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has just finished drying on the concrete below us. We should get back to the car before we get soaked.
I stand up and Chris does the same. “I want to go back to the hotel and sleep on it. The wedding isn’t until midnight on Tuesday. That’s over two days away. We can catch a flight tomorrow night instead of tomorrow morning, if I do decide to see him in the morning. Is that okay?”
I can’t decide if he looks disappointed or worried. “Like I said, we’ll do whatever you want. As long as we’re back in Vegas by Tuesday morning, Rachel will just have to deal with it.”
“Oh, that’s right. She wants to have brunch with your mom and me tomorrow,” I say as I sneak closer to him. “Well, Senia’s not getting there until Tuesday morning, so it’s not like I’m going to be the last one there.”
“She’ll get over it.”
“You look worried. Are you that afraid of Rachel?”
He grabs my face and his hands are warm despite how cold it is out here. “I always worry about you. I just want you to be happy.”
He kisses my cheekbone so softly that it tickles and I grin stupidly. He smiles and my breath catches in my chest.
“You’re so beautiful,” I whisper and he chuckles. “Really, you are. Sometimes, I watch you sleep.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do. And I caught you feeling me up the other night.”
“Shut up.”
“Oh, right. That was me who was feeling you up. Sorry.”
I wrap my arms tightly around his neck and squeeze him as hard as I can. “Take me home.”
“To the hotel?”
“I don’t care, just take me with you.”
He lifts me off the ground and tilts his head back so he can look me in the eye. “What are you going to do when I’m gone?”
“Wherever you go, I go.”
We walk Jackie to her hotel room even though she insists she doesn’t need us to escort her. It’s weird that I’ve known Joel less than a week, but I already find myself wishing he were here to keep her company. It may be too soon to say this, but Joel may be the missing piece our family has been waiting for.
After we shower and Chris texts his assistant to change the time of our flight, we settle down in bed. The hotel room is too cold for me, but Chris always complains about how hot he gets when I’m snuggled up next to him. It doesn’t bother me one bit. I spent more than a year craving his body next to mine. I’m never letting go again.
“Do you ever wonder what life would have been like if you had come on tour with me?” he asks.
I trace my finger lightly over his chest in a figure-eight pattern as I contemplate this question. “I thought about it almost every day.”
“Do you think you’ll go on tour with me this summer?”
The uncertainty in his voice kills me and I can’t keep this secret any longer. “Chris, I’ll go on tour with you tomorrow, if that’s what you want. I changed my classes for next semester. I’m taking all my classes online.”
He sits up suddenly and, even through the darkness, I can see the incredulous look on his face. “You can’t do that.”
“Yes, I can. And don’t tell me I can’t.” I sit up so I can look him in the eye. “Do you have any idea what it feels like knowing that one of the reasons I gave up Abigail was so that you wouldn’t have to give up your career and here we are without Abigail and you on the verge of giving everything up? Have you any clue how that makes me feel? I feel like a failure. I failed her and you.”
“Don’t say that. Don’t even think that.”
“I can’t help thinking it. This is the only way to stop feeling like it was all in vain. Please let me do this.”
“Fuck,” he whispers as he shakes his head. “I don’t feel good about this.”
“But I do.”
I reach for his face and he kisses the palm of my hand. “How did I get so fucking lucky? I don’t feel like I deserve this.”
“When I told Dr. Goldberg that I wanted to do this, he laughed. I don’t think I’ve ever heard that man laugh.”
“Why did he laugh?”
“I couldn’t figure out why he kept cheering us on. Every time I told him I was moving forward with you, I kept expecting him to tell me to slow down, that I’m not ready.” I sigh as I think of Goldberg’s words. “He told me his wife, the one who died eight years ago, was his first love. And she got sick before they had children. He said that if he could go back and change one thing in his life, he would have given up his practice before she got sick so they could have enjoyed the time they had together while she was healthy.” I grab his face so he knows how serious I am. “I don’t want to let time get away from us. I can study from anywhere in the world. I don’t need to stay here. The only reason I went to UNC was because of the scholarship. But I talked to my advisor and I can still use the scholarship for the online classes.”
“You don’t even need the scholarship. You should donate it to someone else who needs it.”
“Is that a yes?”
He pulls my hands off his face and smiles. “How could I ever say no to you?”
I throw my arms around his neck as I climb into his lap. “I’m so happy.”
He nuzzles his face in my neck and the softness of his lips against my skin comforts me. His hands slide under my T-shirt and glide over my skin. His erection grows beneath me, feeding my hunger for him.
“Did you start?” he whispers as he kisses his way up my neck to the back of my ear.
“Start what?”
“Your period.”
“Oh, shit.”
He pulls away and he’s smiling even though he looks confused. “How late are you?”
I think for a moment. “Five days.”
He lifts me up off his lap and sets me on the bed. “I have to make a phone call.”
“Who are you calling?”
“Concierge.”
An hour later, a very embarrassed bellhop brings up an unmarked brown paper bag containing three different brands of pregnancy tests and two large bottles of water. Chris tips him well before we race to the bathroom.
“You can’t be in here,” I insist as I twist open the cap on the first bottle of water then guzzle it down.
“Let me read the instructions, to make sure you do it right.”
“You are not going to watch me piss on a stick!”
“Just let me read the instructions.”
He reads all the instructions for each test and quizzes me until he’s satisfied I know what I’m doing.
“You’re such a pain in the ass,” I say as I push him out of the restroom.
“I want to have sex tonight. I’d love to do it without a condom.”
“Get out. I have to pee.”
I can hear him laughing as I close the door behind him. Luckily, I drank enough water to supply all three tests with the right amount of fluid. After I wash up, I unlock the door and let Chris inside.
“All three tests in one shot? That’s talent.”
“I’m nervous.”
I sit on the toilet and Chris kneels before me. “Why? Are you afraid of being pregnant?”
“I’m nervous that it’s going to say I’m not pregnant and then what? Maybe I haven’t gotten my period because something is wrong with me? What if I have a tumor or something?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” he insists.
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do.” The look in his eyes is almost daring me to challenge him on this.
“How long has it been?” I ask.
“Let me check.” He stands up and grabs the first test off the counter while I watch his face anxiously for a sign. He’s serious as he picks up the second and third tests. Then he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. The silence kills me. Then a tear rolls down his cheek and I feel as if I might be sick.
“We’re having a baby,” he whispers.
I shoot to my feet so I can
get a better look at the results. “Really?”
He opens his eyes to look at me and I haven’t seen Chris cry since his grandfather died three years ago. Just the sight of it takes my breath away. I grab his face and lean my forehead against his as I attempt to catch my breath.
“I didn’t think it would feel like this,” he whispers.
“Like what?”
“Like the happiest day of my life.”
