I turn and go, endeavoring to keep my fists to myself. I’m so fed up with all the grief I’m getting, but I can be tenacious.
My room is empty. Austin must still be out with some girl. A new one every week—it’s starting to worry me. I should convince him to open up, but who am I to pry? Kit says I’m cagey, like her.
I have the sudden urge to grab a book I read last summer,Love Doesby Bob Goff. I thumb through the pages till I land on a portion I’d highlighted.
“But I’ve always wondered if, when we want to do something that we know is right and good, God places that desire deep in our hearts because He wants it for us and it honors Him. Maybe there are times when we think a door has been closed and, instead of misinterpreting the circumstances, God wants us to kick it down. Or perhaps just sit outside of it long enough until somebody tells us we can come in.”
Yes. That’s it. This is for me—I just know it.
Alright, I’ll sit here outside the door. Even if it’s death by a thousand cuts.
My girls and I settle in before chapel. Sophie’s evocative rendition of “Perfectly Loved” fades out when a pack of late Flooders swagger up the aisle in search of seats. Their usual spot must be full.
Leo waves enthusiastically, toothy grin widening. He’s getting more comfortable with Sophie. Austin sends us a dude head-tilt. When Levi spots me, he graces me with the most elegant of nods.He seems off, but that makes sense. The Belle conversation was the last time we spoke alone. I tuck my hands under my legs and hold his gaze. Something in me begs to send my cowardice packing. I’m sick of overthinking. I hate pushing him away.
I draw in a calming breath—time to focus on Sophie. “Leo is so into you, Sophs.”
“I’m just glad he isn’t all weird anymore.”
Sophie’s thing with him is out in the open now, so I lean around Mia and continue. “How’s it going with you two?”
Ayumi squirms next to me.
“I mean, good-ish.” She shrugs a shoulder. “The good part is, he just, like, says what he’s thinking. It’s super refreshing. He said he just liked me too much and that’s why he couldn’t talk to me. It’s cute, right? I hate the guessing games.”
The guessing games. I know too much about sabotaging a relationship with those. I want to know more about the “ish” part, but chapel is about to start. Not the time.
“That’s awesome to hear, Sophs.” Mia side-hugs her. “Except now two of you are all gushy and boy crazy.” She points a finger down her throat. “How about that nod, Kit? King Charles couldn’t be more formal than that guy. Your little alien.”
My grin drops. He isn’t my alien to claim. He can’t be. Unless something changes. Unless I change something.
Make me brave? Can I ask that?
Austin plunks down next to me in Calc III—it’s not a test day. He never sits next to me during a test because I “write too fast.” Whatever that means.
“Morning, Kit,” he says, giving me another unreadable look. I wish Sophie were here to translate.
“Good morning.” I’m about to say more when a girl from class walks over. Instead, I pull out my phone. He’ll be busy until class starts.
“Austin?” she says.
“Yo.”
“Do you … have a pencil I can borrow?” A sophomore in an engineering math course, but she doesn’t bring writing utensils to class? Doubtful.
Twelve unread messages this early in the morning. I’d bet my graphing calculator it’s our family text chain. Mom’s always been big on breakfast together before school. Even a thousand miles away, they sometimes text me while they eat, like I’m still part of the conversation. I just hope I haven’t missed my chance to join in this time.
Mav
Kit’s turn. CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE. You see two staircases. One rises into the sky. One descends into the ground. Which do you choose?
Grey
Too easy. She’s never gonna pick the path into the ground. Remember when she used to sneak into our room at night because she was scared of the dark?
Mom
She did have that archaeology phase in fourth grade.
