to kneel on the floor. I couldn’t spare another minute. If I wasn’t outside now, Silas would come back for me. If I ended up kneeling in rice again, I wasn’t sure what I could do. He’d pull me out for sure.
I opened the side door and slipped out into the early morning. It was the risk I had to take right now. Maybe by that afternoon when I got home from school, she’ll have forgotten or I’d get lucky and he wouldn’t think to mention it to her at all.
Silas stood, ready to go in the drive. He turned to me when I rushed out, his eyebrows going up. ”What took you?”
“My dad’s awake,” I said, frowning. I grabbed his arm, tugging him toward the back yard. “Let’s hurry. I don’t want him looking out and spotting you.”
He frowned, shaking his head. “Forget the long way.” He jerked his head toward the neighbor’s yard. “Come on.”
I followed on his heels behind him as he cut through the neighbor’s front lawns, taking the shortest distance possible and one where we wouldn’t be seen by any windows by my parents. If anyone else was awake, I wondered what they would have thought of two teenagers sneaking off together before dawn. Would they think we were running away together? Would they assume we were off to have sex or get high? Would they believe that he was helping me to escape my mother’s crazy punishments and I was helping him evade being discovered?
I yearned for a time we didn’t have to slip out into the shadows of the night in order to find some peace. How long did we have to sneak around like the bad people my mother thought Silas and the others to be? Would they ever get tired of having to deal with this? Would the boys eventually hate that they made this decision to include me? It took a lot of work to survive around my parents. How could it be worth it to them?
When we got to Nathan’s, I reached the door first and started to knock but Silas nudged me aside and opened the door without warning. He pushed me in, entered and shut the door behind himself.
He dropped our things onto the floor, pressing his back to the doorframe. My fingers fluttered to the base of my throat as he scanned out the glass panes on either side of Nathan’s front door, waiting. My breath caught. Did my father see us at any point? Would he go out looking for me? Would my mother demand for my return?
“What are you doing?” Nathan’s voice cut through our silence. Silas and I jumped and spun around. Nathan was wearing only shorts, rubbing the back of his mussed, rusty hair and half yawning. A shiver of guilt slid through my spine as I admired the muscles in his chest and arms. It wasn’t the time to stare, I knew, but I couldn’t help it. He was incredible.
“Her dad woke up,” Silas said. He stepped away from the door.
Nathan frowned, looking to me. “What happened?”
I relayed the events from the moment I spotted him in the foyer until we were running through the yards. “I had to go,” I said. “If he told my mother, she’s yelling for me right now. But if I stayed, I don’t know what she’d do and Silas was outside waiting and...” I swallowed, rubbing a finger across my lip. Maybe it was the wrong move. I’d panicked, worried about Silas and because of my own selfish desire to escape. Maybe I should have told my dad I was going to stay and sent a text to Silas that I was going to be delayed and to go to Nathan’s without me.
Nathan collected my hand at my mouth, squeezing. His blue eyes darkening on his face. “Wait here with Silas.”
My eyes popped open at his words. “What are you doing?”
“I’m going back to check.”
“You can’t!”
“We have to make sure,” Nathan said. “I’ll go listen and see. If she’s calling for you, I’ll call Silas and let you go back, but we’ll be there if she tries one of her punishments. We just need to make sure she isn’t calling the cops on you or anything. We’ll try not to let this get out of hand.”
I turned to Silas. “Don’t let him. He’ll get caught.”
Silas sighed, looking conflicted. “He’s right, aggele.”
There was nothing I could say. Nathan ran to his room, coming back out to the foyer where we were still standing as he dropped a t-shirt over his head. Silas stepped out of the way and opened the door as Nathan walked back out into the early morning, disappearing across the lawns that we’d come from.
Silas repositioned himself into the kitchen, watching from where he could see out the front windows toward my parents’ front lawn. He dug his cell phone from his pocket to keep in hand.
