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“We can’t. We’re supposed to stay out of trouble, remember?”
Luke blew out a puff of air from between his lips. He shifted, wrapping an arm around my waist and tugging me. I slipped into his lap. He pressed his cheek to my forehead. “Sang, you can’t let yourself get walked over like this. They stole your clothes.”
“What choice do I have?” I whispered to him, staring absently at my knees.
He sighed, brushing his fingertips over the outside of my thigh as he held me. “I wish I knew. She can’t do this to you. She’s taking advantage of you.”
“If I went to our mom, she’d get into trouble, too,” I said.
“Would she?” he asked. He drew his head back, gazing down into my face. “Do you remember the last time your mother even talked to your sister? Or even asked about her?”
I blinked, unsure. “I don’t know. She does that sometimes.”
“When is the last time you saw your sister on her knees?”
I tried to recall but my mind was hazy. After learning my clothes were gone and after the crazy day we’d had, it was hard to concentrate. “I don’t remember.”
“Or maybe it’s been a really long time, long enough for your memory to fade?” he asked. “Sweetie, you’ve gotten how much done to you in the few weeks that I’ve known you, and Marie hasn’t once been called out for anything. You thought you went unnoticed at school before? Your sister is invisible here.”
Was that true? If it was, how did that happen? How did I not notice? I thought perhaps maybe it did happen to her and I was gone when it happened. She never looked surprised when she saw me on my knees or on the stool or in any of the other punishments over the years. My father was never there to acknowledge either of us... but then he told me about going on his business trips, didn’t he? And my mother shouted for me instead of Marie when she needed something or wanted to check on us. Did they forget about her?
“She might not get the punishments you get,” Luke continued, smoothing a fingertip over my knee. “But that’s no excuse to take advantage of her own sister. I want to feel sorry for her, but I can’t right now.”
I made a small noise from my throat, frustrated, confused. “There’s nothing else to do,” I said. “She got what she wanted, I guess. She traded Danielle for clothes, and I’ve got the leftovers.” I wanted to stop talking about problems I couldn’t fix. The overhanging questions about why she was invisible in the house and why I was sought out for exotic, unusual punishments wasn’t something I was ready to look at. “I’ll find something I can work with.”
Luke sighed and let me go. I crawled off of his lap, returning my attention to the pile on the bed. I found the smallest pair of jeans I could find, measured out the length. I found a pair of scissors to cut them into shorts.
I picked out the smallest t-shirt. It looked like a boy’s shirt. Other jeans and shirts looked like old boy clothes. Something told me some of these belonged to Derrick.
I thought about washing the clothes I was wearing, but the shorts were too short for school regulations. The shirt, maybe. What else would I wear later? I couldn’t go to school wearing the same two pairs of shorts and shirts.
Luke remained quiet on the bed as I fiddled with the clothes. I discarded items that were too big for me. He folded those pieces carefully and set them aside. “I could go get your clothes,” he said softly.
I blinked at him, my eyes tracing over the gentle angles of his face, the way his smooth lips twitched down at the corners. “How?”
His dark eyes met mine. His normal, happy disposition was gone, replaced by something cold. “I’ll take them back.”
The way he said it made my heart stop. I don’t know how it occurred to me, but in my mind, I envisioned Luke sneaking into Danielle’s house and stealing the clothes. He was quiet on his feet, sneaking around my own house. Did he think he could do it at Danielle’s without anyone noticing? Was that what he meant?
The clothing I held slipped from my fingers to the floor. I stumbled toward him, closing the distance between us. I dropped my arms around his neck and buried my face into his shoulder. He leaned back, as if surprised at my sudden hug.
I couldn’t stand to see his eyes like that. I couldn’t take it if he got caught stealing from Danielle’s house. Then he’d really get into trouble. “Don’t do it,” I begged him. “Please.”
His palm drifted to rest at the small of my back. “I want to. You can’t wear these to school, Sang.”
I squeezed my arms around his neck. “No,” I whispered. “Don’t. Please.”
“I really should. She deserves it.”
Was he asking or was he telling me he was going to and wanted me to tell him I was okay with it? My mine flared for something to say to him, anything to get him to change his mind. “I’ll... I’ll never talk to you again if you try.” It was a weak threat and I would never mean it. How immature was I? Only I didn’t have anything else. What could I really do if he did run off and attempted to steal them back?
The moment the words slipped from my mouth, he stiffened against me. His other hand clutched my back and he pulled me against him harder than ever before. “Sang, don’t you dare.”
