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They shake hands then Lindsay looks over her shoulder, presumably searching for Adam. There are too many people for me to pick him out, but Lindsay quickly squeezes through the river of bodies flowing behind her. He’s standing at the booth across from us; another radio station.
I look up at Claire and I don’t know why I’m surprised to find her looking at me. “Crazy,” I whisper. “Did you see my princess give Kaia her autograph?”
Claire runs her fingers through Jimi’s hair and I can feel her body instantly relax. “My beautiful girl,” Claire says. “She learned from the best.”
Epilogue #3
Claire
Chris’s hand lands on the back of my thigh as I stroke Jimi’s hair. When you’re with someone as long as Chris and I have been together; when you’ve shared so many things that there are no boundaries, physically or emotionally, a simple touch on the back of the leg can go unnoticed because it’s second-nature. Chris’s body is as much mine as it is his. And my body is as much his as it is mine. The same way it is with every part of him and every aspect of the lives we share. I try to remind myself of this every day. I hope I never take his touch, his kiss, his words, or his love for granted.
The baby kicks inside me, as if he can sense that his daddy is near. Chris didn’t want to know the sex of this baby. He said, “I have my princess and my monster. Anything that comes out next will be a Knight, which will complete the set.” But I had to know. Because of the complications Abigail had with her heart, I’ve obsessed over all three pregnancies. So I cherish every kick and every roll I feel inside of me.
I grab Chris’s hand off the back of my leg and move it onto my belly so he can feel it, too. He smiles as he waits for it.
“Claire?”
Chris and I look up at the same time and Adam is standing there with Lindsay and Kaia. There’s a sleeping baby strapped to
his chest and a gleam in his eyes as he grabs the back of Lindsay’s neck. Chris stands up and switches Jimi to his other arm so he can hold out his right hand.
The handshake happens in slow motion. Chris’s hand reaches forward and Adam looks a bit surprised as he removes his hand from Lindsay’s neck to shake Chris’s hand. They’re both smiling and they nod at each other and say something I can’t quite hear. How’s it going, or something like that. As their hands come apart, Adam’s hand moves right back to where it was before, on the back of Lindsay’s neck.
A simple touch.
Adam’s face is the same, except for a few new crinkles at the corners of his eyes. He must be thirty or thirty-one now. I look down at Junior’s head where it rests on my shoulder. My monster is bored out of his mind and dying to get into the water.
“Are you hungry, baby?” I ask him, and he nods as I switch him to my other hip.
My boy is getting too big for me to carry him for long periods of time.
Chris sets Jimi down on the sand and takes Junior from me as he steps away from the chair. “Sit down, babe.” As soon as I sit down, Jimi immediately tries to climb into my lap. “Give mommy a break, princess,” Chris says, taking her hand to pull her away.
“It’s okay,” I say, grabbing her and sitting her on my knee so she’s facing the crowd.
“How have you been?” Adam asks as he flashes Jimi a smile.
I can’t see Jimi’s face, so I don’t know if she returns the smile.
When she’s home, Jimi is so outgoing, and even a terror. But she tends to get shy around strangers. I’m happy she wants to take dance lessons. I’m hoping this will help her come out of her shell. She’s a lot like me. She’s sensitive. She experiences the world with her emotional volume turned all the way up. This is why she’s daddy’s princess.
Junior, on the other hand, is the most easy-going three-year-old boy ever to grace this Earth. He is his father. He’s fearless and loving and he can be quite protective of his big sister. I only call him my monster because he thinks it’s so funny. A more accurate nickname for him would be my sunshine.
“We’re good,” I reply as I brush Jimi’s hair over her ear and resisting the urge to ask Adam why he wasn’t at Cora’s funeral three years ago. “Just expecting our third in six weeks and enjoying some time off before Chris starts the promo stuff for the new album. How are you two doing?”
I look at Lindsay when I say this and she smiles, the same mildly uncomfortable smile I remember from the last day I saw her six and a half years ago.
“We’re doing well,” Lindsay replies and she looks to Adam to finish filling us in.
“When we’re not traveling, we’re living here in Carolina Beach to be close to our families, but we still make the drive out to Durham every so often so Kaia can see her Grandma and Grandpa Jennings.”
I would never guess that Kaia was not his. Except for the fact that her blonde hair is curly and her lips are a bit fuller than Adam’s, she looks like Adam and Lindsay’s biological daughter. It makes me insanely happy to know that Kaia still has Nathan’s family in her life. I wish my mother’s family had been there for me after her death.
“Hormones,” I say with a smile as I wipe a tear from my eye. “She’s beautiful.”
Chris kisses the top of my head and whispers, “Are you okay, babe?”
I nod as Jimi looks back at me over her shoulder. Suddenly, I’m reminded of why I was advised to quit the caseworker position I was offered straight out of UNC. It was impossible for me not to become emotionally involved when everything still reminds me of my mother.
I’m hoping that tonight’s outing with Chris and Jimi will ease some of that latent heartache. My therapist thinks sharing my love for my mother with my baby girl is important for me to feel close to Jimi. I took that advice to mean that the love shared between a parent and child can transcend and heal generations the more it is shared.
With Rachel and Jake not answering their phones, we may not even get to go stargazing. But we’ll still get to spend the night in Cary in our house, with all the memories we’ve created. My mom would be happy if she could see us.
I grab Jimi’s chubby cheeks and plant a loud kiss on her forehead, which she quickly wipes away.
“Well, we should let you get back to work,” Lindsay says and Adam nods in agreement. “It was so nice seeing you all.”
“You, too,” I reply as an irresistible impulse bubbles up inside me. “If you guys ever get the urge to visit Wrightsville, we’re in the yellow beach house, three houses south of the pier. We’ll be there for another three weeks.”
“Yeah, we’re having a kid-friendly dinner thing next Saturday. You all should come,” Chris says, and my heart swells with pride.
Adam looks a little confused by this hospitality coming from Chris, but I’m not. Chris has never been the type of person to hold a grudge. I think of the tattoo on the back of his neck: What we think, we become. Chris always chooses to see the goodness in others and, in turn, his goodness shines through.
Adam and Lindsay look to each other, silently communicating, and I can’t help but smile. In the years following the breakup, I would remember things that made me realize that he never got over Lindsay. We were both using each other as bandages to cover our wounds. Somehow, we still found our way home. This is evident by the way Adam and Lindsay communicate so effortlessly—like Chris and me.
“Sounds great,” Adam says, addressing Chris. “I guess we’ll see you guys later. Enjoy the festival.”
“You, too,” I reply. “Bye, Kaia.”
She smiles shyly then they all walk away, disappearing into the stream of people moving through the maze of booths. I look up at Chris and his expression is serious.
“That was hard.”
“But you did exactly what you always said you’d do,” I reply as I think back on all the conversations Chris and I have had about the time he almost lost me.
He always said that if we ever ran into Adam, he would invite him over for dinner as a way of thanking him for bringing us back together. I’ve always been skeptical of this, but Chris proved himself today.
“Because I love you more than this.”
And by “this” he means everything.