I wanted to curl up in his lap again. I wanted to go back and change my decisions. I wished I had fought them on this harder. If Nathan got caught, it would be my fault. If I had to go back for a punishment, and Silas and Nathan had to pull me out, it’d be my fault.
I clutched a hand over my heart, and leaned against the wall, counting off my heartbeats for every moment Nathan was gone.
Silas glanced over at me, frowning. He held his arms out to me. I stumbled across the floor to him. He enclosed an arm around me, a hand moving behind my head to hold me against his chest. I hugged him, my fingers rubbing absentmindedly at his back.
He separated the blinds with one hand to keep a look out as he held on to me. I didn’t mean to be in the way. I didn’t have the courage to let go.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered against his chest.
He bowed his head, breathing against my hair. “What for?”
“I should have been more careful,” I said, pressing my face to his chest to avoid his eyes.
His hand shifted, petting my hair. “It isn’t your fault.”
“But I...”
“No,” he said. He pushed me away from him until my back was against the wall. He held his fingers to my lips to stop me from speaking. “No more blaming yourself. You’re doing your best. If you had normal parents, we wouldn’t have to sneak around and do all this. If you want to blame anyone, blame them.” He bowed his head closer to my face, his deep brown eyes gazing into mine. How they treat you isn’t your fault. Anyone with half a brain would never neglect you like they do.”
“Silas,” I mumbled against his fingers.
He grunted, pressing his nose to my forehead. His breath warmed my face.
My eyes closed.
“You shouldn’t have to do this at all,” he whispered. “You’re too sweet to be stuck there. Say the word, Sang. Tell me to take you. I’ll do it. I’ll do whatever you want.”
I couldn’t find my voice to reply. Was he serious? Was he just trying to make me feel better? Part of me wanted to say something, to ask him just to see how far he took this. What did he mean? Where would he take me?
His fingers clutched my chin, lifting. It forced my eyelids open and I was lost in the concern and yearning in his face.
“Say it,” he commanded.
“Silas...” I whispered. My mind was in a frenzy. The words teased my tongue. How easy would it be to tell him, but how was I going to? How could I do that to him? I didn’t
even understand what he meant. Those dark brown eyes were begging me to just tell him anything and I didn’t know how.
What scared me the most was how badly I was tempted to say what he wanted.
The sound of the front door opening had me stiffening against the wall. Silas grunted, turning with his hands clenched into fists. I could only pray it was Nathan and not my father or the police having snuck up on us. It frightened me to think of what Silas might be preparing himself for if it were the latter.
Nathan popped his head in from around the corner. His eyes caught mine and he seemed confused, tilting his head. “He’s packing a suitcase,” he said. “He left a note on your door.” He held out a neon yellow note stuck to his fingertips. “I checked in on your mom after he left the bedroom. She’s asleep and doesn’t know anything.”
Silas crossed the room before I could, taking the note from his fingers. He glanced over the writing before frowning and slowly passing it back to me.
Business trip.
“Another one?” I wondered. I swallowed, taking the note from Silas’s fingers. I folded the paper. Relief flooded through me. I wasn’t in trouble. He’d gotten up early because he had to leave. “Thank goodness. We’re not caught.”
Silas continued to frown, and Nathan joined him, shaking his head.
I didn’t understand. Wasn’t this a good thing that we weren’t discovered or that she wasn’t calling for me? “What?” I asked.
“Not even a fucking goodbye,” Nathan mumbled.
Silas grunted again in an agreeing tone. He marched off, grabbing his bag and heading to Nathan’s bathroom.
I still didn’t understand, and it scared me that I didn’t.
Thick in the Nettles
It was Thursday. School was quiet. No fights. Any note passed to me in class was intercepted by North or the others, or I handed one to them the moment I got one. I wondered when they would ever learn that I didn’t get them or read them and I wasn’t interested. Part of me wondered if it was some sort of joke now. Pass the strange girl a note. Maybe it was a game.