I realized my mistake. North didn’t talk to him when he arrived at their doorstep years ago. I was threatening him with almost the same thing, with not talking to him. He didn’t like it. He didn’t know I couldn’t really stop. Could I ever really stop talking to someone so sweet?
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “No more trouble. Okay? I’ll wear what I have. We’ll figure it out. Let’s get through Friday.”
He pushed his forehead to my shoulder, breathing in against me. Locks of his hair tickled my neck. “If you don’t want me to, I won’t.”
“Don’t,” I said.
He nodded against shoulder, pulling back, frowning. “Maybe we should call Gabriel,” he said.
“Let’s not worry about it tonight,” I said. I reflected on how tired Gabriel looked. He was the one that really needed sleep. The last thing he needed was to stress out about what I was wearing to school. “We’ll go to school, we’ll tell them all about it and we’ll figure it out. Maybe we can talk to Danielle. We’ll do it tomorrow when we’re calmer. Maybe she didn’t realize the clothes she took were mine or the ones she gave me would be too big for me.”
Luke’s eyes became lost in shadows. “I don’t think she was thinking of you at all.”
I sighed, letting go of him to push the collection of clothes off of my bed. I padded over to the light switch to turn the overhead lights off. I didn’t want to think about it anymore.
He seemed to understand me. He fell into the bed on top of the blanket, kicking his shoes off. I crawled in next to him. He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me close and pressing his face to my hair, my silent guardian for the night. I knew we weren’t supposed to. He was supposed to sleep in the attic. That night, I didn’t care. I hid my face in his chest.
We dared anyone to walk in on us, discover us and cause a scene. If my mother only knew, if she ever came after me when she learned the truth, everything would change. Now my sister was on the verge and could easily tip over this delicate cup to expose me and the boys. And Danielle, a girl that I’d never once said a word to yet, was leading the way to our own destruction in a silent war she would never understand.
Luke knew. I knew. This was no longer us waiting things out until it calmed over. This was us counting down the moments, waiting for the time bomb to go off.
How to dress a Girl
I dreamed of tiny green bugs slipping into my window. Thousands of them crept into my bed, smothering me.
A buzzing shocked me out of the dream. Luke grumbled next to me in the bed, his head stuffed against my shoulder. He pulled his arm from around me, reached into his back pocket and put the phone to his ear. “What?” he asked without looking at who it was calling. He was quiet to listen. In a second, he yanked himself away from me, sitting up on the bed and rubbing his f
ace. “Sorry,” he said. “Sorry. We’ll be right there.” He jabbed his thumb at the phone and turned to me. “Sang, we’re late.”
I jolted to a standing position. Late! How late? What was late? My foggy brain mushed into my neck. I hovered on the carpet, trying to pull myself together and figure out what I was supposed to do next.
Luke was on top of it. He grabbed the clothes I’d picked out and tossed them to me. “Wash up, but don’t take a full shower,” he said. “Get dressed and meet me outside. Don’t worry about your bags. I’ve got it.”
I dashed to the bathroom to wash, especially my legs, and they looked better. I put on the newly made shorts. They were beige jeans, and at least they were clean. The baggy t-shirt, covered my butt, a faded blue color and advertised a band I didn’t know.
When I opened the bathroom door, my sandals were in the hallway. I wanted to scold Luke later for risking sneaking out to leave them there for me but I knew I would forget. I slipped them onto my feet, taking the back stairs and dashing out into the garage.
Luke was waiting in the drive, a clean white shirt in place and he was stuffing his blazer on. I took my violin case and he grabbed our book bags and we ran for Kota’s.
I kept having to hike up the shorts as they felt like they were about to fall off. I was hanging my head, watching my feet. Luke jogged ahead of me. It was already warm and sticky. How did we sleep in?
Nathan and Kota were already waiting out in front of Kota’s drive. Derrick stood with them talking. I was just opening my mouth to say hello when I noticed Marie and Danielle standing together and my mouth dropped open. Luke slowed down to fall next to me, his eyes catching where mine went.
Danielle was wearing one of my own dark skirts and Luke’s blue button up shirt on top. Since she was long legged and her hips were wider than mine, the skirt looked more like a mini-skirt, barely covering her hips. The shirt was unbuttoned at her stomach, so on occasion it flew open to reveal her pale stomach. She had the buttons at her chest undone until her cleavage was exposed. She was smirking as she chatted with Marie, wearing large sunglasses that covered half of her face.
