Okay. I don’t get it, but you have a plan.
After classes I find a beautiful boxed cupcake on my desk. It must have been hiding in Levi’s suitcase. Arms dangling, I plop onto the chair and blink at it. Levi is still sending presents in pursuit of an implausible relationship. I rip open the envelope underneath.
Friend,
You were missed.
—Levi
Friend-appropriate yet affectionate. I shake my head, warmly and wearily. He is impossible. Impossibly stubborn, impossibly sweet.
What do I do?
I rub my burning eyes. After I get my work done, I can take a nap. I crawl onto my bed to get started. Legs splayed wide, I lean on either one as I study. Soon I’ll have my splits back.
Ayumi walks in. “Hey, Kit? I feel like I’m supposed to tell you something.”
I straighten. “Okay, shoot.”
“It’s not our job to figure it all out. That’s not how the worldworks. Our job is to lean into God’s presence, to love him and obey him. That’s it.”
Is this the answer to my question?
Distinguishing the difference between caution and paranoia has always been tricky for me. Like when I check class reviews and end up cross-referencing every available course. Or when I set strong passwords and then create codes so complicated that I can’t even remember them. Or when I try to learn from my dating mistakes and opt for swearing off boys forever …
I trace the edge of my book. Ayumi’s right. It’s not my job to figure it all out, and that’s a profound relief.
Lean in and obey. So, more listening to him. More waiting for God’s ideas instead of jumping in with my own ways to protect myself. More trusting him on the strategizing front.
“I’ll think on that,” I say to Ayumi. “Thank you.”
Help me wait for your plan. Help me listen. I can’t do this on my own.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Sophie and Austinchose a walk for tonight. Energy buzzes around the six of us as we circle the loop on campus. I missed our crew. Plenty of couples are out here holding hands, but our exuberant group is never intimidated by the previously romantic vibe.
Haymitch rests a hand on Sophie’s shoulder for help navigating. His baseball cap is turned backward to allow every bit of light down to his eyes. He’s been trained to notice every movement and adjust his walk accordingly, but she still calls out warnings for him like “Step down!” and “Rock!” I hate that I’ve never offered to guide him. I almost did a couple times, but I’m too chicken to breach the touch barrier. My rules are keeping me afloat, even if they are extreme.
I cover an escaping yawn. I didn’t get that nap, and I’m floating in a fog of sleep deprivation.
“I know you have your swag on,Tiguere, but try to keep up,” Mia teases.
Austin glances over his shoulder with a knowing look.
Levi winks at me to explain his speed. Always so charming—he can’t help himself.
“I got a nice surprise this morning,” I say, more mysterious than I mean.
“Oh, did you?” he says.
Against my better judgment, I run with it. “Yes, gifts keep appearing in my room.”
“Mm. Are those …welcomesurprises?”
“Oh, very. Well, they’re delicious, I mean. Whoever procures?—”
Amusement lights up his face at that word.
