“It’s true. I push what I think is best for you without considering your wants. I am sorry for that, but I’m a parent. I’ll always want the best. Please know that my desire for your eyesight to be fixed doesn’t mean I thinkyouneed to be fixed.”
“What if I’m fine with my vision as it is?”
“That’s what you want? What you need?”
“Yes.”
She heaves a long sigh. “Then I’ll stop.”
"Thank you.”
Her arms wrap around me, pulling me into a tight hug. A sweet lavender scent from her perfume and the soothing strokes of her palms against my back eased the tension spooled tight in my muscles. Today is the first step of many. I don’t doubt a future of missteps and wrong turns, but for the first time ever I’m hopeful that we’re in this together.
After a few moments, I pull away. Both of us are swiping at our faces.
"Knock, knock,” Charlie greets us, slipping through the still open front door.
“I thought you were going to grab a coffee in town?” Mom twists to face him.
Charlie pats his back pocket. “Hard to do when my wallet is still in your purse.”
"If you’d use that fanny pack I bought you, this wouldn’t keep happening,” she tuts with a cheeky lilt as she digs into her bag.
He tips his head to me. “Hey, Pen.”
“Hey, Charlie.” I wave.
“Whose black BMW X5 M is parked in your driveway?” He lets out an impressed whistle. “It’s a beauty.”
“Rowan’s.” My eyes drag to the ajar front door. “Wait, his car is still here?”
Grabbing my cane, I slip past Charlie, my pulse roaring, and run down the two short steps. Rowan’s SUV remains parked in the driveway.
“He’s not gone,” I murmur to myself.
“Is everything okay?” Mom calls from where she stands by the front door.
“Yes and no,” I breathe.
“What happened?” Her sandals slap against the brick steps as she descends.
That familiar impulse to deal with this on my own ignites, but I snuff it out. The path I’ll traverse with my mother and the one I want with Rowan means pushing past the fear that told me to do it on my own.
“We may be more alike than I thought.” I blow out a hard breath. “Like you I did what I thought was best for him.”
She nods.
“All he wants is for us to be a team, but I pushed him away because I’m scared to need him, to depend on him.” My admission is quiet and shaky.
Her arms envelop my shoulders. “I was the same way after your dad died. It took three more husbands until I figured it out. When you truly love someone it’s the most vulnerable you’ll ever be and it’s scary as hell.”
“That it is.”
“Also, vulnerability isn’t your comfort zone.” She leans her head against mine.
“It sure isn’t.” I close my eyes.
“Does the fear ever go away?”
