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My heart warmed. “Academy people learn different languages?”
“Academy members never turn down a challenge they really want to work on. You didn’t say it’d be too difficult or you’d learn someday. An Academy member steps up and says let’s go. You’ve got that natural drive for self-improvement. It’s a big deal.” He slid a glance at me. “Not to mention attractive.”
I was grateful for the dimness in the car, and hoped he couldn’t see me as I was sure I was blushing. I fingered the screen of his phone. “I think I might like to join the Academy, if I can.”
“You could do that.”
I tilted my head at him, confused by the way he worded it. “Kota doesn’t want me to,” I said carefully.
“I know.” He stared off out at the road ahead of us, twisting the wheel to take a slight turn.
“What do you think?”
He pressed his lips together. He was quiet for such a long time that I wondered if he was going to answer. “I don’t want to make that choice for you.”
“What do you mean?”
“If you join, I want you to join our group. And if you join our group, we do pretty intensive jobs. We do stuff some of the rest of the Academy can’t do.”
“What do you mean?”
“We all have our talents,” he said. His hands twisted at the wheel. “Our group is pretty unique, even for Academy standards. But if you work with us, it means putting you in danger. If something happened to you, I’d feel responsible.”
“It wouldn’t be your fault. I get to choose to join the Academy or not, right?”
“But you’re already asking my opinion,” he said. “It would be hard enough to stand aside and let you, because I know what could happen if you did.”
“Nothing dangerous could happen, though, right?”
“Something dangerous is already happening, aggele mou,” he said. “I feel bad enough that I want you with me ... with us. It’s not just this guy we’re trying to track now. You’re on the outside and you’re still closer than a lot of people. Our own families don’t know half of the stuff we do and go through. You’re seeing it right in front of you.”
“I don’t know what you’re doing when you do Academy things, though. You guys disappear.”
“It’s to protect you, Sang.” His eyes slid back to mine, the dark pools catching a glint in the glow from the dash. “I want you safe. I know the others do, too. I want you nearby because I think I can keep you that way, but if I’m wrong, I don’t know what I would do. You joining the Academy would allow me to protect you more, but being on the inside means there’ll be more to protect you from. So I don’t know what to tell you and I don’t want to make that decision for you.”
I picked my feet up off the floor, curling up in the seat. “What if I join and I’m protecting you?”
Silas chuckled. “Protect me from what?”
I knew what he was asking. I had no idea what I could do to help. His point brought up things I’d been wondering about. If I were to join the Academy, what purpose would I serve? I didn’t know my place with them yet. Where could I belong with the Academy? Why would they want someone like me?
I shrugged. “From whatever hurts you.”
His smile softened. He let go of the wheel, driving with one hand. His free hand found mine in my lap. He held it with his on top of the middle console. Our fingers intertwined. “Spoken like a true Academy girl.”
Silas had held my hand before, during school and after. I’d gotten a little used to it. Now, in the near dark, isolated on a quiet road, I felt the fluttering in my stomach as though it were the first time he’d touched me. The feeling was different, though. Significantly warmer. His large hand enveloped mine.
It also left me feeling unsure. I was trying to trust them. I wanted to let go and assume they knew what they were doing. I also felt an incredible weight of guilt. Not that I really considered any of us to be boyfriend and girlfriend. To me, we were friends, until they told me otherwise. Maybe we went out on dates. Maybe they held my hand. In a secret corner of my heart, I wanted to believe that maybe it meant something with one of them. Still, when Victor said we were close, when North kissed my fingers, or when Kota nuzzled me with his nose or Nathan bit my fingers, I had the sinking feeling I was letting them go too far. I wondered when that line would be crossed; when they’d be jealous, and I hadn’t known to stop.
And I didn’t want to think of the answer, because my only solution right now was to simply choose one and get it over with. But what if it didn’t work out? Would we resent being around each other? I knew the answer to that. If one of them did end up in a bad fight with me that caused a rift, I knew the others would turn on me, too. I was the new one. They were friends and had been since they were young. Their loyalties were far deeper.
So my only solution was to wait. Only, the longer I waited, the harder it was becoming to keep my feelings in check. We’re just friends was my mantra, and it felt heavy, like the darkest lie I never wanted to shine the light on. I would lock it away to protect us all.
But I couldn’t help but enjoy his touch. I wanted it to last.
