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“I told you about Cora. She’s my old landlady and my friend. Her caregiver is going to be out of town and she doesn’t have anyone else to keep an eye on her.”
He pauses again. “So you’re going back to your old apartment?”
“Chris, I’m going to Cora’s apartment. I’m only going because he’s not there. If he were there, he would be the one checking on her.”
It really bugs me that I don’t feel I can speak Adam’s name around Chris, but I understand feeling like you despise someone so much you don’t even want to hear their name. I feel that way about Joanie Tipton and, though I don’t know his name, I feel that way about my father. I hope I never know his name.
“I trust you, babe. I guess I’ll just have to go see you during the week. I’ll help you study.”
Study is Chris’s code word for oral sex. He used it all the time when we were together. The thought of his mouth on me is enough to make me squirm in my seat.
“I’ll call you when I get there.”
“No, call me when you go to bed so I can sing you to sleep. I love you.”
“Love you, too.”
I pull the phone away from my ear to plug it into the stereo and I already have a text message from Chris.
Chris: The song is called Pieces of You. I wrote it for you and Abby.
The closer I get to Wrightsville Beach, the tighter the knots in my stomach become. By the time I pull into the parking lot at my old apartment complex, I feel as if I might vomit. I turn off my car and pull my feet up onto the seat so I can hug my knees. My entire body is shaking with nervous energy as memories of Adam come back to me: all the conversations we had while sitting in his truck in this parking space; all the eye roll inducing jokes he told me while hanging out in his apartment; all the times he touched me or kissed me and made me feel like the most beautiful person in the world. Adam and I were only together for eight weeks and we’ve been broken up for four weeks, but I can’t deny how much I miss him and how happy he made me.
I meditate for twenty minutes before I get out of the car. The breeze rolling in from the ocean smells like my old life, but it brings with it a slight chill. I button up my jean jacket and heave my backpack over my shoulder before I set off for Cora’s.
It’s almost seven p.m. If Tina already checked in on Cora today, she’ll be gone by now, which means that I may have to wait upwards of ten minutes for Cora to answer her door. I knock on the door three times and stuff my hands into my pockets to keep them warm. My hand hits my phone and I think of Chris’s text message. I pull my phone out of my pocket while I wait—to gaze at the name of the song he wrote for me. When Cora’s door opens, I drop my phone on the concrete. It’s Adam.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Claire
I CAN’T BREATHE. MY SKIN breaks out in a cold sweat as my fingers go numb.
“Oh, shit!” he says, and this is the last thing I hear before I pass out.
I open my eyes and I can hardly see anything through the darkness, but I can feel the scratchy fabric of Cora’s sofa under my cheek. I blink a few times and her living room slowly comes into focus.
“How are you feeling?”
His voice is both startling and comforting. I turn my head toward the sound and he’s kneeling on the carpet not far from my feet. I’m torn between throwing my arms around his neck and kicking him for breaking my heart.
Cora clears her throat and I turn my head in the other direction. “You almost took a nasty spill there, honey. Good thing Adam was here to catch you.”
I sit up slowly and he shifts a little so I don’t hit him with my legs. Just that small movement and I can smell him. He took a shower recently. I recognize the scent of his shampoo and it actually makes me want to cry. I want to pull my knees up to my face again, but I’m wearing a dress and Adam is kneeling almost directly in front of me. I stand quickly and he stands up right after me.
“Claire, we need to talk.”
“Did you trick me into coming here?”
His skin is more tanned than when he left and I’m suddenly angry as I picture him surfing and frolicking on the beach while I suffered through four weeks of self-doubt.
“I just want to talk to you.” He takes a step toward me and I take a step back, almost falling back onto the sofa, but I manage to regain my balance. “Are you feeling okay?”
“I’m fine.” I turn to Cora, who’s sitting in her recliner with Bigfoot in her lap as usual. “I came here for you, Cora.”
I stride toward her and give her a big hug. She pats my arm weakly and I try not to cry as I look into her eyes and see the fatigue.
“Senia wanted me to give you a big hug from her,” I say as I kneel next to the recliner and scratch Bigfoot’s head. He purrs softly and this makes Cora smile.
