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She plays with Caleb for a few more minutes, then she heads into the bathroom to warm up her vocal folds. She insists on doing this in the bathroom. She thinks it’s rude to do it in a roomful of people.
She comes out of the bathroom a few minutes later, as I’m walking Caleb up and down the narrow space running along the center of the trailer. She sits back down in the makeup chair and she suddenly begins to tear up.
“Honey, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she insists, grabbing a tissue off the makeup counter and dabbing at the corners of her eyes. “I just had a bad vision that I messed up the performance and I let Caleb down.”
“Oh, Abby. You could never let him down. Wherever he is, he is so proud of you.” I pull Caleb up into my arms and settle him down on my hip. “You’ve done more with his heart than I’m sure he ever imagined you would do. And I’m sure whatever you have planned for today is going to go perfectly. And if you mess up, I’m sure Caleb will be looking down on you, pointing and laughing.”
She lets out a puff of laughter as she wipes her eyes. “You’re right. He’d be happy just to see me sitting here talking to you. Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me.”
“Yes, I do. I have to thank you. Without you, my parents wouldn’t be standing in the front row tonight. Without Chris, I wouldn’t even be on that stage. I love you, Mom.”
“I never get tired of hearing you call me that. I love you, sweetheart.”
I lean in to kiss her forehead, then I remember I’m wearing lipstick. But when I pull back, Caleb has a chunk of Abby’s hair in his hand.
“Oh, no.”
I unfurl his fat fingers from around her hair and she smiles as I step back. Then she reaches down and grabs Caleb’s hand to walk him up and down the narrow corridor, as I was doing a few minutes ago.
I wish I could tell Abby how much Chris longs to hear her call him Dad. But I know she’ll do it when she’s ready. She and Chris have spent most of their time together working. I imagine it must be difficult for her to separate all the roles he plays in her life.
As if he can hear my thoughts, Chris enters just as the makeup artist arrives to touch up Abby’s makeup. But Abby ignores her. And she’s too engrossed in Caleb to see Chris. But Chris’s eyes are locked on her, and only one thought crosses my mind.
I don’t think there’s anyone in this world who loves Abby as fiercely as he does. And you don’t need to hold the title Dad to be someone’s father. Just as you don’t need to be someone’s father to hold the title Dad. But when your Dad and your father are both Chris Knight, you can be sure that you’re the luckiest girl on the planet.
IT WAS DIFFICULT for Claire to accept that I need to be on the road with Abby this summer. Especially since her forty-first birthday is coming in August, which is also the twenty-fifth anniversary of our first kiss. But she claims she’s okay with it now. As long as I’m back before the New Year, our twentieth wedding anniversary.
Where did the time go?
There were so many years, so many endless nights, where it seemed the time would never pass by fast enough to make it to Abby’s eighteenth birthday. Now, two years after she walked through my front door, I just want time to slow down. I’m afraid I’ll wake up tomorrow and thirty years will have passed, and I’ll be scratching my head, wishing I had done more.
But I know this fast-paced life, the long hours in the studio and the touring, will all pay off for Abby. And in a couple of years, I’ll be able to sit back in my recliner and watch her singing the national anthem at the Super Bowl. And I’ll smile and say, “That’s my princess.”
The sound check went great, now I just have to get a good-luck kiss from Claire and this show is sure to go off without a hitch. I race down the steps backstage and make a beeline for Abby’s trailer. When I enter, I’m not surprised to find Claire watching as Abby walks little Caleb up and down the tight corridor in the middle of the trailer.
I must admit that I felt vindicated when our fifth child turned out to be a boy. We now outnumber the girls in the house. We have strength in numbers. And it seemed natural that we should let Abby name him, since he was the spark of hope on the horizon for quite a while after Caleb’s death.
“Oh, I can’t take it. I can’t resist those chubby legs!” She scoops him up in her arms and he giggles as she turns him upside-down and gently bites his leg. “Yum!”
There is no sound as beautiful as a child’s laughter, but I know the song Abby is going to sing today is going to come pretty damn close. She hands Caleb over to Claire and he laughs as she plants a loud kiss on his cheek.
Claire steps out of the way so Abby can sit down in the makeup chair and the makeup girl scoots around her to do one last touch-up on Abby’s face. Abby closes her eyes as a fine dusting of powder is applied to her forehead and cheeks, and I wonder what she’s thinking. I hope she’s not too nervous.
She’s been playing smaller venues for the past seven months in preparation of this album launch. The album released last Tuesday and she’s been freaking out for the past four days as she watched the first single, “Chasing Abby,” hit the Billboard top ten in its first week. But she’s never performed the song live. She wanted to wait until today’s show in Raleigh before she unveils something she’s been working on for four months with her new boyfriend.
It was odd to me when Abby told me she was dating someone new. I’ve been wanting her to move on after Caleb’s death, but I didn’t realize how much Caleb had gotten under my skin until Abby told me about her new beau.
Five months ago, I hired Jaxon Stone to work as a lighting technician on the Chasing Abby Tour. About a month after I hired him, I began noticing Jaxon and Abby sneaking off to have private discussions. At first I didn’t think anything of it. I thought they were just discussing ideas for the lighting. Then, I noticed how sullen Abby looked when Jaxon wasn’t around and Jaxon was the same whenever Abby was gone. Finally, I asked Abby what was going on between them and her answer surprised me even more.
“Jaxon is helping me plan a tribute to Caleb.”
The smile on her face told me there was more to it than that, but I don’t think Abby had admitted this to herself by then. Another month passed and Jaxon was sent away for a couple of weeks to work on a show in Savannah. I saw Abby twice during those two weeks and I’ve never seen her look so distracted. She was missing marks on the stage, which caused feedback in her earpiece. And the feedback would send her far off pitch. Once Jaxon returned, everything went back to normal. That’s when I decided to pull them both aside and find out what was going on.
Like two kids in the principal’s office, they both hung their heads when I took them backstage to talk. It took a little coaxing, but eventually they admitted that they were seeing each other outside work. I was skeptical at first. I didn’t think it would last more than a month or two. Until I saw what Jaxon and Abby have been planning for tonight’s show. I knew then they must be in love. For Jaxon to help her plan this tribute to Caleb and fo
r Abby to allow him to help her tells me they’ve put a great deal of trust in each other.
The makeup girl finishes powdering Abby’s face, and she slides off the chair and turns to me. “I’m so nervous.”
I step forward and hold my hand out to her. She reaches out and I pull her into a hug. Her arms wrap around my waist and I kiss her forehead.
“You have nothing to be nervous about. Even if you mess up, I’m sure people will be too busy wiping away their tears to notice.” I stroke her hair as I hold her close, reveling in the sensation of her heart beating against my chest. “You ready, princess?”
She shakes her head, so I hold her a while longer until she’s so calm I can no longer feel her heart pounding. When she lets me go, I’m surprised to see her smiling.
She lays a soft kiss on my cheek and shrugs. “I guess it’s showtime.”
I kiss Claire and Caleb, then Abby and I set off through the crowd of crew members scurrying about the grassy field behind the stage. As we approach the steps leading up to the stage, the hum of the crowd gets louder. We stop at the bottom of the stairs and Abby looks around for Jaxon. Within minutes, he comes bounding out of a pack of lighting techs and Abby sighs with relief as she turns to me.
“Good luck, baby.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
