She chuckles.
“How is he?” My feet carry me toward the chair I recently unboxed, but I freeze as hurt and loss hit me with a one-two punch. I’ll stand by the door.
“He’s hired a reputable PR firm. Past time, of course, but you and Everett were too well behaved to warrant media intervention.” A pause. “Your early-life crisis has long since cycled out of the rumor mill, you know, but the neighbors are holding out hope for more intrigue in your twenties.”
Remarkable. She’s teasing me again. And … was that a hint of gratitude?
“Caldwell Sterling is crafting a narrative of resilience as we speak,” she continues. “Thus far, they seem perfectly competent, if not promising.”
I digest the news and jerk up. “He refused?”
“He refused.”
I lean against the door to steady myself as the pieces fall into place. “What changed his mind?” His team has offered a thousand alternative maneuvers, though they still don’t know a single detail about the people threatening him.
“I like to think I made him see the value in this course of action,” she says. “Of course, he’ll insist it was his own idea—a simple necessity for a family like ours.”
I press my head to the door as a chuckle escapes into the dark. The wave of relief is so strong it brings tears to my eyes. After all these years, he’s done hiding.
How did you do that?
Thank you.
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
Tissues are strewn about,as Levi would say, and my eyelashes have been constantly swimming for two days. Let the Lego guys know to change their song—actually, everything is awful. I wrote that letter, but I ripped it up. He can just misunderstand and hate me forever. It’ll be easier for him to move on this way. A clear path forward. I’ve spent every minute since that conversation wallowing, even in my classes, which I couldn’t make myself skip. I’ve experimented with Taylor Swift songs of every era that might succeed as a heart first aid kit. Spoiler: they don’t. Ayumi has graciously given me a lot of space. I gather the tissues around me and drop them into the trashcan, hiding the shredded remains of my letter. Curling back up in bed, I hug my knees and stare out the window.
I waver between crying and scowling, despondent or angry. When I’m angry, it’s at Levi for existing, for being excessively lovable. At Aiden. At the criminals tormenting Levi’s family. Athis father for taking out his difficulties on his sons when they were young and vulnerable. But mostly at myself—for my carelessness last year, for being broken, for dragging Levi around, for missing him so much.
Then I cry because Levi is everything I could imagine wanting and I’m too broken to manage a little trip to Miss Evelyn’s. I can’t stop thinking about his laugh—warm, rich, and unguarded. But if it wasn’t impossible enough before, now I know I’m far too much of a liability for his elite family. I stare at the ceiling and daydream about what it would be like if I could just say yes. Yes, hold hands, yes, dates, yes, honesty, yes, girlfriend, yes, hugs, yes, closeness, yes, kisses. I just want to say yes. And then I’m angry again.
I slide off the bed and settle on the floor with my back against the wall under the window. Cooler air seeps in, and the light is fading, a reminder of how long I’ve been here. Two days have crawled by since the impossibility of our relationship was doubly confirmed. I’m still stuck. I know an answer is right there in my Bible, but I can’t bring myself to open it.
My phone rings. Mav on FaceTime. I’ll call him some other time.
Answer it.
My chest warms—God and I are still on speaking terms, even when I’m being a brat.
Okay.
I wipe my face and answer the phone with a perky-ish “Hey, Mav!”
“Kitty Cat!” He’s not fooled. “Hey, talk to me.”
“I broke up with my not-boyfriend.” Sort of. Close enough.
“Oh no. That sucks, Sis. I felt like I was supposed to call you. Guess that’s why.”
That was you, huh?
“I’ll be okay.” Maybe. Probably not.
“Why’d you break up with Not-Boyfriend Dude?”
“I’m too much of a mess to keep him.” He gets more honestythan most because he never sugarcoats the truth. He couldn’t tiptoe if he needed to get by a sleeping dragon. Plus, he already knows something happened with Aiden. Not the specifics, but he lived with me all summer. For a while he’d silently appear in my room and sit in the corner until I fell asleep. Actually, he’s the perfect person to talk to right now.
Thanks for that.