“You tell Senia I saw a beautiful dress that would look perfect on her. This girl looked just like Senia and she wore the most beautiful dress to her wedding. Of course, they ended up throwing her in a koi pond at the reception and ruining it, but it was so perfect for her.”
Cora’s more than a little obsessed with the TV show Bridezillas. She thinks it’s the most hilarious thing, women having nervous breakdowns over the color of a dress or the flavor of a cake. She loves to tell the story of how she and her husband, Frank, got married more than sixty years ago in a tiny chapel in Minnesota. She wore a dress that she made herself and he wore the suit his father got married in almost thirty years earlier.
“We had holes in our clothes and our shoes, but our hearts were finally whole,” Cora likes to say whenever she tells the story.
I glance at Adam for just a second and his eyes are locked on mine. My brain knows that he did what he thought I needed, but my heart feels utterly betrayed by him.
I continue stroking Bigfoot’s head as I avoid looking in Adam’s direction. “Well, I’m here now, so you can go.”
“I’m not leaving until you talk to me.”
“Adam, that’s no way to speak to a lady,” Cora chides him.
“I’m sorry. You’re right, Cora.” He looks me in the eye again, but his expression softens. “Please come upstairs so we can talk.”
“That’s much better,” Cora says with a smile. “You two go on ahead. My show’s coming on soon.”
My hand shakes as I grab the remote off of Cora’s wooden TV tray table and point it at the television to make sure it’s on the right channel. I set the remote down and I can’t believe how anxious I feel. This is Adam. This is the guy who picked me up off the floor when I was broken and carried me until I was ready to walk again.
I make my way to the door and Adam kisses the top of Cora’s head before he follows me.
“Goodnight, Cora. I’ll be by in the morning. Make sure you have my steak and eggs ready.”
“Don’t you worry. Bigfoot knows just how you like your steak. Goodnight, sonny.”
I can’t help but smile before the sadness of how much I’ve missed Cora and Adam comes rushing back to me. I wait near the front door to my old apartment as he locks Cora’s door. He turns around and my heart pounds at the sight of his beauty. The sun is almost down, but the faint warm glow of the sunset makes his golden skin glow.
He gives me a soft smile and I close my eyes so I can’t see his face while I think of how he broke my heart and how it would destroy him to know what I did with Chris five days ago.
“Claire, please look at me.”
I take a deep breath as I open my eyes and he’s closer, just a couple of feet away, and staring down at me with that intense look in his eyes.
“You hurt me.”
“I’m sorry. I know I fucked up, but I came back for you. I quit my job.”
“You quit your job?”
“I quit. I took the job in Raleigh and I’m moving in two weeks.”
His green eyes search mine for a sign of forgiveness, but I don’t know what to say. I can’t tell him I wish he had come back a week ago.
“Am I too late?” he asks as the muscle in his jaw twitches.
I want to tell him the truth, but I can’t bear to place the image of Chris and me together in his head.
“I don’t know.”
He looks confused. “What do you mean, you don’t know?”
I shake my head. “I just… I was so hurt and I thought you had given up on me. I mean, I’m a mess. I’ve got more baggage than any person should be allowed to carry.”
“And I’m strong enough to carry it. I just got a little scared, but it wasn’t because of your baggage. I’m fucked up, too. It had nothing to do with that. It had everything to do with what I heard in your voice that night you called me at one in the morning. You needed me there and I felt so fucking helpless because I couldn’t give you what you needed. I didn’t want to keep disappointing you like that.”
“How could you ever think that? You never disappointed me until you left me.”
He steps forward and takes my face in his hands. His hands are warm and I close my eyes to breathe in his scent. His lips are soft as he presses them against my forehead. The lump in my throat makes it impossible to speak as the first tears begin to fall. He kisses each of my eyelids and I grab his forearms to steady myself. His arms are so smooth and solid, exactly the way I remember them. I open my eyes as he plants a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth.
“I’m so fucking sorry. I promise I will never hurt you again.” He kisses the tip of my nose then the other corner of my mouth. “I promise I’ll make it up to you. I love you,” he whispers against my lips, but he doesn’t kiss me.
