Focus, Rowan.Fighting my growing erection, I adjust in my seat and cough. “Besides the baklava croissant, what do you recommend?”
She raises her palm. “Wait. One more thing I want to discuss before we do this.”
I close the menu.
“The articles.”
“I asked Sasha to make the pictures of us go away. She couldn’t get them to drop the story, so she pivoted to one about universal design.”
“Who’s Sasha?”
“My publicist.”
Her right brow ticks up.
“Iknow, I have a publicist. She’s married to my agent, Greg, so it’s more like a package deal.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “God, I sound like a pretentious twat.”
“She’s married to motherfucker?”
Laughter bubbles out of me. “That she is.”
“So, you didn’t know?”
“I didn’t know until they hit. I would have never let them do a story like that. In fact, I got pretty angry with Sasha.”
“Rowan.” Her lips purse.
“I apologized. Also, she gave me a tongue lashing.”
“I’m sure you deserved it.”
“I did.” My hand rests on the table, and I let out a long breath. “Please know, that I would never use you for my reputation. I asked for the pictures to be buried to protect you. The last thing I want is to have my messy life tarnish you.”
She reaches across the table and places her palm on top of mine. “I know. I just needed to hear you say that. I’m as scared as you are, and part of me doesn’t trust myself.”
“Because of Alex?”
“Yes. I hate that he still has this hold over me.” Her lips drag down. “As upset as I was, I knew deep down that your actions were to protect, not hurt. The portion of me that doesn’t trust myself tried to convince me otherwise.”
Something tugs in my chest at her confession. “I’m sorry I made you doubt yourself.”
“The doubt was there before everything with you. My feelings for you are just making me face them. It was easy to pretend they weren’t there, because there hasn’t been anyone that made me want to face them…’til you.”
I intertwine our fingers. “We can take this slow.”
She tilts her head.
“Let me be clear, so there’s no doubt, this isn’t me holding back. I very much want you. I want to date you. I want a relationship with you. I have zero hesitation about this… But I know Alex put you through a lot and you may need to walk before we run together, so we’ll go at your pace.”
“You folks ready to order?” Jela reappears, a tablet in her hands.
“Wait. One more thing. At the airport, I saw your ticket and asked Greg to have his assistant upgrade you for buying breakfast. I didn’t ask him to have you seated next to me, but I’m not sorry—not in the least—that he did.” My green eyes capture her honey-colored ones.
It’s not all my truths, but it’s a start. As Pen cautions, I don’t need to share all of myself at once. Still, this is the last unsaid thing that stands between sharing a baklava croissant with Pen – and, hopefully, more. The others will come. Like a good book, I’ll reveal myself one page at a time, but whatever chapter she flips to I’m ready to let her read me, all of me.
“Swoon,” Jela drawls. “What will it be, handsome?”
My hand squeezes Pen’s. “Whatever she wants.”