“You should try a text message again,” he said, reeling me in from my deep thoughts. “Just in case the first one didn’t go through. I don’t like that he’s not answering.”
“He wouldn’t be in trouble, right?”
Silas chuckled. He squeezed my hand a little. “Probably not. He’s a familiar face on that campus. He attends a few lectures with Kota on occasion. If he’s in trouble, he knows where to go.”
I thought about pulling my hand away, but I didn’t want to release him. I used my free hand to hold the phone. I typed a message in with my thumb.
Silas: Are you there?
I had Silas approve the message before sending.
I dropped the phone into my lap again but then it started buzzing. I picked it up, illuminating the screen.
Sang: Yes. Silas?
I blinked at the message. Should I tell him who’s texting?
“What’s wrong?” Silas asked. I showed him the phone. His eyebrows shot up. “He knows you’re with me so he’s checking which one has the phone since you sent something that sounded like me for you. Tell him I’m driving but you’re texting but don’t tell him who you are.”
Silas: He’s driving. I just wanted to make it sound like I was him.
Sang: I was going to get after him for texting and driving. This is Sang, right? You didn’t pick anyone else up, did you?
I showed Silas the message and he nodded. “I guess it’s okay to be yourself. He needs to make sure you are who you say you are, too.”
Silas: It’s Sang. So messages are coming through?
There was a longer wait this time but a reply returned.
Sang: Yes. Where are you going?
Silas: There’s a road going outside of Charleston. I’m not exactly sure the name.
Sang: You’re okay?
Silas: Yes.
Sang: Will you stop and wait for me?
Silas: You mean stop the car?
Sang: Yes. I’m coming to you. Wait there. Leave the phone on. I’ll find you.
Why would he have us drive out this far and then tell us to stop? He was warning us not to stay still before. How was he going to get to us? Where would he get another car? “Silas?” I picked up the phone to show him the screen. “He wants us to stop.”
His head tilted, glancing at what Victor had written. “He’s probably got some crazy computer phone hacking plan.”
Silas didn’t seem surprised that Victor could get to us without a car. Did Victor have another one? How would he get to it when his house was a few miles away from the university where we’d dropped him off? I wanted to ask, but Silas didn’t seem to question it, so I assumed I shouldn’t either.
It was another half mile before ther
e was the start of a farm road. Silas pulled into it, turned the car around until it was parked on the grass off the side of the road, underneath a large live oak tree.
Silas cut the engine. The night chill started to seep in. In front of us was the road we’d come from, nothing around us but farm fields. We had a clear view of the oncoming road. If Victor drove by, he could see us.
Silas sat back, unbuckling his seat belt and heaving a sigh. “Good thing we’re not going to school tomorrow.”
“You’ll miss football practice.”
“Not really worried about my football career right now. Or ever.” He held a hand out, palm up toward me. I dropped my hand into his again and he curled his fingers around my palm. “Victor was telling me what you said you wanted for your birthday.”
With the dashboard lights out, now it was just a half moon glowing into the car. I stared at his shape, his eyes were just outlines to me now in the dark. “You mean like a birthday card?” I asked, just to be amusing because that was one of the things I’d asked them for.
“That you just wanted to go out.”
I nodded. “I really can’t think of anything I want that’s a thing to buy. I’d rather just hang out. Let’s do something you like to do.”
He squeezed my hand softly once. “I’d take you to a baseball game like I promised, but the next one is the World Series, and we’re kind of busy right now.”
I perked up. I didn’t know where the World Series was being held, but was school the only reason we couldn’t go? Or because we were dealing with the phone stalker? “Maybe we can watch it on television. I haven’t been able to catch up on the season.”
“The Red Sox aren’t playing,” he said, as if warning I might be disappointed that our favorite team wasn’t going to be at the game.
“Were you going to watch it?”
“Probably.”
“Let’s do that.”
He was quiet for a moment. I thought he was smiling but it was hard to tell in the dark. He released my hand, and clutched at the console in the middle. He lifted it, putting the seat up. He held his arms out to me. “Come here.”
He pushed a button below the seat to have it move back. I thought maybe he wanted me to sit next to him, but as I started to scoot over into the middle, his hands found my hips. He pulled me into his lap until my back was against the driver’s side door. He kept his arm against the door, providing a cushion for my back. I drew my feet in until my heels were pressed up against his thigh.
